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Original poster

To ask you to relive a cringey moment

148 replies

heatseeker14 · 04/03/2015 10:16

Need a laugh this morning, after my beloved cat brought in a live mouse, just after 6am leaving me to corner & capture the damn thing.

I can offer the following two:

Wearing what I thought was a rather nice looking, tight fitting, polo neck top. Only to discover later on at a kids party, I had HUGE sweat patches. The more embarrassed I got, the larger they became!!!

On returning to my car, having collected an order delivered to a well known store, I discovered I had a massive, highly visible bogey Blush. I had spent a long time chatting to staff having collected my order, tried the stuff on and then returned a couple of items - Cringe.

Can anyone else trump these?!

OP posts:
CPtart · 04/03/2015 13:50

As a district nurse I was visiting a wheelchair bound chap with spina bifida who was immobile and wheelchair bound. It was a standing joke between him and the nurses that he liked a drink. After struggling to gain entry to his flat one day I said on finally entering "oh you had me worried then not answering your buzzer. I had visions of you paralytic in the chair!"

Original poster
heatseeker14 · 04/03/2015 13:53

Exit that did make me laugh & I think I may use vagine in future I quite like it Grin

OP posts:
Patatas · 04/03/2015 13:59

Ha ha Sourdrawers that made me laugh out loud.

I think quite cringeworthy was at my boss's funeral. It was held in a really small room, so we were all crowded in and he was wheeled in on one of those trolley things. I was at the end of the aisle and somehow the trolley got parked on my foot, I didn't dare move or make a sound, so had to stand very still the entire service with my foot being crushed by the trolley and him.

GymBum · 04/03/2015 14:05

I have another. Started working for a new organisation. So as part of the induction, another colleague (male) and I had to spend some time with three of the best performers in our specialism, in the business at the time. Anyway we were both nervous, we were both aspiring to become these people if successful in our roles.

So, one of these, let's call him "big hitter" asks what do you want from today. I then respond by saying "well, I would like to suck everything out of you" Blush (meaning knowledge). He respond "I will happly give it to you". Thing was they two of them started laughing about two seconds before I realised what I said.

Anyway we ended up been very good working colleagues for years before he moved to a different organisation.

BlackNoSugar · 04/03/2015 14:06

I ripped my (very fashionable at the time) green velvet trousers, right across the bum, in a science lesson at school. Got excused so I could go home and change. It was summer, I didn't have a cardi or jacket, and my school bag was tiny. So I had a 20 minute walk home, through central London, with my arse hanging out.

GymBum · 04/03/2015 14:08

Grin at Exit

iLoveFlop · 04/03/2015 14:15

Every Tuesday afternoon, I used to go and have a cigarette on the steps outside of university after my last lecture. I used to time it so I would be smoking at the same time as the gorgeous bronzed Danish student from a different course, who used to stand there too.

Over the weeks we got talking, and I told my friend I thought he would ask for my number soon. One afternoon, we were having a cigarette and he leaned over to give me a hug goodbye.

I was ecstatic!
I wanted to say a witty and offhand remark.
I said....

'Watch the leather'. And mimed a hand brushing movement on my arm.

WHY. His cigarette was nowhere near me, and my jacket was cheap New Look plastic material. It certainly wasn't leather.

My friend pissed herself laughing at me :-(

Moresmores · 04/03/2015 14:18

I popped into a local shop to get some milk so didn't bother with a basket, then saw they had loads of offers on, so picked up a few more bits as i was going round til my arms were full.

I got to the checkout leant forward and toppled the stuff out of my arms into the basket by the counter, but as i did this the extremely young guy on the till leant forward to take the stuff out of my arms which were rapidly emptying and he ended up grabbing my boob.

The shame - I no longer pop into that shop.

MalibuStacy · 04/03/2015 14:21

I was at an interview for a job I really wanted. It was a senior position in a very corporate environment. They asked lots of questions about my skills, experience, why I wanted the job, etc. and then a few questions about me as a person outside of work. They then obviously (to them at least) went back to talking about the job and asked me what skills I would like to acquire in the future. My response…

"I would like to learn how to make balloon animals from balloons."

The whole panel of five were like Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock

MalibuStacy · 04/03/2015 14:25

Another cringey moment that I have posted about before…

Years ago, there was this guy who I really, really liked. I invited him round for dinner. I wanted him to believe that I ate like I bird as I thought that was more feminine, so I gave him a much bigger helping of dinner than myself. We sat down to eat and I noticed him looking at my dinner. At which point I realised I'd given myself the great big dinner and him a little one. I really should have explained. I didn't say anything. I never saw him again...

GymBum · 04/03/2015 14:25

Malibu ha ha ha ha...

Hoppinggreen · 04/03/2015 14:27

When my son joined the junior chapter of a well know scouting organisation I posted a photo of him on FB in his uniform with the caption.
" check out my little Beaver"
No idea until the comments started coming!!!!

roland83 · 04/03/2015 14:32

shellistar - I just died reading yours !! Hahahahaha!

