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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be torn between a dog or baby?!

110 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 15:57

DH and I have been planning to get a dog for as long as I can remember - I've been desperate for one since my childhood dog died 10 years ago.

We finally have our own house with a decent garden and are making plans to get one in the summer when we'll both take several weeks off work between us to train / settle the puppy.

However in recent weeks I've felt my biological clock starting to tick (I'm 27, have been married for a year - DH is a couple of years older). We both have good, stable jobs. I'm lucky to be in an excellent public sector job which is family friendly and offers 6 months full pay maternity leave as well as generous annual leave entitlements My parents are a young late 50's and my mum is looking to retire in the next year, and has already offered to have any future grandchild 2 days a week and DH's mum has also offered 1 day so we would be in a good position child care wise, as we would both likely go back to work full time.

I feel like it's an absolute choice between one or the other though! If I fell pregnant now (we're not ttc) we would have to kiss the canine dreams goodbye, which would break my heart. Taking on both just seems like too much work!

OP posts:

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/02/2015 17:01

Baby now, dog never.

DeeCayed · 28/02/2015 17:04

Baby, they grow up and can be left (either with family or depending on age by themselves) if you want to go on holiday you can book it without the extra hassle of them finding kennels etc.
Kids also grow up to wipe their own bum you'll be picking up dog shit, potentially, for 10+ years. Think of the dog hair! The barking! You can't just have an impromptu weekend away etc.

sanquhar · 28/02/2015 17:05

i would do either

dog then kids

kids and dog when when kids are 100% independent/able to sort themselves out(11yo ish??)

my sil got a rescue puppy when her kids were 7&5 and it was hellishly hard and utter chaos. she ended up giving the puppy back after 3 weeks as she was on her knees with exhaustion and stress.

i myself prefer the no effort cat

SoupDragon · 28/02/2015 17:06

Baby first.

You can always get a dog whenever you want. You can't always have a baby.

DeeCayed · 28/02/2015 17:06

When I say you I mean all of you collectively not just that you'll be the only one responsible for the dog.

specialsubject · 28/02/2015 17:06

as someone mentioned, full-time work and a dog are mutually exclusive. Your neighbours will want to kill either it or you.

ok, full-time work and a baby also quite difficult but you do get six months maternity leave.

BertieBotts · 28/02/2015 17:06

I would get the dog first and have the baby later. This is what we're doing this year. (I already have a 6yo DS)

I've not had a dog before and I think it's going to be pretty full on, from what I have read about training etc, plus I don't really want the dog to be in the "teenager" stage when we have a new baby. I think it would be hard to deal with a toddler/baby and new dog together, so I think it's best if DC are older, like over 5, when you get a new dog. It's going to take much longer to go through pregnancy, child getting to 5 years old, especially if you want more than one child, (it could easily be around 10 years if you want 3 DC and take a few months to conceive) than it will take to get one dog to a point where you know it very well and feel confident with its behaviour to introduce a baby into the mixture.

So I would go for the dog first. Or baby(/ies) and then dog much later.

Andrewofgg · 28/02/2015 17:07

Baby first. Dog when you are sure your family is complete.

And good luck with the baby!

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2015 17:08

Dog instead of baby

They're much better

TiggyD · 28/02/2015 17:09

If you want something to chew on bones, to walk about on all fours, to chase balls in the park, and to cut the balls off to stop it getting too frisky, best chose a dog.

Gemzybelle · 28/02/2015 17:09

I have done both, its not that difficult. But would tend to agree with other posters that if you think having a dog or a baby are even remotely on the same level then you aren't ready for a baby.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/02/2015 17:10

Just wait until next year when you are 28 and firmly in your late twenties.

Baby first. YABU to even have to ask.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/02/2015 17:12

If you want something that eventually learns to deal with its own poo thengo for a child. Other perks of children are that you can take them on holidays. No kennels.

Id go for a baby. Then, three or four months into your Mat Leave, have a re-asses and maybe get a Rescue (so no potty training etc)

Anomaly · 28/02/2015 17:13

I'd probably say baby then dog. We had two dogs when eldest was born. They were brilliant with him as a baby. One dog continued to love him as a toddler the other we had to rehome as he was terrified of him once he was mobile. He just couldn't relax in the same room and was so anxious. The other dog died.

We madly got puppies when our youngest was a few months old. They are great little dogs and fab with the kids. Just research your breed to make sure it fits into your life. Be realistic about the time you have for training. We got small dogs so the kids can hold their leads. I know you can train a big dog to walk nicely but I knew we never would!

Nightowlagain · 28/02/2015 17:15

Baby first, the dog when they're older, 5 at least. We've been looking into getting a dog, we have one DS who's 3. Apparently kids don't develop empathy until they're 5 to 7, so you run the risk of them poking and mistreating the dog and not knowing when it's getting irritated. Recipe for disaster, I wouldn't risk it until DS is older. And I would never have a dog and then have a baby, it might not adjust and then you'd be in the unenviable position if having to rehome your beloved pet.

Others may feel differently, but I'd always recommend completing your family first and then adding pets to it!

countessmarkyabitch · 28/02/2015 17:17

I agree with whoever said that if you really can't decide between a baby and a dog, get a dog. You clearly don't want a baby that much.

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 17:18

Thanks all great mix of views/experiences.

Dog will be miniature schnauzer so small, family friendly and wire haired = no shedding!

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 28/02/2015 17:18

ThinkIveBeenHacked - You are right, but on the other hand dogs don't turn into teenagers!

countessmarkyabitch · 28/02/2015 17:19

Apparently kids don't develop empathy until they're 5 to 7,

SpecificOcean · 28/02/2015 17:21

"Taking on both just seems like too much work!"

If you think it's going to be too much work to do both then wait until later in life to get the dog (perhaps you will be able to work p/time or do opposite shifts)-there's no biological clock for getting a dog.

We had dogs before DC and no problems, and we were able to do all childcare/dog care ourselves. We would never would work full time, same hours, out of home and have a dog.

Sadly rescue homes have dogs which were given up when baby comes along

Viviennemary · 28/02/2015 17:24

Personally I don't think dogs and babies mix. If you want a baby put the dog on hold for a few years. But make sure a baby is what you really want. And it doesn't really sound as if you are quite sure yet. Put the whole thing on hold for a while.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 28/02/2015 17:24

Your job sounds fab can I ask what you do?

BertieBotts · 28/02/2015 17:28

Maybe the empathy thing is not true, but certainly it's harder for a younger child to understand and remember even when they are excited/scared/stressed that they shouldn't do certain things to the dog. So either a dog you are extremely confident with or older children, I reckon. I wouldn't have a dog which is badly trained or not yet trained and younger children, especially if you are inexperienced with either dogs or children!

OttiliaVonBCup · 28/02/2015 17:33

Dogs are great company when the children grow up and bugger off.

Lovelydiscusfish · 28/02/2015 17:39

Well, I started TTC a couple of months after getting my dog, and didn't consider it particularly risky or foolish behaviour - maybe I was naive. Admittedly she was an adult rescue dog (extremely well trained when we got her, tho we have managed to untrain her a little since!), rather than a puppy.
This might not be received wisdom, and it is very much just based on my subjective experience, but I feel that, with the right dog, well trained, and careful and vigilant safety routines, then a newborn and a dog are no real problem, and a toddler and a dog are in fact a real joy! In my experience.
The only down side is that you have to keep thinking safety all the time, you can't leave the baby sleeping in it's Moses basket for a moment while you pop to the kitchen, unless you take the dog with you, little things like that. But this quickly becomes second nature.

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