AIBU to think that my Dad is out of line and should back off on this?

[Marmiteandjamislush]

As background: It is Lent and we are very observant.

My Dad is here, as he is every day teaching the boys. I was setting the table for lunch and I put out a jug of water. DS2 (just 4) starts whinging that he doesn't want water, he wants juice. Now, to me he is just being a pain because we don't have juice with meals as a matter of course anyway, he has been very willful over the last few days anyway, because this is the first Lent that we have made him do 'properly' in that we have said no to anything sweet, fried or leaven at all and no red meat. I don't think this is a problem, his brother is just 6 and has done it from the same age. Anyway, so I serve the meal, veg broth and Matza. DS2 is still whining and refusing to eat, saying, 'I'm too thirsty, I'm too thirsty, Meenor!' His name for my Dad.

Dad then says to me 'How can you see your child suffer like this? I never denied you a drink as a child.'

I answered that I am not denying him anything, he is choosing not to drink the water and is only playing up to an audience.

A little later, [DS2still whining] I nip out to the loo, and come back to find DS2 has got a glass of squash!

AIBU to think that my Dad should have stuck to my rules in my own house?

FYI, kitchen has been cleaned for Lent, so he had to purposefully walk through to my office the garage to get the juice from the child inaccessible cupboard!

Marmite, you sound like a lovely person, but I think it also sounds a bit odd how your DH seems to decide everything, and imposes (in my opinion) unreasonable restrictions on the family, such as him "getting nervous" about you sewing on a Sunday. And your sons missing out on social life at school because your DH disliked it.

It does sound similar, Wee.

Not many Scottish chip shops in Galilee, pictish

I can see why you might think that Marianne, but he doesn't impose on me, he gives his view and I give mine, sometimes his takes precedence, sometimes mine, like all marriages.

Yes, I don't know why people are throwing up their hands in horror at the idea of giving children soup.

My idea of veg broth is quite like yours, Weebirdie, and is certainly not un-nourishing or lightweight.

Haribo then. He'd be handing out the Haribo and saying "really...there's no need for all this mad Lent bollocks on my account...fill yer boots wee man!"
He would.

Weebirdie after that description, I really REALLY fancy some of your soup.

Marmite- while you're answering questions, what are your views on disciplining children?

Twinkle please don't patronise me.

G-d, people are thick. Ignore the stupid responses here Marmite. Something different and they can't cope.

Are you JFJ or similar?

I don't think you are doing anything abusive or wrong and your Dad was wrong and you're going to have to talk to him about it.

DS won't be getting anything leavened for a week in Passover. He's three. He'll be fine. There are loads of alternative carbs and if you said you'd decided to cut out biscuits etc for health reasons no one would bat an eye.

Why does this thread put me in mind of the Pharisees going all "what about this" on Jesus's ass in the hope of catching him out?

What do you mean Hak? No physical punishment if that's what you mean. Then you'll quote 'whoever spares the rod[..] and lots of Torah at me. However, I will say this, where does it say the rod must be a physical rod? A raised eyebrow and disappointment are the best 'rods' ever given, the child then beats himself, until he feels forgiveness.

It is vv. similar to JFJ, but less strict on 'ethnicity' for full membership.

To the ladies who fancied my soup

Sweat some leeks and celery off in your soup pot with little bit of oil or butter.

Add your rinsed pulses of choice and stir it around for a bit.

Add your stock and simmer it away for a good hour or so on a low heat till it has lost its raw look and looks cooked.

Add your veggies one by one according to what will take the longest to cook and just let is simmer away nicely till it all the veggies make friends with each other and they look like a family, not strangers who just got flung in a pot together.

For me the secret is in longish slow cooking and I often make it the day before we want to eat it.

Serve with what you fancy, garlic bread is really nice with it, and sometimes my grandchildren have it spooned over cooked rice.

Petit it wasn't meant to be patronising. I'm sorry it came off that way.

It was meant to be an attempt at understanding your point of view and to point out the obvious--we all have different points of view. Also an attempt to defend the OP, who has taken piles of shit with equanimity.

Would you have been happier if I had called you names or something?

I don't think there's anything patronising about extending an olive branch of sorts, but I'm not you.

What is JFJ?

IN that case then Marmite, when god was dictating the bible you'd think he'd go "Do you know what? We'd better make it 'Spare the rod (the rod in this sense being a metaphorical rod in the form of disappointed stares rather than real, roddy rods)' in case people are reading this stuff for YEARS and thinking I mean them to hit their children! Lol!"

You know what with him being omni-everything and all that

Jesus never said people should follow lent, eat pancakes, mark Whitsun and advent but many churches follow what is the traditional church year. This marks out different points in Jesus' life over the course of the year. As Christians we are called to follow Jesus and we try to be 'like him'. By following the church year it gives you a chance to reflect on various aspects of his ministry and how this should impact on us.

Christians recognise that Jesus is Jewish and practised as one but we believe Jesus is the fulfilment of Gods law whereas Jews don't.

I know you said you can usually judge a thread by its title so know what to avoid-whatever you do don't open the wedding thread to trump all wedding threads...ever!!

And in answer to your AIBU, no not at all, REALLY annoying when anyone, friend or family undermine your parenting rules in front of the kids.

Your father shouldn't be undermining you. I don't think you can just tell hiom to "back off" though, he has an important role and it sounds as if he was quite upset. You and your DH need to discuss things properly with him so you can all present a united front to the children. That may mean compromising and being a bit less strict than you would otherwise; but equally your father may need to accept some rules he doesn't like. And your father will surely understand the importance of "honour thy father and thy mother"! Given the special position he holds in your family he needs to show respect for you as a parent so your children will share it. It's storing trouble for later if he gets round your rules or flouts your rules in front of the children instead of waiting and discussing the rules with you and your husband in private. The way that adults who respect each other do.

I'm an atheist (from a non-observant Jewish family) and I think you're a good Mum too. And for those of you who've never eaten clear soup with matzah you don't know what you're missing! In my grandmother's house it would be chicken soup but hey, it's a treat! The joy of crumbling matzah into the soup.... No amount of sugar beats that. (Sorry if that spoils the Lenten feeling marmite )

I don't understand you Near. All the things we follow as practice eg food, are not open to interpretation ie, pork is still pork, it doesn't say, don't eat pork ect, because it will make you ill. It just says don't eat pork ect. It says discipline your children, it does not say, anywhere, this must only be done by physical beatings with a stick, therefore interpretation is allowed. Anyway, I have to go, as I need to feed, bathe and put to bed, my poor, abused children and then go and sit with my imposing husband.

No seriously, thanks for replying on my thread, it's been interesting.

JFJ = Jews For Jesus, Wee.

WeeBirdie - garlic bread. Wouldn't that be a forbidden thing in this scenario? Bread = yeast = leavened?

I was raised a Catholic (unfortunately) and have never heard of any of the restrictions placed on a Christian's diet before this thread.

A real eye-opener.

Why the use of the word "rod" then?!

Who the hell reads "rod" and thinks "Oh, that must mean a disappointed look"?!