To ask you to relive a cringey moment

[heatseeker14]

Need a laugh this morning, after my beloved cat brought in a live mouse, just after 6am leaving me to corner & capture the damn thing.

I can offer the following two:

Wearing what I thought was a rather nice looking, tight fitting, polo neck top. Only to discover later on at a kids party, I had HUGE sweat patches. The more embarrassed I got, the larger they became!!!

On returning to my car, having collected an order delivered to a well known store, I discovered I had a massive, highly visible bogey . I had spent a long time chatting to staff having collected my order, tried the stuff on and then returned a couple of items - Cringe.

Can anyone else trump these?!

My father was very embarrassed at the weekend as Id bought my dd a book all about the birds and the bees (very simple, especially for very young children). She proceeded to show him the book and tell him all about the 'vegina' and then loudly trying to pronounce 'testicles'. Me? I was wetting myself laughing at the look on his face

I've told this before but here goes....

I take some pretty strong painkillers at night so can be a bit of a zombie. It's bins night and very windy and 1am I hear the familiar thump of bin being blown over. DH tells me to leave it but I can't so half asleep I wander into the street and casually start lobbing cans back in the bin.

As I'm doing this I notice two things, one, the new neighbors are watching me, I can see them as their TV is flickering and two I'm holding a plastic water pistol. It occurs to me I've not thrown away a water pistol and in my confused state I turn around to see my bin very much upright at the end of my drive.
At this point, drugged and knackered I put down the pistol, give a small wave to the neighbors and scuttle back in leaving half the rubbish on the floor because it didn't occur to me to finish what I'd started.

DH was sobbing, said the neighbors would think I was some bin dipping oddball. I avoided them after that. Thankfully they moved last month. DH reckons I put them off the area

One night stand. Roaring drunk. Wet the bed

At a house party found a bathroom, did my business then realised it was a new bathroom suite that had,nt been fitted yet
There was no way I was fishing it out!!

litterally in histerics at some of these

Many years ago at work, the boss sent an email round to everybody saying that he would be on holiday the following week so all queries etc to be directed to "Chris".

Chris didn't ever seem to do much and my then-bf/colleague used to call him Dopey. When I got the email I decided to forward it onto my bf with the line "Another week of fuck all for Dopey then."

I kept waiting for a reaction from my bf but got none so I asked if he'd got my email and he swore he hadn't. When I checked, instead of hitting Forward, I'd hit Reply and sent it back to the boss

Was in a car accident aged 12 and smashed up my face, losing teeth. Had to have a denture.
Fast forward 16 years, and in pub getting a round and denture flew out of mouth into bar area. Had to ask barman for my denture, and worse still, friend slightly tipsy declared to other friends what had happened. Was on a date at the time too, luckily, my date knew I had a denture. Oh I was mortified!
Still remember the barman giving me back my denture, holding it as if it would bite him, then rushing off to wash his hands. [shudder]

a couple of days ago
I was asked for feedback on a supervisor for his probation review ( he's a new starter ), as I'm currently working with him. There are issues so it was decided the feedback would be reviewed by my head of department first, and he would then go and speak to management once he had read/edited it.
I wrote stuff , saved a text file on my desktop, planning to email it later.
Another new starter came to ask me how to print documents. I showed him using the first file I could find on my desktop... and sent it to the printer directly without the dialogue box popping up first.
The printer is 3 floors down from my desk, right in front of the supervisors desk.
Never ran faster down the stairs before.

Sending out wedding invites and invited a work colleague 'Sue and her husband George' to the evening do. The next day she said that her husband Fred was very upset he had not been invited, but her dog George would love to come and she would get him a new collar. 23 years later and I still cringe......

Thank fully - this is anonymous... My husband thought he was paying me a massive compliment in telling everyone at our wedding during his speech about how we'd slept together on our first date. 150 of my friends and family including the vicar were sitting in front of me and it was being filmed to show my grandma who couldn't make it to the service.

aaaaagh how did he think it was a massive compliment or even appropriate to say that in his speech?

