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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who talk slowly

105 replies

TiredButFine · 04/03/2015 19:31

I think IABU probably so please don't flame me...just after some opinions.
I'm very chatty, I'm busy at work and can talk at a million miles an hour.
I'm finding it hard with a new person at work who talks really slowly. I know that interrupting is the wrong thing to do, will throw them off their train of thought etc but honestly they really take ages to get to their point. And quite often near the point their talking just sort of peters out to a kind of mutter/laugh/shrug.
What's the best thing to do? Are you a slow and steady talker with any tips?
I do end up cutting in or someone interrupts us and then it's back to the beginning of the conversation....it's so painfully slow!
Also, there are no disabilities/learning difficulties etc before anyone suggests it

OP posts:
EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 05/03/2015 20:03

Well done for that, Tired Good to see you have noticed an improvement in colleague's speech, too.

As for the emails.
I'd suggest:

"Thanks for finding x and y. Could you plse give me that info, then you just need to concentrate on finding z"

After all, she did initially say she didn't have info on z in the first place

Flowers
hazeyjane · 05/03/2015 20:07

Wow, I never fail to be amazed at just how rude some people are!

Original poster
TiredButFine · 05/03/2015 20:38

they sent me an email reply and asked what to do about the one they couldn't find! That's the thing, they emailed a reply and came right over and asked me, and in the time that took - about a minute, they couldn't recall which one they had trouble finding.
That's why I think it's confidence or processing issues. Anyway I'll keep trying to not steamroller them and try different approaches

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 05/03/2015 20:43

I Suppose, although I hope I'm trying to be considerate, they don't know that do they? They could have been badly bullied or something and just assume all co-workers are looking to undermine them or pick on them. I mean I don't care that they couldn't find something, it's my job to help a new person learn!

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 06/03/2015 00:59

If it's your job to help them learn, then you should be able to find a way to help them (and you) to deal with this situation better. Does this new person have any training available to them? Do they have an appraisal due any time soon?

You're right, it might just be the way they process things. In which case it might be an issue of trying to find the "right" way to ask questions to get the answers you want. Stick to the closed questions wherever possible, with minimal options.

Sazzle41 · 06/03/2015 02:50

Can you email them instead if its that annoying, asking for a very specific summary or answers to a set of questions? Or,if it has to be face to face take/have a coffee with you so you have something to do to fill the endless gaps?

I only have one speed, I couldnt slow down if i wanted to, but we are all different and being glass half full, yes you are probably impatient (like me) but you probably get points for being quick to grasp/understand & implement concepts: and who you are speaking too (albeit, v v slowly) probably has points they get praised for too. A lot of people i work with are fab at figures and spreadsheets which are gibberish to me but, they struggle to communicate verbally, they are better on email. So i go with that, its less agonising for all concerned! Simples,

notquiteruralbliss · 06/03/2015 06:37

OP I sometimes talk v slowly / struggle to get words out . It feels as if I am buffering information like a laptop with a dodgy internet connection. And I have the short term memory of a goldfish. It doesn't mean I am stupid though. I have a post grad degree, do a highly analytical job, where I manage large projects and my job requires me to gather and synthesise information from multiple sources, often under massive time pressure.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 06/03/2015 06:41

dawndonna when I went for ASD assessment, the psych pointed out that's something I do. I never really noticed it before, because obviously my brain is busy so for me there is no gap between question/answer. But he said with a closed question I answer straight away, with an open question he could see the cogs whirring internally before I answered.

DuchessofBuffonia · 06/03/2015 07:24

OP, I'm glad to hear you are developing more patience. Even 'easy' tasks can be a little overwhelming in a new environment.

Owl - do you do the 'stop' thing to your managers, or only to your peers and subordinates?

Original poster
TiredButFine · 06/03/2015 07:36

I like the analogy a few posters have made about "buffering" or computers, like my approach is trying to open too many "pwindows" at once.
Probsbly coz I'm one "type" and they are another "type" I need to get that they're running on a different "system" than me so I need to kind of throw out the rule book and learn the other "system" than wonder why the "system" isn't working as I think it should.
It's my job to help someone learn how to do things in as much as it's anyone elses- that's my kind of ethos rather than it being my "job", but again there's no reason why someone new should fully appreciate that, IYSWIM
they could well have had hard times elsewhere in life- because of the "buffering" or slow speech maybe?
so I'll try to be a bit more clear i.e. I don't expect you to know everything, if you're not sure don't worry , just let me know so I can explain it to you, email or ask me anything etc.
Yes I've been quite frustrated with this person and it feels like "the last thing I need" right now, but I am trying - for exacltly the reasons the angry posters have said. I don't want to be the nob who crushes someone, makes them feel shit.

OP posts:
BallsforEarrings · 06/03/2015 10:01

I have to admit I am 100 miles per hour type person and only function on 'fast' - I walk fast, talk fast and get to the point and hate to be delayed or confused by people who are not in too much of a hurry to stick to and complete a point or who get easily confused BUT I am too kind to point this out or talk over them I will wait for them to catch up, but with my particular personality my heart literally starts hammering if people are too slow when I am in a rush.

Everyone is different, I have an employee like the person the OP describes, she always says things like 'oops I'm such a ditz' after any confusion, which really grates but we all have to meet half way with communication styles.

This is exactly what the OP is trying to learn to do in posting the question here and I think that is admirable, take no notice of the negative posts here OP they are determined to find fault but its great that some have offered the constructive help you were looking for.

