To think a 'cheap' wedding is just fine?

[Noseyvalentine]

First of all, apologies, this board seems full of wedding woe at the moment. Dp and I recently got engaged and have been looking at options for our wedding. I don't particuarly want a long engagement as we have other things we've been saving for, namely a deposit for a house, and I think the longer we put off a wedding the longer it will be before we can get a house as it will eat up those funds. We both have a very similar attitude towards money, we don't have a lot of it by any means as only dp works and we have three dc, but we're very good at living within our means and actively love a good charity shop! Ive looked into nearby venues and the cost is actually unbelievable, and in most cases doesn't include catering which can be up to £30 a head.
I'm more than happy to get a second hand dress, as really, I'll be in in a few hours maximum. But I seem to be hit with absolute disbelief when I mention to friends the corners I can cut. Favours for a start. I don't understand the obsession with buying each guest a piece of tat that they'll just throw away. Similarly, I'm a good baker and have every intention of baking my own cake. This was met with actual gasps of horror by my friend. My ideal day would honestly to get married at the church then bring everyone back here for a picnic. The problems with that being relying on the weather being ok, and also wether the garden is big enough. My house is a pretty modest size and not that pretty. My suggestion of people bringing a dish to share in lieu of a wedding present has also been deemed rude. I feel a bit stuck and deflated. As it is, we're looking at spending £6000 at least to hire and cater for a modest amount of people, less than 60, about a third of that number being children.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I being wildly cheap, and would you look down on my wedding? I think with some decorations my garden could look lovely, and yes I'd have to clean up afterwards but so what? It would save us thousands and we could even maybe afford a few days away afterwards too. Anyone had a cheap wedding and regretted it? Or an expensive one and still regretted it??

YANBU at all! I've been to some lavish weddings that have been fantastic and some really simple weddings that have been so personal and gorgeous. Our wedding was cheap but wonderful. My parents made the cake, we hired a gorgeous village hall for the reception and my friend did a buffet that is still talked about years later it was so amazing. I bought a non wedding dress in a sale. I think because it was a gay wedding people had no expectations at all so thought it was lovely. Anyway, I think your plans sound great, congratulations to you both!

YANBU - A low budget, carefully thought out, meaningful, informal wedding is far, far better than the ubiquitous function at a hotel imo.

Weddings have now become an industry, with too much emphasis placed on spending as much cash at possible for one day, as opposed to a loving, happy event which starts a marriage.

Have a great day - can we all come?!

Also a cream tea - so tea, scones with Jam, butter and cream. Sponge cake.

Also if you did do it at a church hall or village hall with a garden, you could set up a game of cricket for a laugh

Feel obliged to warn you about how badly wrong the bring your own food thing can go! Have been to a few where it's been disastrous, many guests bringing cheap unappetising food that nobody wanted to eat, the people towards the back of the queue had only the option of the bits nobody wanted as everything else had gone. If you go down this route I would ask guests to RSVP with what they are bringing so you know in advance. Hog roasts can also work out cheaper than caterers per head and would suit both kids and adults. Or if you like cooking, three one pot dishes (chilli/ veggie/ non spicy) plus loads of rice and French sticks would be cheaper than caterers too.

Bring a dish would be ok if you made sure to do certain key things, e.g. canapes, then a roast, a ham, a salmon, a vegetarian main, bread and also a couple of side dishes like mini roast potatoes, green salad, or coleslaw. What others bring would then be used to pad out the buffet but you could be confident everyone would get a decent bit of meat or fish and wouldn't go hungry.

Strangely I have only ever known bring a dish meals to somehow work really well. If you ask people to make and bring one of their favourite dishes, you should end up with a very tasty selection. Maybe use FB or email to bring together a list of who brings what. Some of the men in my friendship group will try and outdo each other on the cake making front. It's quite a laugh.

I love reading about everyone's weddings. Sounds like you all had really great days, and OP you will too. Just as long as you have your family and friends there, and they will help to make sure its a lovely day too
(don't invite anyone who would look down on lack of wedding favours - who gives a hoot!)

Good idea to target a few people re pot luck, in lieu of their gifts, and then fill in any gaps with Waitrose or whereever. I would totally stress out about making something, also it will be harder to coordinate.

suzy, your marquee looks lovely :) The bunting is a lovely idea. I also love white fairy lights strung around...

My first wedding was huuugggeeee-cost a fortune..big dress...favours.......posh invitations etc etc..
2nd wedding....cost less than £1000.....registry office......outfit was £40.......no favours or any other gimmicks........DH's suit bought in the sale...etc etc.
Hot buffet in local pub (we didn't get married until 3.30 so didn't have a 3 course meal plus an evening reception-the buffet just got topped up for a couple of hours)
And we only had 34 guests-the people that REALLY mattered.......very close friends and family ......no seating plan...which worked brilliantly...photographer was a local student studying photography who we paid and took some fantastic pics.
After all, the outcome is the same as when you spend thousands on a wedding (which I did the first time round, and this marriage has lasted a helluva lot longer.......)
Do what you want to do-it's your day!

We had no favours - didn't see the point!

I made my own flowers / bridesmaids flowers (easy to do, especially with silk flowers, and there are lots of online tutorials for simple versions that look stunning).

