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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for thinking my friend is BU to enforce strict routine on 3 week old?

174 replies

SandysMam · 26/02/2015 21:25

I have a friend who has a 3 week old DS. She is insistent that her DS follow a well known authors strict routine aimed at contentment and is getting frustrated that he won't play ball and sometimes cries and wakes her up at night!! He's 3 weeks old FFS, AIBU that she boils my piss and I feel sorry for her DS??

OP posts:
StarCrash · 27/02/2015 14:49

My baby never cried of hunger in the day, only when she woke at night. She had full feeds at regular intervals and therefore never cried due to hunger at all.

StarCrash · 27/02/2015 14:52

Yes you are correct, I am saying that GF has 'no idea' how tiring, etc etc it is. she does however have many years of child care experience, therefore knows a thing or two about routines. The OP (unless she has a massive drip feed) does not. Also, like I have already said, GF isn't slagging anyone, or their choices, off.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 27/02/2015 14:54

You will never convince me that GF's methods of rigid routine for babies is anything other than cruel, damaging, and detrimental to bf success. Ever.
That's my opinion, and if you have a different one then you're welcome to it.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 14:55

How anyone can leave a tiny baby to cry and force them to wait it out, I'll never know!

It's fucking cruel and abusive!

BathtimeFunkster · 27/02/2015 15:09

I think it's cruel and abusive to criticise totally non-damaging parenting methods used by women vulnerable to PND because it makes you feel like a big important expert mother.

Babies don't die of hunger if you can't get to them straight away and they have to cry for a while.

And they don't know that you are detained against your will.

I fed all mine on demand, but in a million years I would insinuate that all the mothers I've known who FF to a routine were cruel.

What kind of person are you to make that kind of ridiculous claim about another mother who is doing her best?

StarCrash · 27/02/2015 15:14

On that note wizard I'm going to leave this thread. Some of the statements being branded around here are more cruel and damaging than GF routines ever could be. How ridiculous on a board that is supposed to be offering support to parents. Sigh.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2015 15:18

Well said bath time. I do find that those who follow attachment parenting tend to be the most judgemental of parents against others choices.
I don't think it's cruel to teach a child to sleep, I think sleeping deeply is vital.

squizita · 27/02/2015 15:21

Bathtime hear hear.

I breastfeed on demand, wear my baby, she sleeps on me. I also have post natal anxiety and know how cutting a judgey comment online or irl can be.

But I know lots of perfectly happy ff, routine babies. They and their mums suit that lifestyle. I don't and my dd doesn't. That's all.

I've also seen what true neglect looks like (through work) and it's low to throw round that word "abuse" about a slightly different parenting style which is NOT abuse in the slightest. Angry

I've left several gentle parenting online groups because it's full if people who show NO kindness to other people. Just because they're gentle to their baby they think they're a saint when really they come across as off putting bullies.

Cliffdiver · 27/02/2015 15:31

YADNBU, her poor DS is probably desperate for love and comfort.

I actually find certain aspects of 'training' Hmm a baby abusive and neglectful.

Cliffdiver · 27/02/2015 15:33

Hadn't RTFT before posting and after a quick scroll up it seems I have X Posted with many others.

hoobypickypicky · 27/02/2015 15:54

"I don't have any kids myself so got no experience."
"reading these posts makes me think she might actually be showing signs of PND and that maybe is not as in control as she seems.."

Only on MN.

OP: "I don't like what my friend is doing"
MN "Mind your own business"
OP: "I've decided she's probably got a mental health problem because I don't like what she's doing".

Wait until you have children yourself and you've a slight idea of what you're talking about before you start judging.

Parents have followed a feed every 4 hours/don't pick the baby up the moment it cries etc Gina Ford style routine since forever. Do you have any idea how common it was in your parents and grandparents day? And look! We're still here and we're not raging psychopaths. Tip: Open your mouth less, your eyes more.

fatlazymummy · 27/02/2015 17:04

It was still completely normal when my eldest was born, 26 years ago.
People would have honestly thought you were insane if you did things like 'babywearing', or breastfeeding in a swimming pool, or some of the other techniques I've heard of on Mumsnet.
It was feed, change ,wind, cuddle (play when slightly older) ,then down for a nap. Repeat every 3-4 hours.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:00

non-damaging parenting methods

Bullshit!

There is a huge body of evidence showing that chronically increased levels of cortisol are damaging to brain development!

Don't talk crap.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 27/02/2015 18:02

The evidence with respect to cortisol?

TerryTheGreenHorse · 27/02/2015 18:03

www.nhs.uk/news/2012/09September/Pages/Controlled-crying-safe-for-babies.aspx

I mean I wouldn't sleep train a three week old, I fed in demand but there is a lot of scaremongering about.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:06

Go to the scientific literature!
There is a lot there.
And for every web page you bring up saying it's ok, I could find one that says it isn't.
Proves nothing!

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:10

Did you actually read the webpage you just posted?
Right to the bottom?

TerryTheGreenHorse · 27/02/2015 18:20

Look after your own baby is my advice, and don't be so quick to make ridiculous claims about abuse.

I think some people need to go on a placement with social services to get some perspective.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:23

A small defenseless person being left to cry when hungry or in need of comfort for no reason other than it's not on schedule IS emotionally abusive.

I fail to see how going on a placement with social services has anything to do with this. Just because worse things may be happening elsewhere, it doesn't mean that this isn't an issue.

Leaving a 3 week old to cry uneccessarily is bloody horrible

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2015 18:26

Apart from your last sentence, I disagree with you completely bamboo.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:28

Indeed, everybody is entitled to their own opinion!

CocobearSqueeze · 27/02/2015 18:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Youorns · 27/02/2015 18:38

I love these high and mighty people who bash Gina Ford and they've never even opened the front cover. If you actually read her book she has a routine for feeding, in no part of it does she say leave a baby to cry.

We followed Gina and every single person commented on how happy our baby was. We never left her to cry because she never cried - because she was never hungry. if she did cry, we fed her. Simple.

Btw, this is written by a dad.

DamnBamboo · 27/02/2015 18:44

We followed Gina and every single person commented on how happy our baby was. We never left her to cry because she never cried - because she was never hungry. if she did cry, we fed her. Simple

A baby that never cried or was never hungry.... right Hmm

Your gender is also irrelevant here.

Youorns · 27/02/2015 18:46

Figure of speech.

What part of 'if she did cry, we fed her' did you not understand?

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