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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be torn between a dog or baby?!

110 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/02/2015 15:57

DH and I have been planning to get a dog for as long as I can remember - I've been desperate for one since my childhood dog died 10 years ago.

We finally have our own house with a decent garden and are making plans to get one in the summer when we'll both take several weeks off work between us to train / settle the puppy.

However in recent weeks I've felt my biological clock starting to tick (I'm 27, have been married for a year - DH is a couple of years older). We both have good, stable jobs. I'm lucky to be in an excellent public sector job which is family friendly and offers 6 months full pay maternity leave as well as generous annual leave entitlements My parents are a young late 50's and my mum is looking to retire in the next year, and has already offered to have any future grandchild 2 days a week and DH's mum has also offered 1 day so we would be in a good position child care wise, as we would both likely go back to work full time.

I feel like it's an absolute choice between one or the other though! If I fell pregnant now (we're not ttc) we would have to kiss the canine dreams goodbye, which would break my heart. Taking on both just seems like too much work!

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2015 20:54

A relative of ours had schnauzers - yappy, irritating little things they were...

But that aside, as others have pointed out, you can't be that bothered about having a baby if you are struggling to decide between a child or a pet.

They aren't really the same you know...

honeyroar · 28/02/2015 21:22

If you really think that you even have to decide between them (I cannot get my head round why people give up animals when they have a baby), then don't get a dog at all. Dogs should be part of the family. They do make mess, they do take work. So do children! They both take commitment. They can be easily worked together, but lots of people can't cope and their previously beloved dogs end up dumped in a rescue (if they're lucky). Both our dogs were given to us because their owners were having a baby.

MothershipG · 28/02/2015 21:25

In defence of mini schnauzers; mine isn't yappy or irritating, but when she was a puppy she was horribly nippy and took a while to get past that. She's nearly 9 now and still excitable and bouncy, but very sweet.

DevonFolk · 28/02/2015 21:33

I did dog then baby. My lab was 5 when DD was born and I felt it was perfect. He wasn't neglected, he's amazing with DD and she has grown up with a very healthy respect for animals.

The only downside is that she'll be somewhere in the region of 7-9 when he leaves us which will be incredibly painful for her :(

DevonFolk · 28/02/2015 21:35

Oh and if you were to do baby then dog you'd have to wait at least 7 years I'd say. Having a small child and a puppy is very hard work, especially if you decide to have another DC within 2-3 years of the first.

Cunderthunt · 28/02/2015 21:37

Baby first, dog later. 100%. Exact same sinario happened to someone I know & they went ahead and got a puppy. Just made life more difficult when the baby arrived!

Anomaly · 28/02/2015 21:58

As breeds go I doubt that a miniature schnauzer is the best around little kids, bouncy, yappy and nippy so I think you'd be waiting a good few years before getting a dog if you have the baby first. They're also known to be wary of strangers so they might be great with your kids but nip their friends.

bubalou · 28/02/2015 22:24

It's not fair to get a dog if you intend to go back full time.

Baby and then dog in future.

We had a 4 year old dog and went and got a puppy for him for company. 3 days after we picked her up we found out I was pregnant. We were ttc but I had just come off the pill after being on for 10+ years so we assumed it would take us a while to conceive.

The dogs loved him and we did all the right introductions and they never even looked at him the right way.

However - I work from home. If I'd have known what hard work the dogs were I would have waited until getting them!

stolemyusername · 28/02/2015 22:34

I would have the baby first and introduce the dog as a family pet later on. We had a pup just before I found out I was having dd2, the poor thing was so jealous after she was born that it really started misbehaving, chewing the walls, ruined the table, the carpet, dug up the garden (after being so well behaved previously), the final straw was when it growled at the baby when she was lying on the baby mat - he went to live with relatives with adult children then.

Keletubbie · 28/02/2015 22:53

Dogs are great. I was 31 when I got ours, and I really can't understand why I waited so long. She's in bed with me now, snoring away.

If you're fearing the puppy stage, have you considered an older dog? We went to look at a puppy... and my 6 yr old DD decided she'd rather have a 6 yr old dog.

resipsa · 28/02/2015 23:02

We had a 9 year old dog when DD arrived. I found the dog (Max - now sadly departed) no hassle when on mat leave and, in fact, it was a good reason to have to go out for walks twice a day. But he was a great, great dog...

fluffymouse · 01/03/2015 00:50

We got our dog just before dd turned 3. I think those saying wait 7 years are being rather excessive. Despite the mumsnet histeria it is possible to have both young children and dogs together.

I would only take on a dog for whom you know the full history with a young child however, and carefully consider what breed.

sykadelic · 01/03/2015 01:42

Animals are really good for kids to lower their risk of pet allergies: healthland.time.com/2011/06/13/study-living-with-pets-may-protect-infants-from-allergies/

I definitely think dog and then baby. I wouldn't get a cat before having a baby though because of the toxoplasmosis and smother risk (but then I prefer dogs to cats anyway).