I had a photo pop up one FB of a recent trip I'd been on, one of the blokes was in the photo and he was pointing to the sky. So I wrote "E.T. Phone Home".. as you do... except only a few days later I remembered he had really wide apart eyes and probably thought I was talking about his looks rather than him pointing.

Still feel awful about it now!

thehumanjam · 04/03/2015 14:32

I bought a copy of The Big Issue and as I walked away the seller called after me, thinking he was going to say I had change I waved and shouted "no worries keep the change". Next thing he is beside with a red face explaining that I hadn't actually given him enough money I don't know what I was thinking but I had given him coppers instead of pound coins. I felt despicable for trying to con a homeless man Blush

OhMjh · 04/03/2015 14:33

During a trial shift in a restaurant, I was clearing a table after a meal and walking back to the kitchen with the dirty plates when I smelt burning. I looked down to find my top on fire ( I'd lent over a candle) and after wildly patting it out and sloshing it with water, I was dismayed to find I'd not only burnt a very large hole through my t-shirt but also my very expensive, 2 day old bra as well and the two had fused together. To add insult to injury, I had to make the 15 minute walk to sainsburys to buy a new bra & t-shirt with various comments and sniggers as it was the height of summer and I had no coat to put over the top.

I got the job though, and shortly burnt my hair too.

thehumanjam · 04/03/2015 14:36

I also told an acquaintance that I had the hots for her boyfriend not knowing that they were an item. She seemed ok about it but avoided me after that admission.

Trumpity · 04/03/2015 14:36

Oh Malibu that's so funny. I can't stop laughing! Balloon animals!!

BlackNoSugar · 04/03/2015 14:40

I once drunkenly told a family friend at a party that his glasses were wonky, and tried to straighten them. They still looked wonky and I kept on and on pushing them straight.

Only to be taken aside by another friend and quietly informed that the nice man in question has wonky eyes...

Oh the shame Blush

DancingDays · 04/03/2015 14:47

I was on a date one christmas time, I leaned back in my chair and nudged something on the table behind (being christmas the tables were packed in tight) and then went on to tell a funny story. My date looked increasingly shocked, worried and scared so I increased my laughter to encourage him to laugh too Hmm Except he didn't.

It all became clear when a waiter rushed me out of my chair. I had accidently nudged the holly table decoration onto the tea light, setting light to the other diners table.

So my poor date had me cackling with fire behind me, I must have looked like the entrance to hell.

We didn't see each other after that.

cogitosum · 04/03/2015 15:02

Not the worst but recent.

Last week I was at a toddler group. I'd got the train as don't drive and ds was in the sling.

As I was leaving it started pissing down with rain. Lady in front of me who I don't know said 'would you like a lift?'
I thought this was very kind as she was a stranger and said something to the effect of
'no thank you the station's just round the corner'
only to realise she was talking to her friend behind me!

It would've been ok if I'd just apologised and laughed it off but I just went red and mumbled something pretending I'd been speaking to someone else.

HappyHippyChick · 04/03/2015 15:17

I am crying actual tears at the balloon animals. I keep thinking about it and it sets me off again! Brilliant! Did you get the job Stacey?

Skeeter3 · 04/03/2015 15:19

The first time I met my inlaws I wanted to make a good impression so dressed up in a satin pencil skirt and blouse.

Dinner went amazingly, I was definitely impressing them. We went back to dp flat and as I got out the taxi my pencil skirt tore right up the slit at the back displaying my be-thonged arse in all it's glory. Obviously mortified everyone was very kind and I got in to dp flat and he gave me some joggers to put on. I was just about surviving the shame when I was getting ready to leave and fil have me a lovely BIG hug and when it was finished realised the buttons on my blouse had popped open flashing my bosoms!

That was 10 years ago and I've only just started making eye contact again.

shouldnthavesaid · 04/03/2015 15:20

Took a urine sample to the GP. Hadn't a sterile container but reception said to use whatever I could. Used an old washed medicine bottle. It proceeded to leak. Unfortunately neither myself nor GP realised until she stood up with it. I could have cried, it was on her shoe :(

MrsTedCrilly · 04/03/2015 16:20

I pooed on my bedroom carpet when I got really drunk at home once (I was 18). My parents had helped me to bed so I'm sure they must have seen it but they have never said anything (thank god!) It was in weird neat piles.. Confused I felt gross in the morning so had a bath, but fell asleep in it while it was filling and flooded the dining room, ruining the carpets and wallpaper. Waking them up was terrifying.. I actually still visibly wince when I think about it 10 years later!

It put me off getting in that state again though so that was good! No more southern comfort for me Blush

NeitherHereOrThere · 04/03/2015 16:24

Laughing at the balloon animals too Grin how very random!