To ask you to relive a cringey moment

[heatseeker14]

Need a laugh this morning, after my beloved cat brought in a live mouse, just after 6am leaving me to corner & capture the damn thing.

I can offer the following two:

Wearing what I thought was a rather nice looking, tight fitting, polo neck top. Only to discover later on at a kids party, I had HUGE sweat patches. The more embarrassed I got, the larger they became!!!

On returning to my car, having collected an order delivered to a well known store, I discovered I had a massive, highly visible bogey . I had spent a long time chatting to staff having collected my order, tried the stuff on and then returned a couple of items - Cringe.

Can anyone else trump these?!

I once legged it from the bathroom, in the naughty naked, into the bedroom when in my friend's first floor flat thinking, meh it'll be fine no-one will see me .... only to find the curtains open and confronted with the window cleaner up his ladder

Daisy, i bet window cleaners see everything in their job! I have had loads im sure. But my memory is poor..(getting on)

'Flannelled the beaver' and the balloon animals have me crying!

I can't remember any of mine, but that doesn't meant they didn't happen....

Quite a few years ago I went for a job interview - the one and only time I wasn't offered a job and it was the one and only time it was a really amazing job.

The whole interview was a series of embarrassing moments.

I had forgotten to read my CV before sending it and under the reason for leaving current position it still read "the money is crap". Interviewer pissed himself laughing.

I was just mortified. It didn't end there - I went from one guff to another. I felt mortified when I left the interview room and decided that maybe exciting jobs would not be for me.

These are all so funny. Cringe rehab

Years ago I went on a date (pre DH) to a comedy club. I took a huge mouthful of my beer just as the stand-up said something really funny. I spat beer all over the back of the girl sitting in front of me. She was wearing a halter neck top. Classy.

The dislocated jaw just made me LOL.

I once had a job in a shop and one day we had a group of really annoying customers in (women) demanding this and that, not saying please/thank you, asking for discount on everything, loud voices, annoying laughs etc
They went to the till and my colleague came over to me and went
'Oh how F*CKING ANNOYING were they!' Cue bitchy conversation about them including mimicking their accents, repeatedly - turns out one of them was stood behind us and obviously gave us a right gob full. Totally served us right. I wanted the ground to swallow me up!

Malibu's Balloon animals - I can stop howling!

oops I meant 'can't'...see I'm crying so much I can't type !

This thread reminds me of the 'How Embarrassing' page in Sugar in the early 90s.

Vagine, balloon animals and zip wire baps - thank you

And I'm crying at MrsTedCrilly poo story.
A friend of mine once went for a poo in an alleyway whilst drunk, with friends. Never lived it down!

This is horrific.
When I was at Uni, we started a habit on nights out where we would sometimes put on accents with guys we got chatting to. One particular night it was the turn of 'Australian'. So I met a lovely young man, chatted away in a very convincing shit Perth accent, and then proceeded to go on a DATE with him the next day, all the while keeping up this ludicrous over the top neighbours accent, and hoping to just 'phase it out' should it go for more than one date.
Imagine my horror when my mum turned up to the same pub we were in, starts chatting away to us and then blinks confusedly at me before saying 'Why are you talking like that? You're from Northampton'
What a dick.

We found a poorly hedgehog once and took it in until it recovered.
I popped into the petshop and spoke to a nice young man in there, describing how we found it in the woods, were feeding it cat food and being careful to pick it up in a towel to avoid the spines etc. He wasn't very helpful and said he didn't think he could help, which I thought was a bit odd until we walked out and DD said to me " you know you kept saying hamster instead of hedgehog don't you mum?"

Working in a nursery.
3 year old boy - What did you do last night?
Me: Oh I watched a film and ate popcorn. It was lovely.
Boy: What's 'cockporn?'

He then proceeds to run around the whole classroom shouting 'COCKPORN COCKPORN COCKPORN', getting the whole rest of the class involved while I'm telling them all to stop, and, even worse, when his mum came to pick him up:
'Mum, Werk had Cockporn. It was LOVELY'

Thinking out loud whilst serving a customer during my time in retail, I meant to say 'that's £19.99 please', I actually said 'you need to wash your hair'.