Gruntfuttock who knows what was going through his mind! I had been about to do a speech myself but I was rendered completely speechless. (Which for me is a miracle!) I just sat there knowing that if I said anything I would make it worse. It had all been part of a rambling story about our first date and then he said something like 'when I was leaving her house the next morning....' Even my friends that knew about it and about what a slapper I was were open mouthed and speechless. We're still married.

I was totally in love with a boy I used to see at church when I was 16yrs old. We used to make eye contact, but I didn't know his name. Fast forward to New Years and had gone to a pub with my friends (unbeknownst to parents) and there he was. Anyway we got together had a bit of a kiss. Later that evening I think at midnight I was a bit tipsy after 1pint of cider, thought he was going in for a kiss ...... Long story short I ended up snogging his cheek with tongue .....

Only on page 2 but im howling at "watch the leather" and the hand gesture

Mine was a few years ago, some of DHs cousins came to visit, i had never met them before, we where all in a family members garden when i decided to sit on the hammock, and promptly fell off it backwards landing on my back with legs still over the hammock.

I was so embarrassed

inadvertently let rip the biggest, loudest fart you ever heard. It was so forceful that it stung my bum cheeks as they vibrated rapidly against the shiny plastic chair. My viscose skirt might as well have been off absent

I'm actually fucking crying at this one

When I was about 13 I was sitting in a maths lesson when I sort of sneezed and laughed at the same time. Tons of bright green snot was hanging out of my nostrils, over my mouth and chin and some had gone over the desk. I had to bend forward with my arms curled around my head as I tried to suck it all back up my nose. Everyone thought I was crying and I went along with it, frantically trying to wipe up snot and bogies without anybody noticing

When interrailing back from Greece in the late 90's we decided to stop off at our French uni friend's family home. One afternoon her little brother about nine or ten came running in after a ball. My boyfriend chipped the ball up into the air, kneed it a couple of times and kicked it back to the little boy who was standing there open mouthed. It was a hamster in his exercise ball. The French thought it was hilarious especially as my boyfriend was vegetarian, which they could not get their head around. Luckily, the little chap was ok and sped off.

This thread is hilarious!LO is asleep and am having to stifle my laughter so as not to wake her!
Right-now for my shame:
About ten years ago I was staying at my then boyfriends house and was on my period. We were going out for the day with my ex's mum and his aunt (whom I had never met before) and I had changed my towel just before we left and wrapped it up then disposed of it in the bathroom bin.
Upon returning from our trip my ex's aunt announced that she was bursting for the loo and headed upstairs to the toilet.
I had thought it was strange that ex's dog hadn't greeted us excitedly when we walked into the house and wondered where he was but didn't think much of it-it was only when we heard a shriek from upstairs that the horror/realisation crept up on me-the dog had gotten hold of my used towel from the bin and proceeded to rip it to shreds all over the bathroom and landing floor!
Cue me legging it up the stairs red faced and promptly dropping to my knees trying to scoop up all of the shreds as the dog sat and chewed on them and trying to get rid of them before ex and his mum came upstairs too! In my flurry I looked up to see said aunt ex and his mum staring at me with a look of horror/disgust as I picked up the shreds-I tried to play it down by mumbling something about not knowing who's it was but they clearly weren't having any of it!
To be fair I think his aunt was almost as embarrassed as me!

Riri you win!

I was a young teenager, 13 or so, on a sleepover at my friend's house. I was on my period and hadn't got the hang of tampons yet so was using towels. I hadn't been using them for very long and even at that age I was large of bap, so I'd stood up and tucked my pyjama top under my chin to get a better look at my knickers.

So there I was in the downstairs loo, pjs and pants around knees, topless, fanjo and bloody towel-in-knickers on full display, unwrapping a fresh towel when my friend's dad walked in I hadn't locked the door!!

