To pretend the cat did it and now I've had to put socks on her?

[PaulaJane37]

So,I stupidly left a very large family jar of beetroot juice on the kitchen counter and went away for two days. I returned to shattered jar and dried beetroot juice in the light grey grout of my kitchen floor - cue bloody cat references from DP as nothing is getting the stain out. Sooooo I decided to pour pure bleach into the grout, not just a couple of lines to test the result/effect... The entire floor!! Now DP is on his way home, I've gone bleach blind due to the fumes, the kitchen is soaked in bleach that WONT lift and I've used the steamer on it which has made it worse x 100! The cat is now wearing my socks tied on with my hair bobbles and really not happy, but I can't get it off the floor and I'm worried she will get hurt by the bleach, DP will have final proof that I'm a complete nugget so WIBU to blame the cat for spilling bleach?

very entertaining thread! Love the cat socks. And the scrum hoes

I am very hormonal, but this thread has me crying with laughter! I think a little bit of wee came out when I saw the cat pic...

Please show this thread to DH in a few weeks time (when he's less likely to be angry) and report back

Weeeelllll.... There is no sign of the cat..... There is one sock on the stairs..... I think she has left home... Wearing a solitary sock...

Would it be evil of me to point out that this would be the perfect time for your cat to come stalking out, be-socked and glaring daggers?

Thank you for cheering up my Wednesday afternoon, though

Either she has left home or she is sitting somewhere plotting BAD things....

In fact she is probably on CatsNet right now - AIBU to find wearing socks embarrassing and WIBU to take revenge on my slave owner?

Hmm. If she ever forgives you and comes home (with or without sock) then the paranoid bit of me would say that the bleach is still there, and I would be washing the floor (with just water) a few more times, for her sake.

Except of course that she has actually taken the one sock as evidence because she has gone to round up a feline lynch mob.

I have no doubt that there will be attempts made on my life in the near future, I think she has a gang. When I spoke to my mum earlier I mentioned phoning the vet for advice as I had heard about bleach and cats paws but she reminded my I'm not allowed to speak to the vet EVER after cat rape gate ......

I've been feeling really ill today and your post has brightened my day. Your cat is gorgeous!

Still laughing at " scrum hoes" here!!!
Your cat is gorgeous by the way - but she WILL kill you while you sleep for this

OP you have made my day!

Now, please go ahead and explain the lady garden/tea tree incident and cat rape gate. I've a while to wait as ds is in a swimming lesson so need amusement!

If that was my cat I would be expecting at least a dead pigeon in the house tomorrow, or maybe not dead yet, that would be worse.

You need to tell us OP, right now! Every last stinking detail.

Yes come on OP - you need to spill the beans now before your cat takes revenge on you

Good result.

I like your floor too and the way the cat matches the lamp.

I cleaned my oven with Mr Muscle and closed the door to keep the cat out. I went back to check and the cat streaked past me. The Mr Muscle had leaked and he chose to walk on that section of floor, not the rest of it that was safe.

I grabbed him and held his paws under the tap. I thought he'd tear me to pieces but I couldn't stand the thought of chemical burns and the vet's bill.

He loved it. I now fill the sink with a couple of inches of water and he paddles.

It's not a really exciting story, sore but boring, not nearly as exciting as the time I got chemical burns on my well kept garden and had to drink lychee martinis whilst sitting in a bar legs akimbo!

So last week in the shower I have a good old mow to my ahem, area. Took my time, proud of the result. Got out of the shower, aw naw! No baby oil to use on legs and nekkid garden, oh I'll use the tea tree oil... Well blow me down! I'll not do that again I jumped about the bedroom like an orangutan on springs and rubbed it with my towel.... When the pain subsided I called mother, why didn't you just go back in the shower? I despair Paula I really do (I imagine BIG shakes of the head on the other end of the phone!)

Cat rape gate is a bit embarrassing

now don't be shy OP

Haha! You're insane hun - but in a good way!

Please tell us your story about cat rape gate

Oh bless ya, you're fab mad as a box of frogs mind

Now, I'm sitting comfortably, cat rape gate please

You are silly billy.

Well I'd only been in the house a couple of months and I'd only ever owned dogs before but due to work knew I couldn't give a dog proper time. I researched cats and founds Siamese to be vocal and more "dog like" so travelled 200 miles and picked up my wee angels jasmine, black with green eyes and sapphire, white with blue eyes (sapphire sadly went to rainbow bridge after taking on a Volvo a couple of years ago - not the safest cars IMO). So I know pants all about cats, and they are not neutered as I'm gonna breed them!! Yay go me! (What a tit!) so jasmine gets out and the neighbour comes to the door, here missus your cats getting rogered on my front door step.. I hear mewling and screaming and this THING is attacking my baby so I go and separate them and jasmine gives me a scratch so deep I'm scarred to this day. Forward on a few weeks and I take jasmine to the vet about possible tumours in her wee boobies... Er no crazy cat lady she's up the duff!! OMG no she is not!! She is a pedigree Siamese says I, Apparently breeding does not negate pregnancy... So in a fit of pique I said and I quote "well she was raped then" incredulous vet asks show I know this "I heard her screams and and and we are Catholics you know!!!"

Total mortification!! Anyway the offending creature that violated my princess went missing a couple of weeks later and it's "mum" came to the door and asked if I had seen him! I know I berated his morals publicly but I'm sure she thought I'd curried him or something! Interestingly (or not) his name was socks!!

Oh dear god, crying with laughter. OP could you please start your own TV show or something, you are brilliant!

Cat rape gate? You do realise the socks won't stop the bleach getting to cats paws?

Rofl at being catholic. my two year keeps asking whats happening as Im creasing up. Can you be my friend?

OP, oh dear god, I have my first mumsnet crush.

Nothing useful to contribute but I fingered your lamp lovely op!