A friend of mine made my dress for £150 and it was beautiful, just how I wanted it.

I made the table decorations - cheap red candles in glass holders at £1 each from a pound shop, tall red vase (pack of 3 was £5 from Dunelm) with a big statement flower in.

We didn't have a cake, but a friend made cupcakes so each table had a cupcake stand with a variety of cakes. These came in handy during the delay from the service to the buffet.

We didn't have a photographer but trusted a few people to bring their digital cameras and take a few shots for us. We also had cheap disposable cameras on every table and collected them at the end of the night, and got some brilliant candid shots from them!

Dh wore a suit he already had, my 2 bridesmaids had dresses ordered cheap from one of the Chinese websites.

The biggest expense was the hotel - we had ceremony and food at the hotel, so couldn't bring in outside catering, so paid for the cheapest buffet they had on offer.

Remember - as other people have said - this is YOUR day (both of you of course!) and you want a day that you'll remember as being brilliant.

Good luck!

Well I just bought my wedding dress I took my mum and sister out for the day and we went to an Oxfam bridal shop, which we were all quite sceptical about. The first one I tried was too small, I think it had been altered to fit someone much shorter than me. But the second one was absolutely perfect. My mum cried. She is NOT a crier. A grand total of £180 for a brand new, last season designer sample dress. I am amazed. I pranced around in it a bit when we got home. Mum has said she thinks our idea of having a get together here after the ceremony is good, and that she'll happily help with the food. I'm all abuzz tonight I'm quite anxious to set a date now and just get on with it.

Fantastic news on the dress

Your wedding plans sound wonderful - wishing you every happiness and a great day.

Yay! I love simple weddings. I wish I lived near you, I would help you plan it. :o (I live to plan parties!)

Wow!! Sounds great (the dress and all the plans )

Yay! How exciting :)

I haven't rtft, but YANBU. I'm surprised your friends are beings this way. I've been to plenty of weddings where they've asked people to bring a dish (it's a bit of a logistical nightmare, but can be done), and utlimately your wedding should be what you want. Also, we didn't have a cheap wedding, but we didn't have favours or a cake! Everyone still seems to be talking to me...

I am sorry the friends you have spoken with so far can't support you in having yoyr day exactly as you want it. Especially as it sounds like they woulf if you were wanting to sprnd piles of money. Keep asking, you will find a core group who are willing to be your catering and logistics support. People like me, and others here. Or else you will find your friends are a bit snobbish and you need new friends who share your values.

A wedding reception is just a party. Plan whatever party you want. A good cheap party (or wedding) is better than an expensive one, cut and snipped and slashed to fit the budget.

Too bad you have told folks already, my favorite inexpensive wedding was potluck picnic that was supposed to be a housewarming, except, surprise, they got married! The invite asked folks to bring one of half a dozen side dish options, though, as you would expect, some brought more than that, or their own go-to potluck dish, whatever. The B&G provided BBQ, champagne for toasts, then beer and wine, and cake, of course.

My wedding was beautiful and so cheap! My friend grew my flowers in her allotment, my mum made my cake, my friend made my dress (£60) and another friend did the photos (the photos on the cheap were the one thing I regret if I'm honest but hey!).
The truth is it's the marriage that matters! Please don't feel the pressure to spend. You don't want to start you married life with the weight of debt x

My wedding was cheap, it had to be. Registry Office, we walked there, people waved to us from their windows. I was wearing a dress that fitted me well and a jacket, nothing new or fancy, no flowers, just a buttonhole, but I was carrying a heart shaped balloon, my wedding gift from the groom.

We limited the number of guests to very close friends and family, there were about 14 people altogether. After the service we walked to the small park for photos, then to a restaurant for lunch.

We asked for no presents but for people to make a contribution to the meal.

There was no cake but they could choose something sweet from the menu if they wanted.

It was one of the best days of my life. It was our wedding, we were only going to do it once so we did it the way we wanted, not the way other people thought it should be.

we get married in 3 weeks. budget is £2k and we got engaged 2 months ago.
favours are tea bags cost 10p pp
lunch is 2 courses at a gastropub £10pp 40 people
evening in a memorial hall £95
decorating ourselves

splashed out on his suit and the minimoon but otherwise it'll be a budget (but hopefully still classy) affair

Your ideas sound fabulous. We got married 5 years ago and spent a small fortune on renting out a castle, such a cliche. You know what? If I had my time again I'd bugger off and do it somewhere quiet, intimate and with probably 75% less people, fuss and effort. You don't need to spend a lot to make it beautiful.

Szell your plans sound utterly lovely, congratulations and have a wonderful day.

Budget weddings can be really lovely. So can expensive ones. Neither is better or worse than the other.

I've sat in a cow barn (that had real cows living in it the week before - the whole family set to with scrubbing and whitewashing) eating a 'bring your own picnic' meal and had a whale of a time. I've sat in an expensive restaurant eating poncy food with a harp plinking away in the background and felt slightly bored.

As a guest what I really care about is getting a little bit teary when the couple exchange their vows, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside about sharing their special day, being all excited for them and their future. So every wedding I've been to has been a lovely one really. What else happens is just extras.

The best wedding I have ever, ever been to had a bouncy castle.