AIBU to think that my Dad is out of line and should back off on this?

[Marmiteandjamislush]

As background: It is Lent and we are very observant.

My Dad is here, as he is every day teaching the boys. I was setting the table for lunch and I put out a jug of water. DS2 (just 4) starts whinging that he doesn't want water, he wants juice. Now, to me he is just being a pain because we don't have juice with meals as a matter of course anyway, he has been very willful over the last few days anyway, because this is the first Lent that we have made him do 'properly' in that we have said no to anything sweet, fried or leaven at all and no red meat. I don't think this is a problem, his brother is just 6 and has done it from the same age. Anyway, so I serve the meal, veg broth and Matza. DS2 is still whining and refusing to eat, saying, 'I'm too thirsty, I'm too thirsty, Meenor!' His name for my Dad.

Dad then says to me 'How can you see your child suffer like this? I never denied you a drink as a child.'

I answered that I am not denying him anything, he is choosing not to drink the water and is only playing up to an audience.

A little later, [DS2still whining] I nip out to the loo, and come back to find DS2 has got a glass of squash!

AIBU to think that my Dad should have stuck to my rules in my own house?

FYI, kitchen has been cleaned for Lent, so he had to purposefully walk through to my office the garage to get the juice from the child inaccessible cupboard!

HJ

We do what I would think everyone else does, we get up. We eat (food prep takes a while), I WAHM, DH WOOH, my Dad teaches the boys, I visit and do charity in the community and local area, we go to my sisters in Manchester, DH family in Germany sometimes, I love craft, seeing friends, writing letters to friends overseas from uni, reading, cleaning, washing, all kinds of things.

Oh, my post sounded snarky. Sorry. I was just curious.

I'm not surprised many have never heard of us, we are a small group globally and quite private, many people in day to day life assume we are Jewish, so unless people ask, they wouldn't know.

NO. Breaking bad ends very badly for walt

Sorry Norland, I wouldn't mix flour and water at this time.

Pokey, your comment is not snarky at all. We are not artificially deprived of it, we are deprived of it. I love and and it is a long time to go without either or both.

I don't think that your going to get useful answers here. You've presented your predicament as a faith based one and then asked a bunch of folks who are unlikely to share your faith. For what it's worth, from my own non-Christian childhood, my bunch used to put honouring ones father miles above avoiding the right stuff at Passover.

Sorry, another one. Do you home ed because of your religion?

NO. Breaking bad ends very badly for walt

Oh bleeding hell, adsy. Spoilers?

Boofy the idea of honouring one's mother and father isn't generally interpreted as doing everything they say or allowing them to think they are always right.

I was taught that one honours one's mother and father by living an honourable life.

Which I get the impression the OP is doing.

OP thank you for answering my very nosy question. Back to the original question I can't decide what takes precedence.

You have every right to raise your children in the way you see fit (as long as it is not abusive - and IMO this is not abuse ) and they should honour you, their Mother and do as wish, however, you should also honour your Father as he thinks that he raised you OK, but in a less strict way than you are raising yours so in a way you are saying that his parenting of you was too lax and you are going to be more strict with your children, but on the other hand his beliefs and knowledge are good enough that he HEs the children. So I'm really on the fence here.

Normally I would say your house, your rules so Grandad was wrong, but the religious/respect and the HE confuse the issue for me.

I think I am going to conclude that you are not unreasonable because your Dad was deceitful and waited until your back was turned, he should have discussed this with you adult to adult out of the children's hearing.

Sorry. No they all end up in the cayman islands and the baby actually gets to remove her hat!

1. You are doing this all wrong. Your kids are way too young to be doing the harshest version of the restrictions. My parents did 3 day long religious fasts. They often did the last 24 hours without water. We were allowed water and our fasts ended at 6pm.

