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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for thinking my friend is BU to enforce strict routine on 3 week old?

174 replies

SandysMam · 26/02/2015 21:25

I have a friend who has a 3 week old DS. She is insistent that her DS follow a well known authors strict routine aimed at contentment and is getting frustrated that he won't play ball and sometimes cries and wakes her up at night!! He's 3 weeks old FFS, AIBU that she boils my piss and I feel sorry for her DS??

OP posts:

HollyAndIvyTime · 27/02/2015 18:47

Hi agree with whoever mentioned Babycalm by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Super book. Maybe you could be supportive and offer that as a gentle alternative to GF?

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:49

I didn't understand it at all as it didn't make any sense and isn't actually what this thread is about is it!

This thread is about leaving babies to cry!

What part of that don't you understand.

BathtimeFunkster · 27/02/2015 18:50

A small defenseless person being left to cry when hungry or in need of comfort

I'm pretty sure you just made that up.

It's not in the OP.

It's not in the book this woman is trying to follow.

It's an invention based on your own prejudice.

And as for damage caused by "chronically raised cortisol levels", people who link those studies every time they hear that someone is not feeding on demand or has attempted gentle sleep training are just sadists as far as I can see.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 27/02/2015 18:52

She said the woman "got frustrated" that the baby is still crying in the night.

There was no mention it was left crying and being "emotionally abused"

Youorns · 27/02/2015 18:52

have you actually read GF DamnBamboo? Thinking probably not.....

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:54

It's an invention based on your own prejudice

What on earth are you talking about. It's a statement about what I find to be unnacceptable behaviour as far as 'training' babies is concerned.
And go back and read the thread and see how many people implemented routines and stuck with them regardless, including waiting it out with their crying infants.

I don't think it's sadistic to point out that an adult, a caregiver leaving their baby to cry to suit a completely pointless routine is cruel. It's also selfish, lazy parenting.

Youorns · 27/02/2015 18:56

As I guessed, you haven't read the book. In no part of the book does she say leave a baby to cry. You're just another one of these people who believes everything you hear in Costa coffee.

And I think you'll find most of the thread is about GF

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:57

She is insistent that her DS follow a well known authors strict routine aimed at contentment

The OP, where apparently the mother is insistent about the routine. That implies she's implementing it, which mean baby will be left to cry.

I have read parts of the book that shall not be named, yes. And if you ready carefully, I haven't actually slated that author or her work directly, just the practice of leaving babies to cry it out - which is not just reserved for those who read the book you refer to.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:57

Where have I slated GF? Please tell me where

Youorns · 27/02/2015 19:05

But as many people have said, it's a feeding and sleeping routine. Gina Ford doesn't say leave your baby to cry. That's a choice that the OPs friend is making. So by all means slate the OP but not the routine or Gina Ford.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 19:06

So by all means slate the OP but not the routine or Gina Ford

FFS, I haven't!! I have said this repeatedly. I have not once mentioned GF. Not once.

Youorns · 27/02/2015 19:07

Is insistent about the routine. That implies she's implementing it, which mean baby will be left to cry.

Erm, pretty sure that's where you imply the routine is to blame, which comes from Gina Ford. Hope that clears things up for you.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 19:11

A routine which is wholly unsuitable for a 3 week old!

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 19:12

Erm, pretty sure that's where you imply the routine is to blame, which comes from Gina Ford. Hope that clears things up for you

You aren't very bright are you !

SinglePringle · 27/02/2015 19:14

Right from the off I am going to state that I don't have children.

However.

My neighbours left their 8 week old to cry. It would wake me every night. And I would be desperate for them to go to their baby. The cry destroyed me. Not in a 'ffs, stop that baby crying' sense but in a 'your baby's cry is heart wrenching - it's become alarming and it sounds like he feels abandoned'.

I'd sit in bed willing them to Go To Your Baby. He is beside himself.

I hated the fact I couldn't go and pick him up.

However. What the Jeff do I know?!

Because it lasted about a week and I rarely hear him now.

Plus - and most importantly - he's a gorgeous, confident, hilarious, loved and engaged toddler now.

Don't judge, would be my non-expert advice.

BathtimeFunkster · 27/02/2015 19:20

The bit about the baby being left to cry at night is made up.

I was frustrated by being woken up at night by my first baby.

I was frustrated by constantly having to get up to feed and change nappies, walk around rocking and singing.

I hated every minute of it.

I didn't care that it was normal and expected, I just wanted some rest.

My baby wasn't left to cry.

Being frustrated at being woken at night doesn't imply that you leave you baby to cry.

In fact, if you're leaving the baby to cry and ignoring it all night, why would you even care?

Youorns · 27/02/2015 19:22

Sorry DamnBamboo, I won't resort to personal insults, that's what I'd expect of the students I teach. I am off to spend the evening with my wife now my daughter is asleep.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 19:24

Hope that clears things up for you

Of course, no personal insults at all

squizita · 27/02/2015 19:43

Singlepringle they may have gone to the baby. Mine will sometimes cry for me (so dh changing and feeding her won't do- as a result I can't have much any time off), or because she has a cold or just because. Especially when she was tiny. We'd hold, comfort and feed her and she still cried.
I'm quite "attachment" in my habits but on a bad night, through a wall, no one would know.

A few months on and bar "favourite" parent (daddy in the day/play times, mummy at night/any nap time) she's the jolliest little thing going.

SinglePringle · 27/02/2015 19:46

Nah. I can hear their bedroom door and on the couple of times one occasion I did stomp across my bedroom floor (they're in the flat beneath me) at 4am, they knew I was awake and I heard them go to him.

squizita · 27/02/2015 19:50

...but evidently as she was grumpy when new born, she'll be thick as anything thanks to that cortisol.
What is the guilt trip one puts an attachment parent with a cry-y newborn under? Just to help new judgy pants people out... She wasn't tongue tied, allergic and she didn't need osteopathy. .. it was just mucus after a fast birth. Because my hippy hypnotherapy over suppressed my adrenaline and she shot out in a few hours.

squizita · 27/02/2015 19:53

Ah Ok. (though maybe the doors were open?).

Doesn't sound like it's done him any harm though.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/02/2015 19:55

Does she need her head read. With the best will in the world you can't have a routine with a new born baby. They set their own pattern. If she wants an evening to herself and the baby doesn't want to go to sleep. Tough shit

dashoflime · 27/02/2015 20:08

"All babies in NICU are on a 2 or 3 hour pattern regardless of what the parent wants. Does that boil your piss too?"

This ^ is a good point from earlier on in the thread. I didn't do Gina Ford but the one thing that stops me from writing her off completely is that DS was in SCBU for a week at birth and was fed and changed at strict 4 hourly intervals. I was given exact times- so I could come in and help. When I took him home- he was pre Gina Forded.

Granted, the routine didn't last once we started breastfeeding in earnest BUT, BUT, BUT....He liked the routine when he was on it. He was contented. None of the babies on the ward seemed distressed by the routine at all.

So it can't be total bollocks can it?

DixieNormas · 27/02/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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