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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no, I don't want to watch cbeebies all day

153 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 01/03/2015 13:33

I have a DS who has just turned 11 months old and he has very limited interest in the TV unless he's climbing up it or banging his toys against it.

I will very frequently have the TV on in the background when I'm playing with DS but this is mainly so I can catch up on my recorded programmes by half listening to them as it's rare I actually get the chance to properly sit down and watch them.

Sometimes though, if DS is happily entertaining himself with his books or toys I will settle on the sofa and watch TV with a cup of tea for twenty minutes.

I have never seen a problem with any of this.

However, on three occasions now I have had friends visit (without children) and whilst they are here I obviously have the TV volume down but it's still showing a recorded programme that I'm semi-watching as I like background noise plus it means I can still take occasional peeks at the screen to follow the storyline.

During their visits, when I left the room to get them a drink or go the loo or something I returned to the living room to see they had put cbeebies on and turned the volume up so that "DS could hear it" Hmm

I can only assume that on all of these occasions they thought that if the TV was on in the background then it should be on a channel that is designed for children.

I wouldn't mind so much if I returned to find cbeebies on but that DS was engrossed in it, but he never ever is. He's paying no notice to it whatsoever.

It really annoys me, their assumption that DS wants to watch cbeebies or that I'm doing him some kind of disservice by it not being on.

I also think it's pretty rude to change someone's TV channel when they leave the room Grin

The only time DS really watches the TV is when I'm watching The Chase Grin

I know cbeebies is likely to be a Godsend as DS gets older but do I really have to have it on all day just because I have a child??!!

It drives me mad!!

I may start hiding the TV remote when these specific friends visit Grin

OP posts:
LeSaor · 02/03/2015 10:05

Sorry, probably not. Nature trails are much more educational than parties which are for the riffraff. :D

Iggly · 02/03/2015 10:06

YABU.

YABU! The TV on all the time with your kid is one thing Hmm but when you have guests?

How rude.

fattymcfatfat · 02/03/2015 10:08

Grin lesoar I understand what you mean. I dont have my tv on all the time. just for my soaps and programmes at night and jk. but if I have friends round with their dc then I whack it on and shut them up!

and I never stop my dcs from watching it unless DS has homework to do first. its just that as a family ( single mum on benefits here for those of you who think this is a class thing) we prefer to read.

Iggly · 02/03/2015 10:09

Yet another creepy mumsnet hivemind tbh along with thank you cards which nobody in my world uses

^this is bollox.

Look at the range of replies.

Also if you think there's a hive mind, then maybe that's what a lot of people not on MN think too....

GhostlyPenguin · 02/03/2015 10:20

We watch TV - I grew up watching a lot of TV.

It's not evil - it a very important device which bring entertainment, news and all kinds of information into my home.

However I've only come across one person in my social set - and as we've lived in various locations and know a wide variety of people and only visited one person who has the TV in the background with visitors.

That not to say other groups and areas don't have different conventions just IME it's not the done thing.

So IME it's odd behaviour and I was brought up to believe it is rude. If someone gave me a reason it was being left on anxiety or end of important program then I wouldn't think rude - I would know there was a reason.

I'm sitting in a quite house at the minute - bird noise in garden and washing machine going. I may put radio or music on later or I may not. A party of course I'd expect background noise.

When I had pre-school DC I liked having the active and saved TV for later in the day like when I was cooking and needed them quiet. So being invited round to to friends house and having my DC watching TV and feeling I'm being ignored didn't fit in my our routines or do much for us.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/03/2015 10:27

Having a TV on too quiet to hear properly but loud enough to hear that Iit's on isn't watching TV though - I don't know how it can be a class thing to like having voices you can't quite hear in the background - watch as much TV as you like, but don't make other people sit in a room with it "burbling" - it's like expecting people to chat to you while you idly run your fingernails down a blackboard....

RufusTheReindeer · 02/03/2015 10:28

Of course there's not a hive mind

I would put the tv on when my dad visits in the evening for his tea

I would put the tv in to entertain small children

I would put the tv on if I had invited someone round to specifically to watch a film

I wouldn't put it on when a friend or family visits for a few hours

I wouldn't put it on during a play date

I do put it on in the background when I'm reading or mumsnetting

RufusTheReindeer · 02/03/2015 10:30

It's so distracting...even without sound

BringMeTea · 02/03/2015 10:30

It is definitely NOT a middle class thing. Working class background and brought up to turn off tv when guests arrive. Full stop. I think the point behind that is the guest is 'king' and as host you should show them that their visit is important, i.e. Stop and converse.

And I adore my tv. Smile

RufusTheReindeer · 02/03/2015 10:30

bring

Completely agree

Halogenaque · 02/03/2015 10:38

What I mean is middle classes taking issue with it.

DH v working class and basically same attitude ie not
Giving a fig what other people choose to do.

And I more meant TV in general being such a point of contention. I do agree having TV on for guests is odd, whatever class you're from. Perhaps it's a regional thing?

