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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that no, I don't want to watch cbeebies all day

153 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 01/03/2015 13:33

I have a DS who has just turned 11 months old and he has very limited interest in the TV unless he's climbing up it or banging his toys against it.

I will very frequently have the TV on in the background when I'm playing with DS but this is mainly so I can catch up on my recorded programmes by half listening to them as it's rare I actually get the chance to properly sit down and watch them.

Sometimes though, if DS is happily entertaining himself with his books or toys I will settle on the sofa and watch TV with a cup of tea for twenty minutes.

I have never seen a problem with any of this.

However, on three occasions now I have had friends visit (without children) and whilst they are here I obviously have the TV volume down but it's still showing a recorded programme that I'm semi-watching as I like background noise plus it means I can still take occasional peeks at the screen to follow the storyline.

During their visits, when I left the room to get them a drink or go the loo or something I returned to the living room to see they had put cbeebies on and turned the volume up so that "DS could hear it"

I can only assume that on all of these occasions they thought that if the TV was on in the background then it should be on a channel that is designed for children.

I wouldn't mind so much if I returned to find cbeebies on but that DS was engrossed in it, but he never ever is. He's paying no notice to it whatsoever.

It really annoys me, their assumption that DS wants to watch cbeebies or that I'm doing him some kind of disservice by it not being on.

I also think it's pretty rude to change someone's TV channel when they leave the room

The only time DS really watches the TV is when I'm watching The Chase

I know cbeebies is likely to be a Godsend as DS gets older but do I really have to have it on all day just because I have a child??!!

It drives me mad!!

I may start hiding the TV remote when these specific friends visit

OP posts:

Housewife2010 · 02/03/2015 07:38

Maybe it's a class thing? I would definitely switch the TV off when I have visitors, but if you have more of a Royle Family lifestyle you may be more used to keeping it on.

JumpRope · 02/03/2015 07:52

I was thinking this, Housewife2010!

Background noise from the radio is much more acceptable, IMO, although I turn that off when I have a visitor unless it's on a music station.

Having said that, when I only had one child of under one, on a winter's afternoon I would occasionally watch escape to the country or some such show, whilst he kicked on his mat. Don't have time now.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/03/2015 08:25

If I visited someone amd the tv stayed on, I would assume that they really wanted to watch that programme and I was interrupting them! Would cut the visit short tbh.

Heebiejeebie · 02/03/2015 08:34

Isn't it like having an annoying chatterbox prattling nonsense in the corner all day? Don't you ever just want it to SHUT UP??

Fairylea · 02/03/2015 08:45

Definitely not a class thing.

I think those who find it very intrusive in the background have it too loudly. Do you find it intrusive when you go out for dinner and couples at other tables are talking? It's a relaxing blurb in the background and that's the noise level we usually have ours on. Not the same level as if we are actively sitting there watching a drama or a film. Then we would have it louder and actually sit and watch it.

If it's something like masterchef or some non drama programme then you can follow what's going on whilst having other conversations. Multi tasking.....! It's not like you need to concentrate on it in the same way as an episode of wolf hall or breaking bad or something like that.

I find if I sit there in silence I hear every little noise around the house and that disturbs me more than the noise of the tv that I can tune out from. I also feel I don't have to constantly make conversation with other people in the room and it's more relaxing. Dh reads a lot and says he finds he can read more easily with the tv on in the background!

I guess all families are different.

When my American side of the family have come to stay they get very stressed that we have the tv on all the time because they put it on to literally watch a programme and then turn it off again. As a consequence they sit there more absorbed in everything that's on than we do and try to actively watch everything whereas we just pick bits of it out and carry on around it... a bit like leaving a newspaper lying around on a dining table perhaps, someone will pass and read a bit and then come back to it etc.

My dhs family is very working class and they turn the tv off when we visit and I find the silence awful. Conversations feel quite intense! Maybe I'm just an introvert.

Halogenaque · 02/03/2015 08:51

OP if you don't have TV in the bedroom how does your DH fall asleep to the TV? You say upthread he struggles to sleep without it.

Genuine question to those of you who have TV on a lot, what do your DC do when you go round to other people's houses, to the pub, out for a meal etc?

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 02/03/2015 08:56

I would also find this rude. But I rarely put the tv on these days. It used to be on quite often but I found I was just watching rubbish for the sake of it. Now that I'm not in a habit of always putting it on I go weeks sometimes without having watched anything. We watch a DVD in the evenings while tea is cooking and over the weekend but that's it. Radio and music are always always on during the day. I like to read in the evenings so don't have it on then. So for me, this tv on all day thing seems v strange and unnecessary, but I think it's habit for a lot of people.

kim147 · 02/03/2015 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 02/03/2015 09:01

Halogenaque when we go out for dinner or to the pub we eat and talk without the tv like everyone else! We are not addicted to it. We just prefer it on at home. We don't use any screens at all during dinner or otherwise when we are out and if we are home the tv on in the background is the only screen we have around when we eat.

Fairylea · 02/03/2015 09:02

(Saying that actually we never go to the pub and we don't drink alcohol at all ever either but you know what I mean....!)

RatMort · 02/03/2015 09:02

TV on eternally in the background or not is almost certainly a class issue, as so much to do with tv (size of screen, hung on wall/over mantelpiece/hidden in a cupboard/how many TVs in house etc etc) is.

