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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be torn between a dog or baby?!

110 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 15:57

DH and I have been planning to get a dog for as long as I can remember - I've been desperate for one since my childhood dog died 10 years ago.

We finally have our own house with a decent garden and are making plans to get one in the summer when we'll both take several weeks off work between us to train / settle the puppy.

However in recent weeks I've felt my biological clock starting to tick (I'm 27, have been married for a year - DH is a couple of years older). We both have good, stable jobs. I'm lucky to be in an excellent public sector job which is family friendly and offers 6 months full pay maternity leave as well as generous annual leave entitlements My parents are a young late 50's and my mum is looking to retire in the next year, and has already offered to have any future grandchild 2 days a week and DH's mum has also offered 1 day so we would be in a good position child care wise, as we would both likely go back to work full time.

I feel like it's an absolute choice between one or the other though! If I fell pregnant now (we're not ttc) we would have to kiss the canine dreams goodbye, which would break my heart. Taking on both just seems like too much work!

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 28/02/2015 17:39

I wouldn't get a dog if you work full time. I don't think its dog or baby, you can do both, but its not fair on a puppy if you work full time.

zeezeek · 28/02/2015 17:41

We had dogs long before the DC came along and when they did they just slotted into the dog's lives very easily .

With dogs it's how they are brought up that counts - like kids. I wouldn't leave it so long that your dog gets too used to being the baby of the family though, and gets too used to not having young children around.

Dogs, kids = match made in heaven.

pilates · 28/02/2015 17:43

"Dog will be miniature schnauzer so small, family friendly and wire haired = no shedding!"

Now I'm envious, my favourite breed of dog, but I would still have a baby first and wait several years.

Good luck BTW.

Lovelydiscusfish · 28/02/2015 17:44

Oh, and I've never, ever so far (touch wood) have had any issue with my dd's behaviour around the dog (she is nearly 3). She has been brought up from the start to be quiet and gentle around the pets (she knows high noises hurt their ears, for example), and wouldn't think of touching them unless we were closely supervising.

You never know of course, but I'd be surprised if she ever forgot this ( of course I'm always vigilant regardless). It might have been harder for her to learn this if we hadn't had pets in the house since day one. (And to be fair we are lucky in that she is quite a calm person anyway, mostly, for a three year old!)

CaramelTiger · 28/02/2015 17:46

We got a dog just before DS was born. Got it puppy trained then DS was born. It isn't a one or the other choice...

Or have DC and get it in a few years. I think you'd regret not having children more than not having a dog.

StarCrash · 28/02/2015 17:47

I got the dog first. She's been brilliant and no trouble with my dd at all. If I didn't have her (and my horse...!!) I'd go mad. She's company, a reason to get out to the park every day with dd, my dd adores her, we are out and about rain or shine. You don't know how long it will take you to have a successful pregnancy (speaking as someone who's had a mc) so you dog will likely be 9 months minimum, more likely a year. Puppies are great practise for having children, and I personally think it's easier to have a baby and trained dog, than puppy and young child/baby. I know I couldn't wait for 5+ years for a dog. It depends if you really enjoy all that have g a dog intails though, would you be happy to go for a walk every single day with dog and baby?

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 28/02/2015 17:49

Baby first. Lots of people struggle with their pets when children come along, and if the dog isn't happy with it, you have a serious problem. Plus v young children and dogs are really not a good mix. Finish having kids and then wait until they're a good age for a dog - at least 5, I'd say. Then the dog grows up with them, which is nice, and also never learns to expect to be the centre of attention.

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 17:50

I don't want to say where I work but it's often in the top UK employers for women/working families. I'm very lucky, will never leave that place until I retire!

Thank you pilates. I had one as a child they're lovely! I always go up to dog walkers with schnauzers and talk to them, DH loves it

Lovelydiscusfish I was 3 when my parents got our first dog, I was a naughty brat and tried to pull his tail and stuff, but it didn't do him any harm really. He was a lovely dog.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 28/02/2015 17:54

I would worry more about the dog doing the toddler harm personally.

GreenPetal94 · 28/02/2015 17:57

my father bought my mum a puppy when she was sad from having a miscarriage. But of course then my sister came along and she had a puppy and a baby. It was fine, walking a dog and pushing a pram can be combined.

BreeVDKamp · 28/02/2015 18:02

Baby now, you can get a dog any old time!