I was

Ok, here goes...
So it was just after Xmas around 17 yrs ago, I was in the returns/refunds queue at marks and sparks in Liverpool.
I was 20 at the time and around a size 18 but my tummy was carrying extra Xmas weight!!
Lady in front decides to chat... she asked me when I was due my baby...
I wasn't pregnant but was so embarrassed I said "October" then realised that was 10 months away!!
She didn't say another word after that:)

Hoppinggreen sorry, but I'm a bit confused. What help did you expect from the man in the pet shop?

I think that's quite a good reply foreverton

Cockporn

In a queue at the sandwich van, rest of the queue were total strangers to me. Man in front had ordered a sandwich without tomatoes but the woman serving realised just as she was about to wrap it that she had forgotten the 'no tomatoes' and asked if she could just take the tomatoes off or if he wanted her to do another. He asked for her to make another and said he wouldn't have bothered but he was allergic to tomatoes. For some unknown reason my brain pinged up a vague memory from my Biology degree and my mouth obviously thought it was entirely appropriate to ask the complete stranger 'Oh, are you allergic to latex too?'!!! Why, out of the other possible linked allergies, I had to pick on latex I have no idea, other than maybe because he was wearing an NHS lanyard round his neck even though he appeared to work in an office and not a clinical setting

Worst of all though was that instead of just looking mildly embarrassed and choosing to ignore me he replied and we ended up having a conversation about it in front of the rest of the queue!

For the record - he was quite sure he wasn't allergic to latex but did promise to bear it in mind next time he came into contact with it!

I couldn't face returning to the van for weeks afterwards

When I was about 15 and in PE playing tennis it was doubles and it was me and 3 boys who were very cool and one in particular was gorgeous.

I went to impress them with my non existent amazing tennis skills and my bra audibly snapped. I scurried off and was so embarrassed I told the teacher I felt sick.

For reasons best known to myself I compounded the embarrassment by staying at school without the bra and wearing my tight white shirt with it. Didn't realise until I got home how much I had been putting on display.

Feel sick thinking about it!!

1. last week the doorbell rang and I answered it. It's two young very wholesome and innocent looking Jehovah's witnesses who stand there mumbling and blushing whilst trying to hand me a leaflet. Only once I'd shut the door did I realise I'd not put my left breast away after feeding ds

I can't top any of those but I'm a proper calamity jane. I'm always I scrapes or In the soup.
The one I can just about bear to tell was when we stayed at a lovely little farmhouse in Cornwall in a small but very elegantly furnished studio apartment with very expensive looking furniture. Of course when we were shown to the room I commented on how beautiful it was and how much we would take care of it.

I sometimes get a digestive problem duringthe night with a bit of heartburn so, so I don't wake OH by puttting on the light I have a glass of water to hand and a little bag of bicarbonate soda, which I sometimes manage to shake a good pinch into the glass, down it , a few windy burps later and I'm back off to sleep. Job done.

So this is our last night. I do my famous bicarb trick, snoring OH doesn't notice a thing.

But in the light of day....there's a different story. The white bicarb has now turned an ominous shade of dark brown and has welded itself to the beautiful light ash chest of drawers at the side of the bed.

I'm horrified and OH is stunned. I'm scrupulously careful when I rent something and I just wanted to die.

I gently swabbed it with something warm and wet but I could see a making more than a soft piece of gauze was going to remove the powder and the finished the furniture.

We were leaving that day too and I had to fess up. She was absolutely lovely about my grovelling apology but ifelt dreadful.still do.

Can't believe the reaction it caused.absolute nightmare.

Great stories. I loved the balloon animals story.

Hilarious.

Btw..OH often leaves his kindle in the bathroom and if he hears me heading for there he'll practically break his neck to beat me to it to retrieve the kindle rather than leave it the danger zone.