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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for thinking my friend is BU to enforce strict routine on 3 week old?

174 replies

SandysMam · 26/02/2015 21:25

I have a friend who has a 3 week old DS. She is insistent that her DS follow a well known authors strict routine aimed at contentment and is getting frustrated that he won't play ball and sometimes cries and wakes her up at night!! He's 3 weeks old FFS, AIBU that she boils my piss and I feel sorry for her DS??

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 26/02/2015 22:05

A friend of mine did this. She was proudly telling me how her five week Dd woke in the night crying and she didn't go into her, just let her cry because the book said so. She said it was with gritted teeth and fingernails in palms. Her husband was getting all upset but she wouldn't let him go to her. I could never see her the same way after that.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/02/2015 22:05

let's hope she has a baby like ds who followed a strict routine. and not like dd who didn't

ds imposed his own routine, in fact at one stage I though there was something wrong with him feeding only every four hours.

I also though she who must not be named also did not recommend such strictness so early.

If she is desperate for a routine she could try one of the other routines available to see if that is more in tune with her baby.

Mumoftwinsandanother · 26/02/2015 22:06

YANBU. I feel uncomfortable just hearing about it.

weegiemum · 26/02/2015 22:07

Who has written the "Contended Huge Grumpy Teenager" book.

I'd buy that!

avocadotoast · 26/02/2015 22:08

Poor little bean. Babies can't read the guide books! They don't know what they're supposed to do.

But, unfortunately, if you value your friendship you'd be best keeping your nose out...

BertieBotts · 26/02/2015 22:10

It's a shame because of course she will get frustrated and feel like a failure when she has not failed at all - her baby just doesn't suit that routine.

I couldn't stand having a routine myself but perhaps you could suggest something a bit more in the middle - the Baby Whisperer EASY routine was massively popular among my NCT group and seemed to suit most babies. Some people do find having that kind of consistency/knowing what to expect at what time is a lifeline.

Thurlow · 26/02/2015 22:10

Meh. Some babies like a bit of routine.

Catsize · 26/02/2015 22:12

Yanbu but keep an eye on your friend as she will ultimately start to lose the plot if not careful. Big problem for health visitors this book.

ColdTeaAgain · 26/02/2015 22:26

YANBU. Poor baby too. She is completely deluded if she thinks newborns should sleep through. Some do naturally of course but you can't force it if yours is not one of those few! I will never understand how a mother can leave their newborn to cry and cry, it's just not right when they are that small.

Why anyone would follow this regime and make life more stressful for all involved is beyond me. Just listen to your baby, they are the only guide you need.

lertgush · 27/02/2015 02:32

Just listen to your baby, they are the only guide you need

I listened to my baby - turned out what she really wanted was a GF routine :-)

Rinkydinkypink · 27/02/2015 02:40

Yanbu. It will probably break her. Baby will be miserable Hmm

As a friend you can't interfere but you can help pick up the pieces.

BathtimeFunkster · 27/02/2015 02:43

YABU

She had her first baby 3 weeks ago.

I was a complete basketcase when my first child was only 3 weeks old.

"Frustrated" at being woken up at night didn't cover it. I thought I was never going to be able to sleep ever again.

All this trite bullshit about babies not reading books and if you just listen to them you will magically know what to do is the smuggery.

Your friend who just became a mother is struggling, and your response is to judge her for the mistakes she's making. Hmm

I'm so glad my friends came over, forcefed me wine and told me jokes. They were the longest few weeks of my life.

EstherCard · 27/02/2015 06:34

No, yanbu.
I have read the book and followed it a bit for ds1, now 4 years. That boy loved to sleep, if I hadn't kept a check on his daytime napping he'd have slept the day away. He was bottle fed so a feeding schedule helped me keep track of how much he'd had as I was paranoid about over feeding.
Having said that....
Ds2 11 months, is a crap sleeper and I haven't tried a routine as he's just too bloody stubborn. I'm pretty sure Gina Ford did not advocate leaving babies to scream in their cots and I do know she stated quite clearly that if baby is hungry then they need feeding. If they can't last the allotted three hours then they just can't.
I do remember being a hormonal emotional wreck both times at the three week mark with both. Still get a bit like that when ds2 wakes me up at 4am again and I wonder why he can't be more like his brother.
Can't remember where I was going with this post now, but got to go, ds2 has found the cats bowl again.