I'm another who finds tv on, half-heard and half-watched, irritating and depressing (either watch it or don't!) and would find it outrageously rude if someone was semi-watching a TV programme when I was in their house. Or I would think I was getting a broad hint that my presence was unwelcome and inconvenient.

kim147 · 02/03/2015 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 02/03/2015 09:05

I don't think it's a class thing particularly, I come from a working class background and we never had the TV on in the daytime. I just dislike background noise and distractions and only have the TV on if I'm actually watching something. And having read that constant background noise/television is bad for speech development in babies I am even less inclined to have it on.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/03/2015 09:19

Fairylea - the TV on at a burbling level in the background is the most annoying thing to do - it's like leaving a tap dripping. My DH does this sometimes and I just can't stand it - turn it up so it can be heard or turn it off! Having it on at a volume just too quiet to catch the words but not silent is the most distracting, annoying thing ever!

RatMort · 02/03/2015 09:19

I'm from a working-class background too, Got, but I think that comparing TV in our childhoods and TV now is apples and oranges, really. We didn't have TV when I was a child (70s, early 80s) but that would be almost unheard of today, unless you were pretty deprived - TVs are seen as far more 'necessary'. But look at that other recent 'wall-hanging tv and screen size' thread, which mapped out fairly predictably along class lines - the middle-middles and upper-middles were far more likely to have fewer TVs, or to have them in less prominent positions.

ToffeeCaramel · 02/03/2015 09:28

sofatastic Do we get a prize for guessing where your tv is? We know it's not in the lounge, bedrooms, kitchen or bathroom. Hmm. Dining room?

countessmarkyabitch · 02/03/2015 09:30

When my American side of the family have come to stay they get very stressed that we have the tv on all the time because they put it on to literally watch a programme and then turn it off again.

EponasWildDaughter · 02/03/2015 09:33

When DD (13 m) and i are alone in the house and i'm pottering or MNing i stick the TV in the living room onto a radio channel, volume down lowish (something gentle like Smooth or Classic) Little DD will occasionally dance a little bit to the music, or try to sing along with me if i sing, but mostly ignores it and gets on with playing/eating/cuddling with me/following me round the house, or whatever. She ignores the screen completely as it just displays the radio logo. Nothing to distract her.

We still chat and play between chores. She can hear me, i can hear her. The rest of the house is in silence. It's nice :)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 02/03/2015 09:34

I agree MrTumbles, any noise (TV or radio) burbling along in the background at a low volume is really bloody irritating.

Maybe you're right Rat. Although I grew up in the late 80's early 90's and we did have a TV (I think I even had one in my bedroom ) but I know my mum feels the same way about background noise as I do! DH on the other hand is from a middle class, private school educated background and he'd have it on all the time if he was left to his own devices. His dad is a private school headmaster and turns the TV on as soon as he walks in from anywhere!

VeronicaCaCa · 02/03/2015 09:44

Surely the point of having friends over is to TALK to them? Not getting why anyone is worried or stressed about silences or intense conversation?? I really find this very odd

I would consider anyone who left the tv on (other than for dc) whilst I was a visitor very rude and unspeakably common.

AwakeCantSleep · 02/03/2015 09:44

I'm with the majority on this. The thought of having TV on all day I find utterly depressing. My TV is on if I'm watching a programme and off otherwise. I wouldn't dream of having it on when someone is visiting, that's just rude.

Those of you who have the TV on constantly and find having conversations "intense" and silence "awkward", don't you think the two are related? Do you talk to your children much? How does having the TV on all day help your children's social skills, communication and ability to concentrate?

Also, try sitting in silence for just a few minutes; you might hear the birds sing

Hathall · 02/03/2015 09:56

If I went to visit someone and they kept glancing over to watch something, I'd take the the hint and leave.

I'm not anti TV at all and agree with those who say it's depressing having it on all the time. None of my friends or family have the TV on when anyone visits as they want to spend time with the visitor.

GhostlyPenguin · 02/03/2015 10:00

I don't think it's a class thing.

Working class backgrounds - we both grew up with TV off with visitors and automatically do it in our house. We live in very class mixed areas and been to a variety of homes and none did this save one.

It was very disconcerting for one very middle class fiend who did this- she wanted our DC to play and us to talk - but TV was always on. Younger DC sat like zombies and she was constantly distracted by TV. I tried not to go preferring a trip to park or round our house with loads of toys and tv off.

LeSaor · 02/03/2015 10:03

I have anxiety and derealisation and having the TV on is really comforting idk, sort of makes me feel grounded in the real world, so I always have it on even when I'm not watching it. (Well not always, it's not on now, but often). Usually when I'm alone but I'd probably leave it on quietly when someone was there just like EVERY OTHER PERSON I KNOW.

Yet another creepy mumsnet hivemind tbh along with thank you cards which nobody in my world uses. Yes, clutch those pearls, verbal thank yous without recorded transcripts! But to the point. You don't need total silence and undivided attention to see your close friends, do you?! Like, I need to show Tarquin that his conversation about Waitrose avocados has my full attention, I need total silence? Life's great when acting "polite" is done on a common sense, case by case basis (no TV when the headmaster comes sound, whack up the EastEnders when your mate drops round with a bottle) rather than snobbish, bordering on religiously fervent, arbitrary absolute rules. NO TV OR YOU ARE A RUDE DISGUSTING PERSON. Must be exhausting living in your world.

Do you have silent parties? You know, so you can hear everyone talking?

Halogenaque · 02/03/2015 10:05

I think it's a specifically Middle class issue. I grew up upper class (my dad is an earl) stately home etc and we watched loads of TV. Although admittedly there were plenty of other rooms to be in so was never a focus or issue with guests etc. but we were all roaming feral with thousands of kids and teenagers in and out all the time so I do t think anyone ever Gave it much thought.

I don't have much TV with my kids now though and would never leave it on for guests.

IME and O the upper classes don't give two hoots what people think of them or what other people are doing and just want to be left alone with their money and dogs.

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