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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be torn between a dog or baby?!

110 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 15:57

DH and I have been planning to get a dog for as long as I can remember - I've been desperate for one since my childhood dog died 10 years ago.

We finally have our own house with a decent garden and are making plans to get one in the summer when we'll both take several weeks off work between us to train / settle the puppy.

However in recent weeks I've felt my biological clock starting to tick (I'm 27, have been married for a year - DH is a couple of years older). We both have good, stable jobs. I'm lucky to be in an excellent public sector job which is family friendly and offers 6 months full pay maternity leave as well as generous annual leave entitlements My parents are a young late 50's and my mum is looking to retire in the next year, and has already offered to have any future grandchild 2 days a week and DH's mum has also offered 1 day so we would be in a good position child care wise, as we would both likely go back to work full time.

I feel like it's an absolute choice between one or the other though! If I fell pregnant now (we're not ttc) we would have to kiss the canine dreams goodbye, which would break my heart. Taking on both just seems like too much work!

OP posts:
OttiliaVonBCup · 28/02/2015 15:59

Baby now, dog later.

Floggingmolly · 28/02/2015 16:00

If there's the slightest possibility that you'd prefer a dog to a baby; get the dog Hmm

MrsTawdry · 28/02/2015 16:00

Dog later...just wait till your child or children are over 7.

LokiBear · 28/02/2015 16:01

You can still get a dog when your kids are a little older.

ILovePud · 28/02/2015 16:03

Why is it a choice? Granted taking on a puppy at the same time as a new baby would be a handful but it could take a while to conceive and it doesn't usually take 9 months to train a puppy anyway. We had dogs before we had children and mat leave probably means you'll be home a lot with both.

flanjabelle · 28/02/2015 16:04

I would say baby first, dog later. the baby stage is hard, it would be easier without a dog to consider.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 28/02/2015 16:06

If you are both working/going to work full time then a dog is a non starter in any case - unless you have some excellent doggy day care near you?

tabulahrasa · 28/02/2015 16:06

Don't get a puppy if you're both working full time.

cariadlet · 28/02/2015 16:08

I'd say dog now and start trying for a baby. Even if you are lucky enough to become pregnant straight away, it will be 9 months before the baby comes along. That's plenty of time to get a dog trained and settled.

I've had friends with dogs who have had babies, and it's been fine. Just be sensible eg make it clear that the child comes above the dog in the pack order (but don't neglect the dog so that it becomes jealous of the new baby), never leave the child and dog alone in a room while the child is still a baby or a toddler, and teach the child to treat the dog with respect.

Good luck.

NeedABumChange · 28/02/2015 16:09

Dog now, you're still young!

Swingball · 28/02/2015 16:09

I think children then dog is better. If you do dog then baby - what if the dog doesn't like the baby? Pets can become a bit of an annoyance when you are so totally focussed on the needs of your baby.

cariadlet · 28/02/2015 16:10

Just reread the post properly - I'd missed the bit about both being full time. Forget having a dog. They're sociable animals. I love dogs, but have never had one as an adult, because I work full time (long hours) and wouldn't want to leave it on its own all day.

Bowlersarm · 28/02/2015 16:12

How would you look after the dog if you work full time?

ifgrandmahadawilly · 28/02/2015 16:15

With that maternity package, go for the baby! Plus, you can get a dog at any stage of your life.

Your thread title made me laugh :-)

Tobyjugg · 28/02/2015 16:19

Baby first. Young dogs can get jealous of newborns and start to pine.

mumofboyo · 28/02/2015 16:22

My nan always used to say, "Introduce the dog to the family rather than the family to the dog." In other words, it's best to bring a pup to an already established family rather than try and get an older dog used to having young babies and toddlers.
I would suggest that you try for the baby/babies now and then get the dog a few years down the line when you/your dh may work part-time or there are other people in the house most of the time so the dog isn't left home alone for long periods of time (or you can arrange a dog-sitter for the hours you're at work).

monkeyfacegrace · 28/02/2015 16:23

I think it depends on what sort of person you are.

I couldn't hold a job down if I wanted to. The thought of working full times makes me go all wobbly!

But, I foster dogs and have 2 of my own, I also have 2 kids, am very heavily pregnant, and childmind a further 2 more aged 2 and 1.

I personally find dogs and kids a breeze. Baby pops out, slap her/him in a sling, carry on with life.

But, as I said, very much depends how you cope with things.

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 28/02/2015 16:33

I have 2 dogs & 2 cats and we're TTC. I'll go back to work part time and my DH works 4 nightshifts a week. My mum is happy to help with childcare but we might only need it one or two days & the dogs will still be at home with DH. Surely it depends very much on your circumstances and how much chaos you can cope with?

Also if your expecting childcare to include doggy daycare maybe the people you should be asking are your mums?

Higgle · 28/02/2015 16:34

There is this huge issue on Mumsnet that a dog is a difficult thing. If you go into it with the idea that dog needs constant entertainement etc. then dog will be difficult. My own experience over 30 years of dogs and children ( and the two dogs we had when we got married were getting on a bit when DS 1 came along and we had a puppy when DS2 was born) is that if you expect it to be just a normal part of life it will be. I'd suggest you get dog now, because you both want one and it is easier than having a baby, then baby can fit in later. You will need outside help with puppy such as doggy day care if you are both out full time.

ChipDip · 28/02/2015 16:38

If you really see a dog and a baby as equal then don't have a baby. You simply aren't ready other than feeling that you 'have to'.

tabulahrasa · 28/02/2015 16:44

"There is this huge issue on Mumsnet that a dog is a difficult thing."

To be fair, that's because they're interested in animal welfare and people getting a puppy and not thinking through the amount of work it is is why rescues and selling sites are full of adolescent dogs looking for new owners.

I had dogs first and I'd usually recommend it that way round, for lots of reasons...but not a puppy for two fulltime workers.

My current dog took 2 months just to housetrain (as a puppy) and most doggy daycare isn't suitable for puppies.

So unless a friend or family member is going to have it all day, or visit for significant amounts of time, I don't think a puppy is the right thing to do.

Original poster
Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 16:54

Glad the title is amusing!

DH and I are both flexi so will stagger our days, plus we will have daytime visits from FIL who doesn't work. Failing that, dog walker. We're committed to making it work. And I really do have a lot of leave/time off!

My working environment is very positive and supportive so I've never found my role stressful even though I'm an uptight stress person. I'm so keen on the dog and IMO it might be good practice for a baby Wink

When I was 26 it seemed like I had all the time in the world for a baby. Now suddenly at 27 it all seems to have changed!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 28/02/2015 16:56

I have a baby, and given the choice between our baby or a dog- I'd choose a cat.

pilates · 28/02/2015 16:57

Baby first, then a dog 5/6 years later.

You don't know how long it will take to conceive.

FromSeaToShining · 28/02/2015 17:00

Dog now, baby later. And it is perfectly possible to take good care of dog if both of you work full time.