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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not pay an au pair other than room and board?

133 replies

smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:13

now that I've got your attention, I'm not mean, I just want to know if it's legally possible?

Have a friend in desperate need of accommodation. Due to our deeds I cannot have a lodger but I can have an au pair.

I really want to help but I can't afford to PAY to have them stay. Can we do a straight childcare/home help for accommodation swap without any money involved?

Thanks

OP posts:
countessmarkyabitch · 28/02/2015 14:15

You can have a friend live with you who helps you with your children. It's not a job of any kind and its no-ones business but your own.

DoJo · 28/02/2015 14:17

I don't see why not - does she even have to be an au pair so much as a friend who looks after your kids in exchange for your kindness at putting her up?

ChipDip · 28/02/2015 14:17

It's seems like a mutually beneficial arrangement so don't see why not.

Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:18

It is the freeholders business. Please no "how will they know?" comments - I want to help but I want it above board because this is my children's home and I don't want to get us in trouble with the freeholder. It also needs to be as above board as possible for my friend as they need a proper legal home/address in order to improve their situation and apply for whatever they need to apply for to get back to work/private rental etc.

I just want to know if she can officially be my au pair if I don't pay her and we just swap accomodation for help.

It would be better for all involved if she could actually be our paying lodger but we can't offer that due to our deeds.

OP posts:
catsandstuff · 28/02/2015 14:19

why employ her at all? just have her stay and in exchange she looks after your kids Confused

Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:20

Yes DoJo, she needs an official arrangement as she is applying for stuff to improve her situation. The more official it is the better. Also we need to be able to justify to our freeholder that we are living as a "single family unit" which can include an au pair but not a lodger.

OP posts:
Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:21

Thank you for taking the time to reply, but really I don't need "give it a go" comments, I need hear from people who actually know about the legalities of au pair arrangements

OP posts:
ChipDip · 28/02/2015 14:22

Wow you are rude!

Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:24

Well its very easy to say through a keyboard that you "don't see why not" and "give it a go, who will know" etc.. its quite different when it is your childrens home and you actually need to know if this will backfire all round. I really do just need to know legalities not whether you think I should give it a go or not

OP posts:
catsandstuff · 28/02/2015 14:25

It seems to me that you overcomplicating it...but what do I know! Hmm

countessmarkyabitch · 28/02/2015 14:25

If you want the legalities of au pair arrangements you should have posted in legal. Or asked a lawyer.
This is aibu, and you are bu.

ilovesooty · 28/02/2015 14:25

How has the OP been rude?

catsandstuff · 28/02/2015 14:25

*you are

EatShitDerek · 28/02/2015 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 28/02/2015 14:26

Take a look at this link, OP www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs

Suggests they need to be paid pocket money, so don't think she could be classed as an Au Pair

lurkerspeaks · 28/02/2015 14:26

I'm not sure why you are getting to antsy.

You are going to have a friend to stay with you. They will not pay rent therefore they are not a lodger.

My brother moved in with me - all I did was inform the council tax office that I was no longer eligible for single person's discount.

Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:27

Being a parenting forum I just thought there might be quite a few people who actually know about the ins and outs of having au pairs. I've googled but it's not specifically answered my question.

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 28/02/2015 14:28

OP has not been rude, Chipdip. She said Thank you but made it clear that she needs advice, not simply encouragement.

Original poster
smellysocksandchickenpox · 28/02/2015 14:29

:-( Koalafications that does suggest we can't do it
I really want to help, she needs a home/official address but we must be a "single family unit" and I can't put our home at risk :-( shit situation

OP posts:
countessmarkyabitch · 28/02/2015 14:29

Where is your friend from, how old is she , etc etc? Is she even eligable to be classed as an au pair?
The UK doesn't have an official au pair scheme anymore. Have you read the European Article on Au Pair Placement?
Have you even tried google?

catsandstuff · 28/02/2015 14:29

Is a lodger not someone who pays rent in exchange for a room? If no money is changing hands then I genuinely can't see why the freeholder would have an issue!

Koalafications · 28/02/2015 14:30

www.bapaa.org.uk/ The British Au Pair Agencies maybe able to help, they have a 'contact us' page.

InfinitySeven · 28/02/2015 14:30

My understanding of a pair employment law is that this would not be legal.

DoJo · 28/02/2015 14:31

This might help clarify the situation, but if your friend is a UK national then it doesn't look like she will qualify for 'most' of those criteria as specified as possibly as few as three of those points would apply.

www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs

How long does she need to stay with you and what kind of thing is she applying for? Could you move her in as your lover? Being genuinely serious here - if you need to live as a 'family unit' then could she effectively take on the role of SAHM as far as your freeholder is concerned, or could that impact on your situation wrt benefits as a single person?

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 28/02/2015 14:33

I was going to say 'how will they know' but I won't as don't want to be unhelpful. I assume that you live in a flat where the freeholder actually notices what you are up to.

But one thing to watch for would be if your friend is claiming any benefits that would require her to be available for work, which she may not be if she is looking after your children.

Some info on au pairs here.

I know absolutely nothing about the subject, but I don't know if an au pair needs to be foreign or can he/she be British?

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about someone else who wanted a free au pair, but not necessarily by mutual agreement.

Seems a bit unfair that you can't have a lodger. I'd read the deed condition and see if I could find a way round it. What if your sister/cousin/friend wanted to live with you as part of your household? I suppose the legalilties would be a bit wooly but finances and shared meals/housework/activities would be looked at?