Burke1 · 07/03/2015 03:33

I talk slowly than most people naturally although not REALLY noticeably (you might not notice it unless it's pointed out)

Lara2 · 07/03/2015 07:01

My DH has Primary Progressive MS and he talks slowly now - the disease affects his cognitive thinking time and he can't think and talk atbthe same time like the rest of us- IYSWIM. He works from home, mostly computer based so luckily he has that time buffer.
OP, I'm glad you seem to be making steps to being more understanding and tolerant - you were about to be the recipient of my first ever biscuit!

ApocalypseNowt · 07/03/2015 07:20

BallsforEarring I'm like you and I find going slow really frustrating and irritating - talking, doing a job, walking in the street.

I agree you have to meet half way though and I do try and bite back my natural response.

Have to say though FIL is definitely in the slow camp. Normally I am v good at putting up with it but there was one time when he phoned about something completely non urgent. I was waiting for a very important/urgent phone call. DD was playing up. I was heavily pregnant.

Me: "I'm really sorry FIL but i'm waiting for a call from x so...."
FIL: (interrupts) Ohhhh....weeeelllll, ooooooookaaaaaaay,.......I just wanted to say.....um.......i won't take long but.....what it is......."

I hung up the phone and burst into tears.

lougle · 07/03/2015 07:40

I think this person is interpreting your fast talking as 'super busy' and is nervous because they're not up to speed.

Could you be more direct and reassuring? So:

"Could you find x, y, and z?"
"Found x & y, couldn't find z."
"Thanks for x and y. That's brilliant. You should be able to find z if you do . When you've found it, could you send me an email with z? Then that's this job finished. Let me know if you still can't find z. Thanks again for x & y."

It's long winded, but it reassures her/him that you have received the information and have logged it, but still need z.

Original poster
TiredButFine · 07/03/2015 21:26

They are avoiding asking for help. I had a right ding dong yesterday (a colleague emailed a request to them and nominated me to help-cheers) long story short they seem to have not appreciated that key info was in the email from colleague, done some research of their own which (whilst admirable) has taken things off in the wrong direction, and reported it back to everyone else causing a lot of confusion and me having to spend 1 hour sorting it out. Although I was very patient and nice and they didn't ppear to feel shit and I didn't ram it down their throat you will all be happy to know, I let them actually talk it through and say where they went wrong, as they realised.
Thing is rather than do research they could have called the contact listed in the email, I think they are definately a person who likes paperwork/thinking more than people/doing which is really unusual in customer service type work

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredButFine · 07/03/2015 21:34

In case anyone is interested -prob not but this is very theraputic...we also "found z". I did say it would be in place Aif it related to this work or place B if it related to other work.
It wasn't in either apparently so I asked them to call the person who requested to ask for a certain piece of info. They emailed asking for all kinds of info, didn't want to call even though it was an urgent request.
They got a load of info in reply, printed it to show me and then I saw the header of the original confirmed z would have only been in place a, where I found it.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 08/03/2015 02:06

They are avoiding asking for help

Thats very telling

Its one thing being very slow in speech - I can accept that actually as its just some people's way; I know personally somebody speaking very quickly to me especially in an extended conversation, makes me feel as if they're battering my brain - the avoiding asking for help is an absolute hindrance at work. Ive come across people like that before and find it very difficult to deal with; too many things either simply didnt get done, or took 3 times as long so in that respect I understand some people's patience would wear thin. Mine did - Im not a saint.

Thumbwitch · 08/03/2015 11:39

Sounds like they're not well suited to the role, if speaking to people is a necessary part of that role, and something they prefer not to do.

limitedperiodonly · 08/03/2015 13:23

Agree with Thumbwitch. In my job, voice conversations are vital. Emails are incredibly useful but sometimes they don't do.

Sometimes, when it's raised on here, there are loads of posts from people saying they hate talking on the phone or citing paranoid fantasies about having to have a record in case of trouble.

Certainly you may follow up a call with an email if it makes you happy or you think the person is a tricky customer.

But if your job requires you to speak to people and you avoid doing it, or do it badly and refuse help to improve, then you're in the wrong job.

limitedperiodonly · 08/03/2015 13:30

Actually, why am I talking about 'in my job'? Voice communication is needed everywhere, unless you work in a silent order of nuns.

I'm pretty sure if the place was alight even they'd shout 'Fire!'

Pumpkinnose · 08/03/2015 13:39

Really fascinated by this discussion. Haven't read all the thread but in my role (very busy/highly pressurised role) then this would be a real issue. It's such an important skill to be concise, precise and be able to move things along quickly. This really should be raised as a development area for the colleague - easily known people to fail probation for this if it's clear they can't interact properly.

MarshaBrady · 08/03/2015 13:41

I need to slow down. In meetings I feel like everyone is on slow motion but really it's me being too fast. Need to remember it and just wait.

I am a bit better at pausing now before rushing in, which helps.

EveBoswell · 08/03/2015 14:08

Yes, fast talkers need to slow down.

Those who have to listen don't or can't hear everything because it's gone before it's heard

How can people take anything in when there's so much spoken about in 1 minute?

I've had this with all centres. With my car insurance a couple of days ago, I had to tell ask the chap at the other end to slow down, especially as I was writing notes on an insurance letter as he spoke. I wonder if the call was recorded?

Before anyone says that I ought to think more quickly, I used to do shorthand as a PA and no one ever spoke that quickly to me in those days.

perpetua72 · 08/03/2015 14:23

I really do have sympathy for anyone who has a genuine communication issue/stammer/LD etc for which reasonable accommodations can and absolutely should be made under the equality act, but I can't get behind the "they might be shy/un-confident" excuse. Sorry, but tough. They're in a professional environment, not the playground. There's no room or time for hand-holding and trying to coax information out of a shy person. If they're that shy that they can't communicate with their colleagues then they're clearly incapable of doing the job and shouldn't be there in the first place.