Dogs can be trained in the time you will be pregnant. The baby will grow up with a companion.

My DH and I have 2 dogs. I know it will be an adjustment for my fur-children but I also know the joy I had having a dog as a kid and want the same for my human kids. My dogs, good health permitting, will be around another 10 years. If we have a kid this year that child will have their formative years with loving adorable dogs. It will be great, difficult at times I'm sure, but great :)

fizzycolagurlie · 01/03/2015 01:46

Dogs are not good practice for babies. A friend of mine had an out of control dog when the baby arrived and had to rehouse it asap.

Baby first, dog later.

But before anything, discuss with Husband.

fluffymouse · 01/03/2015 02:28

fizzy out of control dogs are not good practice with babies, or in general. Why was the dog not trained?

A well behaved dog is fine with children. They lower the risk of all allergies in fact, and I believe children benefit a lot from a relationship with them.

differentnameforthis · 01/03/2015 03:03

We had a three yr old, got a dog, then a couple of years later had another baby. The dog is amazing with both children & they are amazing with him. He got lots of attention when baby came home, and the two of them are best friends.

I took the time to look for information as to how best introduce baby & I can honestly say we had no issues with baby/toddler/dog! When baby was tiny & she cried, he would come to me & nudge me, as if I couldn't hear her cry, the go wait outside the gate for me to get her. He slept outside her room at night. He would lie next to her on the floor when she had tummy time & goes everywhere she does.

They have a healthy respect for each other & we have taught both our children to respect him. We live in Oz & our dog doesn't do well in the heat now, and he has 2 places where he hides to get cool. Both girls know that he is totally off limits when in those two places.

We don't have to be worried about friends coming & being scared of him. We warn he can be very playful (even at almost 10) and we teach them to get him to sit/stop/leave so they are confident that he is controllable. Not one of the kids visiting us has ever been scared of him, because we always take the time to introduce them & teach them to control him. That said, he is always outside, so he gets introduced slowly.

It is more than possible to have a dog & a baby, you just have to do your homework & never forget that animals are unpredictable & also deserve respect!

Ericaequites · 01/03/2015 04:04

I am nine years younger than my siblings, who are fifteen months apart. I was born in July, but my impending arrival was announced Christmas morning. My brother and sister said they'd rather have a puppy. Get the puppy shortly after the baby is born. Children and dogs need to respect each other, but both learn best when young.

fizzycolagurlie · 01/03/2015 04:54

Apparently the dog was fine, delightful in fact until the baby arrived. Go figure, the unpredictability of animals....

Chottie · 01/03/2015 05:01

If you are dithering between a dog and a baby.

Please, please, please just get a dog or two or three.........

Annabannbobanna · 01/03/2015 05:02

Do both, it is so lovely to have children and dogs growing up together.

nooka · 01/03/2015 05:14

I would suspect that a dog who was 'out of control' after a baby arrived was previously badly trained but the bad behaviour was tolerated/encouraged when it was the centre of attention and didn't matter very much (especially likely if it was a small dog). Then with little time, energy or tolerance very different expectations were put on it that of course it didn't know how to meet.

LaChatte · 01/03/2015 08:40

I've done both.

DDog1 was 4 by the time DC1 was born, he was well trained and a really lovely dog, but he did change when DC1 was borne in that he sufpddenly became very very aggressive with other dogs (never a problem with people though). He was sadly PTS when I was pregnant with DC2 7 years later, and we didn't have any pets when DC2 was born.
Then got DDog2 instead of having a 3rd DC when DD was almost 4 (we both worki FT by the way) and its been great. DDog 2 is obedient, friendly with everyone and everything and generally a wonderful pet.

I had far more time for DDog 1 and I'm not sure it was such a good thing, with DDog 2 he just sort of fits in and gets on with life rather than being the center of attention as was DDog1.

For those of you saying that if he op doesn't know the difference between having a puppy and having a baby, give her a break, I don't think anyone fully realises how daft comparing the two seems until you're a parent yourself!

LaChatte · 01/03/2015 08:41

Sorry not very clear there, DDog1 was PTS because he was old and suffering, not for behavioural reasons!

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 01/03/2015 09:22

differentnameforthis what breed of dog do you have? He sounds incredible.

OP posts:

CrabbyTheCrabster · 01/03/2015 09:28

Um... I have a child and a dog and it doesn't seem like such a ridiculous comparison to me... I love them both fiercely, they both drive me up the wall at times and give me great joy at other times, they are both a tie and the central consideration when it comes to planning our time and activities.

The love I have for DD is more rounded and complex because she is a more complex being than the dog, but the love I have for the dog is of the same nature as the love I have for my family and friends (and I love the dog a lot more than most people ).

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