I was mortified and the worst part is although he shut the door quickly, he stood outside it for absolutely ages repeating that he was sorry for barging in! While I just stood there frozen wishing for death. Oh god

These are fantastic and kept me howling with laughter.

I was early teen and been lucky enough to be invited (allowed) to hang out with some older girls who knew my older db. I thought they were so cool and I desperately wanted to be like them. We were in Wimpy and all got burgers etc - i asked for a coke & the guy gave me a kiddies meal cup rather than a glass like the "grown up" meals got. I was so embarrassed but didnt do anything, went back to table. However, the girls started taking the mick a bit and then as i tried to be all "whatever" & casually take a drink through the straw it somehow fizzed right up the back of my nose and i choked/spluttered and all the coke came back out my nose along with a massive green slimey bogey!
I was horrified. I ran to the toilet and cried.
Wimpy was never the same again!

First job. I am in a meeting with 4 colleagues and 2 people from an external company. I am the only female. I was thirsty and decided to go to the machine for some coffee so thought I would do a nice thing and offer to get some for everyone.

Reached for my bag to get my wallet, but picked it up UPSIDE DOWN and all the contents fell out. As well as the usual phone, keys, wallet, my bag contained about 6 condoms & 20 lilets (which rolled to every corner of the room). The men started helping me pick them all up. The shame!!! I was almost hysterical by the end of it.

Later when I got back to my desk, one of the blokes came up to me with one of the lilets which we had missed and said "I think this is yours." Why the hell he didn't just bin it and save us both the embarrassment I will never know.

15 years ago and I still cringe.

Oh god. I'm cold with shame thinking of some of the hideous things I've done because I am a tosser. But I will say that I've been to a wedding whete the best man gave a speech about how the bride seduced the groom at a house party, beating the other interested parties to his bedroom. It was funny as hell, but inappropriate.

Some removals men were clearing out some furniture and I was sort of hovering uselessly. I noticed one had a tattoo on his wrist so I peered shortsightedly at it, happy to have a conversation starter.

"I love your 'cunt' tattoo!" I exclaimed, assuming, as you do, that he was a fellow hardcore feminist trying to reclaim the C word.

There was a stunned silence and then he stammered "it says Claire..."

This isn't one of mine or anyone I know. I was talking to DH about this thread and some of the experiences shared. He reminded me of this one. I heard this about 6/7 years ago on the Radio 1 Scot Mills Show not sure if his still on. Bit older and I now listen to Five Live and LBC

I have searched Google to try and find an audio but nothing however I found this site with an extract of what happened. leoniekate.blogspot.co.uk/2005/11/thisll-cheer-you-right-up.html

"I went out on Saturday night and met this guy. We clicked somehow, I liked him. We flirted, and by the end of the night we were together. I don't usually do this, but I went home with him. We had a great night, and I didn't regret going back to his because I really liked him and didn't think of it as a one night stand. I had to go into work on the Sunday, early, so I got up before he woke up. I went into his bathroom to get ready to leave, and I needed the toilet. Like, um, a, you know, number two. So I, um, went. But the thing was, I quickly discovered that the toilet wouldn't flush. I kept trying but it wouldn't. And it had started to smell. Really, really bad. I kept trying to flush it, but it just wouldn't. So I started to panic.I couldn't face just leaving it there, stinking. I just couldn't. So I found a plastic bag that was lying there and, well, scooped it. I wrapped it in toilet roll, planning to get rid of it on my way home. So I made to exit, quickly. I thought I'd just write a little note for him, so I found a bit of paper on the kitchen table and wrote a note, just saying I had a great time, I'd love to see you again soon, here's my number. I signed it with a kiss and left the house. I was halfway home before I realised that I'd left the bag on the table. Next to the note."

Hilarious, I remember crying laughing in the car. I really hope someone more tech savvy on MN can find an audio of this because I would love to hear it again.