People who talk slowly

[TiredButFine]

I think IABU probably so please don't flame me...just after some opinions.
I'm very chatty, I'm busy at work and can talk at a million miles an hour.
I'm finding it hard with a new person at work who talks really slowly. I know that interrupting is the wrong thing to do, will throw them off their train of thought etc but honestly they really take ages to get to their point. And quite often near the point their talking just sort of peters out to a kind of mutter/laugh/shrug.
What's the best thing to do? Are you a slow and steady talker with any tips?
I do end up cutting in or someone interrupts us and then it's back to the beginning of the conversation....it's so painfully slow!
Also, there are no disabilities/learning difficulties etc before anyone suggests it

If someone stopped me mid-sentence, put their hand in my face and said 'stop', I would probably punch them.

Lol, the poster that did that must've been joking as surely no one would do that in RL

BigEyedOwl
People with Asperger syndrome are unable to process things in real time, it is entirely possible that the people you are bullying have a spectrum difference that makes it harder for them to process what you are asking of them. Do try to be a little kinder.
I think that probably applies to you to, op, just because there is nothing on the records doesn't mean they don't have a disability, it's entirely possibly, particularly with a spectrum difference, that it's undiagnosed.

Mrsstarlord , that's really interesting. What areas seem to speak more directly/round the houses?

Ds1 talks slowly and it is frustrating as I'm very much a 'get to the point!' person. DP has a stutter, I rarely notice it. If he's stressed or tired or speaking to people he doesn't know then it's worse. We've talked about it and if he's struggling explaining something then he wants me to finish the sentence whereas other people with speech problems I know would rather I stepped back and let them finish.

DM has a habit of waffling, a story about 'I bumped into xxx at the supermarket' is padded out with the weather report, correcting the time of day frequently, what aisle she was in at the time, which day it was as it couldn't have been a Monday as blahblahblah, it is so frustrating but I let her get on with it.

This thread has made me sad. DD finds it extremely difficult to arrange her words, so she speaks very slowly.

She has epilepsy and LD. It would crush her self esteem if anyone was to try to hurry her, or shut her up.

I worry that when she starts work, there will be people like BigEyedOwl who just don't understand anyone with a different manner to themselves.

OP, your new colleague sounds incredibly shy and self-conscious! When I get that like, it probably takes me three years to finish a sentence because I second-guess myself, change my (stressed) mind, and tail off.

You shouldn't have to change your own behaviour, but your air of briskness could well be exacerbating the problem. Standing at the door with your coat on, wanting your colleague to answer you in front of everyone else, when they're not sure what to say... It sounds fine to you but I'm guessing you've never been shy?

Sounds counter-intuitive, but could you try (as an experiment) talking more slowly to this colleague, or at least talking in a less "come on, come on, give me an answer, I'm BUSY," manner? Sitting down, putting down your pen, giving them your full attention for a minute? It might make them feel less bad about holding you up. Or take them for a drink after work so they feel less shy? It won't take long.

Owl's methods are just deliberately stupid and rude. She clearly sees herself as the lollipop lady of conversations.

My DS has additional needs along with speech and language difficulties and a stammer. He's only 6 and I already see people getting irritated when he talks too slowly or takes a while to make his point. It's fucking depressing and how nice to know that if he ever manages the world of work he will have dicks like Owl, so completely devoid of any insight or empathy, to contend with.

If someone put their hand up to me and said 'stop' you can bet I wouldn't even bother trying to answer their question in future. I don't engage with rude people.

If you did the coat thing to me I would be mentally processing it, realising you wanted to leave and believe that you thought me irritating and stupid. I really would and the stress would make me struggle to find an answer or make me think you weren't that interested. I am on medication for depression at the moment and have had those thoughts. I think you have done the right thing asking about strategies to help you deal with it. Hope that helps, it can be stressful working with someone who is very different in personality to you.

Be patient! She may have language/communication/confidence issue, epilepsy etc. Your attitude will undermine her and make her feel even more self conscious.

Yes YABU, just try to be more tolerant and Owl you sound downright nasty.