1. You are setting your kids up for life long problems with food (ask me how I know)

1. Your religion sounds terrible. Like taking the worst parts of christianity and judaism and mashing them together.

OP, I can't cut and paste on my Kindle - bear with me while I try and learn. It was the bit about Christians, Jews and the law, and Jesus dying.

Fwiw, I was taught, if memory serves, that 'going without' was for personal growth towards God. I think

lime, you might think about moderating your tone a little.

Oh I thought you meant me there for a moment.

Marmiteandjamislush

Well, rather than banging on about bread, I'll return to your original point. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your parents to grant you freedom in your house as to how you bring up your children; however, grandparents tend to be easier-going on their grandchildren, as opposed to the parents of said grandchildren (in my experience anyway) and this can sometimes cause resentment, along the lines of '..you were never this hard on me as a kid..'

You have a conundrum with your religion however and I suspect you've not read Matthew15 of late.

An extract is:

'15:1 Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said,
2 'Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat'
3 He answered them 'And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?'
4 For God commanded, ‘Honour your father and your mother’ and ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die....'

As I see it, your conundrum is in the reported words of Jesus, where you have now reviled your father. Christians tend to get hung up on the New Testament - of which the book of Matthew is a part - and the Torah (law), is the first five books of the Old Testament (in fact the three Abramaic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam all share Genesis, Exodus, Levititcus, Deuteronomy and Numbers in their respective 'holy books') so if you're following the Pentateuch as your prime code of life, whilst ignoring the New Testament, perhaps you're not 'reviling your father'

Most viewpoints tend towards thinking that the Book of Matthew was written by a Jewish lawyer though, so you could be in breach of what Jesus allegedly said you should do.

" the idea of honouring one's mother and father isn't generally interpreted as doing everything they say or allowing them to think they are always right."

As my dear old mother used to take great pleasure in reminding me the mitzvah doesn't depend of the worthiness of the parent; the requirement is simply to honour. ;-)

I can't see what harm a child will come to giving that up, there's plenty left to eat. I think your dad was cheeky, and it narks me when my mum does it. But I also love how involved she is with the DC and the relationship they have. I'd probably speak to him kindly in private about it

You'd think that god would have rather more important things in the world to be going on with than a small child having a glass of squash wouldn't you?

Linerunner, no!

Petit from what you've briefly described, it sounds as though you had a very difficult and unhappy upbringing. I'm sorry for that. It's a sad state of affairs to end up thinking one's parents were lunatics. Perhaps yours were, but I hope you can see that the OP probably isn't.

There's been no prosthyletising, no defensive stance, no indication that the children won't be loved or cared for if they don't conform. OP herself has said that the children will choose their own way. She has stated that they do interact outside their religious community and are choosing to allow their children to learn and understand others' points of view. She has talked about how she and her husband compromise. In fact, she has a differing point iof view from her own father but the relationship still exists in a way that is close.

You say we are lucky to be unable to imagine what the children are going through. Perhaps, yes, but so are you. It is clear that your upbringing has harmed you to the point where you, also, cannot imagine the possibility that children can be reared in a religious, simple, strict lifestyle and come away unscathed.

It is possible. It happens frequently. I'm sorry it didn't happen for you and hope you can find a way to direct your anger toward those who deserve it, or better yet, find a way to work through the anger and enjoy a more peaceful life.

I wish you could offer the OP an apology. I wish you all the best.

What are WAHM and WOOH?

So your children don't go to school but are taught at home?

Work at home Mum and Works out of Home. The children are HE, but that's because DH disliked school and not being allowed to learn for the sake of learning, not for religious reasons.

To the Op - if your vegetable broth is anything like mine its a meal in a bowl and something my very young grandchildren love, they call it nanas lettuce soup.

It has a leeks, celery, onions, carrots, spinach, brocoli, chopped up brussel sprouts, potato, sometimes swede, and either soup mix, lentils, barley, or rice, and stock. Its stand your spoon up in it kid of stuff.

I expect yours in much the same

Jesus would've given him squash. And a deep fried mars bar.
yabu.