BreeVDKamp · 28/02/2015 18:03

(But yes, you can do both at the same time, more time efficient that way!)

landrover · 28/02/2015 18:18

I have had a dog for the 25 years that i have been married (different dogs) and 2 children. hand on my heart I would say please reconsider the dog. The latest is now costing £200 a MONTH to insure, I bloody love him to bits, but our house is never clean, we have constant problems with our childs friends who are frightened of dogs, not wanting to visit! We can never go away at short notice, when school holidays we have to book at least 6 months in advance for boarding kennels (they aren't cheap either!) He is ten now, and we certainly wont be replacing him when he dies! And he has been the best, most wonderful dog that you can imagine! It is just soooo tieing xxxxxxx

CrabbyTheCrabster · 28/02/2015 18:44

I assumed your title was an either/or situation, in which case I'd say definitely dog rather than baby.

It seems, though, that you're asking which to have first, in which case...

Please have the baby first. Don't get a dog, love it, coddle it, treat it as a valuable member of the family and then relegate it to an entirely different position once you get pregnant and have a child. You may not think that you will do that, but often hormones take over and many people (not all, obviously) find that their feelings towards their treasured pet change when they have children. It's terribly confusing for the animal and creates a situation where the pet is likely to feel unsettled and resentful of the baby. I'd say have the child and then get a dog.

mutternutter · 28/02/2015 19:04

I had both but dog was at least four by the time I had first DC. Never had any problems

Davsmum · 28/02/2015 19:22

If you really want a baby, it should be no contest! I could understand a dilemma between 2 different pets but between baby and dog?? Really?

mildlyacquiescent · 28/02/2015 19:31

You sound bonkers. (I mean that kindly. I am groping back in my memory but suspect I might have posted something similar to this about ten years ago.) "Break my heart" indeed. How can maintaining the status quo be "heartbreaking"? If you have a baby, you're not exactly going to have a lot of time for mooning around- but of course, you can't possibly understand that yet. That sounds patronising, but you just don't get it yet.

I love dogs very much indeed but they cannot be compared with babies, really they cannot. You just will not love the dog as much as you do the baby. Sometimes you may even feel guilty about that, but it'll be true.

Anyway, your "dilemma" just doesn't make sense. If you have a baby, there is nothing to stop you getting a doggy when the child is old enough and sensible enough not to hurt her inadvertently, i.e. 5-7, depending on the child.

I agree with the poster who said dogs and children are a match made in heaven. Generally, this is true. Babies and dogs, not so much, unless the dog is very mature, gentle and calm by nature (not guaranteed with any breed, unfortunately- and I say that as a collie owner).

mildlyacquiescent · 28/02/2015 19:32

And what Crabby said.

WD41 · 28/02/2015 19:35

Seriously? There should be absolutely no contest between the two. So on that basis, you don't sound ready for a child and should definitely choose a dog. Or maybe a furby.

mildlyacquiescent · 28/02/2015 19:43

[:D] at furby.

nooka · 28/02/2015 19:56

Well I'd not get a miniature Schnauzer at any point, we have two in the family and they seem to me yappy and not very well behaved. Although very cuddly, which is nice. However I do prefer bigger dogs so am biased.

I'm guessing that your long term plans to have a dog have set up circumstances when a baby suddenly seems possible and you are finding yourself thinking about it. dh and I also suddenly went from children being a longer term possibility to a nice idea, to being pregnant a month later (and at a very similar age) so I can see how that might happen!

Taking on both a puppy and a baby at the same time is I agree a really bad idea. I would either get the pup now and then start trying for a baby a year or so later so that the dog is grown up and well trained before a baby arrives (and more importantly before the baby starts crawling around) or wait until your youngest child is at least five before getting a dog.

Mumteadumpty · 28/02/2015 19:59

Have the baby first. My dog couldn't cope with my child when he became an active toddler, so she had to go to live with my parents.

tinymeteor · 28/02/2015 20:12

We got a dog and then shortly after had a baby. It's knackering. But our idea of a family included a dog so it's working for us. You have to be bloody militant about training though.

Nightowlagain · 28/02/2015 20:16

Ok maybe I phrased that wrong about empathy not developing until age 5-7, what I meant was when they are old enough to understand what will upset a dog, and how to treat it. How to judge when a dog is getting to the end of it's tether. I would never be comfortable leaving a pre schooler alone with any dog, so I wouldn't want one in the house personally. The stress of always having to have that in mind with a baby and/or toddler to deal with just wouldn't be something I could be bothered with!

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 28/02/2015 20:18

If you really can't decide which you would prefer you would probably be better getting a dog.

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