AwakeCantSleep · 02/03/2015 10:38

Would like to add that I like watching TV. I'm not anti TV. I also like listening to the radio (BBC Radio 3, shoot me), and I have that on quite often while doing other things. It's a lot less distracting than TV as I'm not tempted to look at it all the time. Having the TV on in the background seriously affects my concentration and focus. If I have guests I want to focus on them not the TV!

BikketBikketBikket · 02/03/2015 10:46

Being an old gimmer, I can remember the joy when video recorders arrived and we could just slam the programme we were watching on to 'record' as the visitors walked in and the telly went off (always)... It saved missing the last 10 minutes of a series that you'd watched for weeks, and meant that you knew whodunit Grin
I can't stand being in someone's house and trying to talk with them while the telly flickers and mutters along in the background - I'd leave as soon as I could. It will come as no surprise to hear that I can only go to sleep if the room is completely quiet and dark. 'Twas the way that I was brought up... Blush

BringMeTea · 02/03/2015 10:49

I take your point halogenaque but as someone from a working class background I do find it rude. Well, it's never happened to me tbf. I would find it rude.

I am genuinely interested in you being from an UC background and married to someone from a WC (unfortunate acronym) background. Obviously I am being nosey and feel free to ignore but how did that come about? It is so unusual.

MumToFourCats · 02/03/2015 10:50

Our TV switches itself off mid program usually (it's about 15 years old) so we tend to watch I-player instead... I remember once my daughter invited friends over to watch a film, all sitting there with popcorn, drinks etc and my ex stormed in, turned the TV off and shouted that it's rude to watch TV when you have friends over! I gently pointed out that's actually why they were invited and he was very embarrassed and couldn't apologise enough! Grin

RatMort · 02/03/2015 10:54

Gosh, some people are being enormously defensive about other posters thinking it's rude to keep a TV on in the background when you have visitors. Deal with it, people - different people think different things!

I think Halogen (or should that be the Hon. Halogen? ??)makes a good point too about part of it being a space issue. If you have smaller or entirely open-plan living space, you are more likely to spend more time in the same physical space as a TV, if you have one, than if you have a huge house with spread-out living spaces. Unless, that is, you have specifically chosen to alter that by installing several TVs in different downstairs rooms. Which I think would definitely code as nouveau riche. So we're back to class. I agree it's primarily a middle-class thing.

Halogenaque · 02/03/2015 10:58

Think it's getting less and less unusual you know. Since everyone goes to university now. We met at university, I went to a slightly more 'down market' one to everyone else before me (still Russell group but not Oxbridge, Bristol, St andrews or Edinburgh ha!) and he was the first in his family to go.

I'll admit what originally attracted me to him was that he was a 'chav' (jewellery, Burberry, track suits, copious hair gel, the works!) so I guess that's how it happened. His family find me and mine quite ridiculous (in a nice way) and can't get their heads round the fact that we are 'posh' but are always so grubby! It is really brilliant seeing everyone together and our wedding was hilarious.

Dilbertdoes · 02/03/2015 11:04

Surely having the TV on the whole time means you're never really concentrating on what you're doing or on your own thoughts, and also never concentrating on the TV programme. It's one of my pet hates - can't stand having life diluted like that. And it will encourage your child to become dependent on the TV being on, when he's a bit older. Also very rude to friends.

NancyRaygun · 02/03/2015 11:08

It is so SO rude to have the TV on when visitors come over. Sound off or not. Working class gal here!

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:17

I'm in the rude camp too, sorry. To me it makes it look as though you just aren't that interested in the person who has visited you.

I like background noise and used to have the telly on a lot but have found as DC get older they watch it more and more. Under 1 they weren't interested. Now at 3 the telly on goes on when I want her to watch it, as otherwise she'll just be glued to it all the time and you can't get her to concentrate on playing.

No idea whether your DS will start becoming more interested as he grows up, but just a thought.

rockybalboa · 02/03/2015 11:27

Yup, I'm in the turn the TV off when you have visitors camp. However, it is also mega rude of your friends to change channel and put the volume up. A score draw on the rudeness front!

BringMeTea · 02/03/2015 11:42

halogenaque Thanks for replying. Though your description of your DH when you met leaves me more intrigued not less! I would pay folding money to see the wedding video. The hypothetical wedding video. Grin

Dilbertdoes · 02/03/2015 11:51

I was once invited to dinner by an acquaintance. She and her DH sat opposite me at the dining table, from where they could watch their TV, which was running Britain's Got Talent all evening. As I was facing the opposite direction I couldn't see the TV myself. Needless to say that was the last time I bothered with that acquaintance.
What OP is doing is admittedly not quite that bad, but would still annoy me a lot as a friend and make me feel that I shouldn't have come and that my departure asap would be welcomed.

countessmarkyabitch · 02/03/2015 11:53

Its nothing at all to do with the TV, you're all getting to caught up in that.

If a guest comes to see you and you keep doing something else that takes up your attention: its rude to your guest. It doesn't matter if you're watching tv, reading a book, or learning the fucking cha cha, if you don't stop it and focus on your guest, you're rude and unwelcoming.

Seriously, are basic manners now so difficult that people are defending their rights not to have any?

VeronicaCaCa · 02/03/2015 11:59

"the fucking cha cha" Grin