I have this problem too it even came up on my performance review

I have been focussing on leaving longer pauses between a people finishing speaking and me starting. It is hard because during the pause I am often suppressing thoughts such as "OMG this is so uncomfortable! Why is no one speaking?"

I have also been trying to improve my patience with people who repeat themselves. This is harder, especially when the person has answered my question already but repeats the answer another 3 times without coming to the end of the sentence. It is a conscious switch from getting the information you want to letting the other person feel a sense of completion in the exchange.

I'm very chatty, I'm busy at work and can talk at a million miles an hour.

I'd describe myself like you, OP. You have to try to curb it. I'm still trying .

DH talks slowly. He also does this thing once brilliantly described by MN poster as 'buffering', where he just grinds to a halt like when you're watching that circle go round on your screen.

It's incredibly frustrating but I wait because that's the way he marshals his thoughts. He's not trying to stifle a stammer, but that would make sense too.

MsCoconut It might not be a fault of yours. It might be that you've moved from a work culture where your direct approach doesn't fit.

Heaven knows, I know that feeling . But like I said, I'm working on it.

Also MsCoconut I'm guilty of repeating myself. . I can't help myself and realise I've done it only when the second (or third) telling is out of my mouth.

It's embarrassing. I think you might be right that it's a sense of completion rather than attempt to deliberately annoy.

I know it annoys DH. But I'll stop repeating myself when he stops buffering.

I think op was genuinely asking for some help and advice -

"I know that interrupting is the wrong thing to do..."

"What's the best thing to do? Are you a slow and steady talker with any tips? "

So I think it's a bit harsh to be having a go at him / her for being intolerant etc.

Sorry op I have no advice. I really struggle with this sort of thing too.

You.

Are.

Being.

Unreasonable.

The thing is I find people talking really quickly and never stopping extremely irritating. She might be finding you equally as annoying and talking slowly on purpose. I think you just have to take a deep breath and wait it out!

The thing is I find people talking really quickly and never stopping extremely irritating. She might be finding you equally as annoying and talking slowly on purpose. I think you just have to take a deep breath and wait it out!

Woops, good example of people repeating themselves

I talk slowly and I think my brain works slowly too, but slowness is not an indication of intelligence.

I have difficulty processing what people are saying if they are speaking at 100 miles per hour and I tend to 'switch off'.

Someone else here wondering where your slow speaking colleague is from.

I am a Northerner and when I first left home to go to Uni (also in the North) I encountered some of you southerners for the first time . I did notice a difference in the speed of speech. I reember one girl in particular who spoke so slowly (to my ears) it was all I could do not to finish her sentences for her.

As time has gone on I have trained myself to slow down slightly, especially in something like an interview situation. Not only does it make you easier to understand but it does give you more time to think what you are going to say!

Mind you - tailing off just as you reach the point as your colleague does is not good

I find some people waffle on and on not saying anything in particular when asked a question, because they don't really know what they are talking about and trying to create smoke and mirrors and just bullshit.

5foot5

That's my observation too. Some people in The southWest commented on my husband sounding intimidating because he speaks fast and is direct. He finds people who go round the houses (in his mind) frustrating and won't listen. which is really fucking annoying because apparently that's what I do

Well I managed a bit better today and tried to put my frustration to one side. Speech did seem less slow as well. Sent a few emails but kept them very "to the point" as in clear, concise no waffle.
Am more inclined now towards confidence/speed of thought processing as have had some better conversations in terms of speed, but now there seems to be a delay in "finding info" IYSWIM.
Email- Can you see if we have x,y and z.
I have got x and y, checked for z but can't find it.
That's fine we can do some other things to find that. So it's z we're going to look for.
But what about x?
thought you found x?
Well you said you needed x?
Yes, did you find it?
Yes.
So out of x,y,z, which did you find?
All of them.
Ok can I have them then?
No, I don't have z.
It was a quicker conversation but I still got a bit frustrated. I did also give the option of an email reply, didn't shout all over the office "you can't FIND it" all very low voice, supportive, discreet.