StarCrash · 27/02/2015 07:02

warning! tried and emotional mum is trying to do what's best for her and her brand new baby. She's following her instincts and choosing to use a well tried and tested routine, that has been successful to thousands of babies and parents. she wants her baby to be well fed, well rested and contented. She's choosing to follow advice from a book rather than a 'friend' who is more interested in starting a thread about her so that other parents can all jump in and say what a terrible mother she is and how her baby is better off with them as they know best. quick call the police. remove this child immediately.

StarCrash · 27/02/2015 07:04

I think you should tell her actually, as if I were her I would want to be able to tell you to fuck off to your face and then never speak to you again. You are what she doesn't need in her life, not that book.

BeeInYourBonnet · 27/02/2015 07:08

I tell you what I'd really appreciate if I was 3w post natal, a "friend" judging me and slagging me off for not doing things they way they do things. Give the woman a fecking break OP.

YABU.

P.s. YOU have boiled MY piss!

BeeInYourBonnet · 27/02/2015 07:08

Ha, xpost starcrash !

Aridane · 27/02/2015 07:14

All of this!

*StarCrash Fri 27-Feb-15 07:02:10

warning! tried and emotional mum is trying to do what's best for her and her brand new baby. She's following her instincts and choosing to use a well tried and tested routine, that has been successful to thousands of babies and parents. she wants her baby to be well fed, well rested and contented. She's choosing to follow advice from a book rather than a 'friend' who is more interested in starting a thread about her so that other parents can all jump in and say what a terrible mother she is and how her baby is better off with them as they know best. quick call the police. remove this child immediately.

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StarCrash Fri 27-Feb-15 07:04:22

I think you should tell her actually, as if I were her I would want to be able to tell you to fuck off to your face and then never speak to you again. You are what she doesn't need in her life, not that book.

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BeeInYourBonnet Fri 27-Feb-15 07:08:20

I tell you what I'd really appreciate if I was 3w post natal, a "friend" judging me and slagging me off for not doing things they way they do things. Give the woman a fecking break OP.

YABU.

P.s. YOU have boiled MY piss!*

Aridane · 27/02/2015 07:15

(bold fail)

DixieNormas · 27/02/2015 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarCrash · 27/02/2015 07:22

the op does not state anywhere that the mother leaves her baby at night to cry. If she does then she is not following the book as gf does not state anywhere that you should leave a 3wo baby to cry at night.

meglet · 27/02/2015 07:24

lert Grin . mine said the same thing.

Kittymum03 · 27/02/2015 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dietcokeandwine · 27/02/2015 07:36

YABU for judging-but if she's following the clb book she's doing it wrong.

I read that book cover to cover when I had ds1 - didn't follow it to the letter but it was a useful guide - and it quite clearly states that if a baby seems hungry before a feed is due then they should be offered a feed.

I suspect in her hormonal exhausted state she is being over extremist in her interpretation of the routine itself. If you really want to help her I would have a flick through the book yourself and point out the sentences that contradict what she is actually doing. As others have said she needs a bit of support and understanding from her friends, not a slagging off over the internet.

NancyRaygun · 27/02/2015 07:45

I would stage a She Who Must Not be Named Intervention: go round, with wine, take the book and burn it, then (although it's equally bullshit but it might make your friend feel she has a modicum of control) give her a copy of The Baby Whisperer.

She is nuts for even thinking of doing this for a three week old, but she needs what GF is offering. GF is like a New Mother crack dealer: babies fit into the schedule for one night a bit like 'first hit's free' then you are sucked in with the promise of and this is the reason for her bizarre success sleep, control and sleep. Did I mention: sleep.

You could also book her a hair appointment and take the baby from her for a bit, once she regroups she might even crack open the Dr Sears....

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