To think a 'cheap' wedding is just fine?

[Noseyvalentine]

First of all, apologies, this board seems full of wedding woe at the moment. Dp and I recently got engaged and have been looking at options for our wedding. I don't particuarly want a long engagement as we have other things we've been saving for, namely a deposit for a house, and I think the longer we put off a wedding the longer it will be before we can get a house as it will eat up those funds. We both have a very similar attitude towards money, we don't have a lot of it by any means as only dp works and we have three dc, but we're very good at living within our means and actively love a good charity shop! Ive looked into nearby venues and the cost is actually unbelievable, and in most cases doesn't include catering which can be up to £30 a head.
I'm more than happy to get a second hand dress, as really, I'll be in in a few hours maximum. But I seem to be hit with absolute disbelief when I mention to friends the corners I can cut. Favours for a start. I don't understand the obsession with buying each guest a piece of tat that they'll just throw away. Similarly, I'm a good baker and have every intention of baking my own cake. This was met with actual gasps of horror by my friend. My ideal day would honestly to get married at the church then bring everyone back here for a picnic. The problems with that being relying on the weather being ok, and also wether the garden is big enough. My house is a pretty modest size and not that pretty. My suggestion of people bringing a dish to share in lieu of a wedding present has also been deemed rude. I feel a bit stuck and deflated. As it is, we're looking at spending £6000 at least to hire and cater for a modest amount of people, less than 60, about a third of that number being children.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I being wildly cheap, and would you look down on my wedding? I think with some decorations my garden could look lovely, and yes I'd have to clean up afterwards but so what? It would save us thousands and we could even maybe afford a few days away afterwards too. Anyone had a cheap wedding and regretted it? Or an expensive one and still regretted it??

Don't feel you need to hire a photographer, they are best for formal marshalling. Ask a friend to take some shots but not many.

We had a cheap wedding and it was such a wonderful day. We decided to have everything how we wanted it, rather than sticking to traditions we didn't believe in.

We had the ceremony in our local (gorgeous) registry office. I made my dress and DH bought a new suit. I didn't have bridesmaids and BIL was best man and just wore his own clothes.

The reception was a picnic in the park near the registry office. We were worried about the weather (September) but we're really lucky that it was a beautiful day. We put up a gazebo and some plastic tables and fold up chairs for the older guests, and scattered picnic rugs around for the other guests.

For food, we got falafel and salads provided by a local business that do stalls at various markets. Everyone loved it, even DH's grandparents who had never tried falafel before.

I really wanted to make a cake, but DD was 4 months old at the time and I just couldn't do it so MIL bought a variety from M&S and Grandmother IL made a few too.

For drinks, we bought a load of champagne and after that, guests bought their own from local shops.

My mum made bunting and MIL bought balloons that we used to decorate the area of the park - hanging from trees etc. one of my friends set up flowers round the food able and the picnic rugs. I didn't have a bouquet as I knew I would have the baby in my hands most of the time!

We also managed to get gorgeous 1920s rings from an antique shop, which I know is 'unlucky', but I love that the ring has another story too. And we saved a lot on them.

We ended up having 3 photographers - DH's friend's mum is a professional wedding photographer, my aunt's partner is a keen amateur photographer as is DH's friend and they all took fantastic photos (mostly unposed), which we didn't pay for.

We ended at about 5 or 6 when it began to get colder and dark. Some guests went on to the pub, but dh and I and dd went home.

It really was one of the most wonderful days I have had, and if I did it again I wouldn't change anything.

I meant to add, the whole thing cost less than £1000 including clothes (£300) rings (£300), food for 50 guests (£200)...

My wedding was less than a grand. Thanks to that we could move to our current house. I'd much rather have that than one expensive day. I think your ideas sound great.

I love the idea of your wedding too. We didn't spend a ridiculous amount on ours either. The most memorable wedding I went to was a home made affair in the corner of a Vinyard in Italy. It was 25 years ago and I remember it well. All the other weddings since have blurred into one.

I think the weather could be an issue. Marquees can cost a fortune once you've added on floors, chairs, toilets etc that you'd need to (we looked into it for ours and it would have hugely increased what we spent). If the nicer village halls are a little way away, how about hiring a couple of coaches to get people there?

Cake wise, we had four tiers of iced fruitcake from M&S, which was yummy and came to about £100 for 200 portions.

If bringing a dish isn't going down well, if you can get to a Costco they do a lot of party foods on platters. I did my 40th with their platters, things like sandwiches, sausage rolls, spring rolls etc. it cost around £100 to feed 80 people.

Good luck and have fun organising. Your friends will come round to it being what you want if they're real friends.

Ps, the photographer was the one thing I thought was worth spending on, but we got married on a Friday, so it was cheaper, and we didn't have an album done, just photos on a DVD, so it was about £300..

Yanbu but £6000 is actually a good sized budget. You could probably do it for much less and put the extra towards your house deposit. :)

I think your picnic idea sounds lovely. Could you maybe hire some kind of marquee type thing (doesn't have to be a big fancy thing) just to cover the chance of bad weather?

I would encourage you to go with your instinct. It is your day, and something you want happy memories of. Probably the best wedding I have attended was the marriage of my DB and SIL which was very similar to your description with an added tandem as their wedding "car" from the church. Each guest brought a savoury and a sweet dish, photographs were taken by their best friend and traditional 3 tier cake cake made by myself and SIL, my DM made SIL a simple wedding dress. This took place in a very modest mid Edwardian terrace with a medium garden with about 50 guests and as they didn't have much money didn't start married life with debt. The day was remembered by all and suited their lifestyle completely. Good luck and best wishes for a lovely day whatever you decide.

Haven't read all of the thread but we did the picnic thing for our wedding and it was FABULOUS :o
Had a very small registry wedding on the Friday with 13 of us including 2 yr old DD then a meal at a lovely local Italian restaurant who were more than happy for DD to run around. The next day we invited everyone we wanted to a picnic at a local English Hertitage garden. We asked them to bring food and outside games and we provided the bubbly and cake (which we made with DD :))
It was brilliant and perfect for us.
It's your day, make sure you do what you want :)

Your wedding ideas sound beautiful! Some of the best weddings ive been to have been 'cheap', it should be about becoming Mr & Mrs, not the cost. Go for it!

Misterdaly and I had a 'cheap' wedding! Registry office then dinner in a pub/hotel local to us for 15 of our nearest and dearest. My dress was second hand, himself wore his own suit. I made my bouquet for under £10 and that included a single flower for my FG (our 18 mo DD) to carry (for about two seconds before she threw it down and wandered off around the room!) Friend made us a fabulous cake, other friends took pictures, it was a great day.

A meal for 50 would push the cost up though. I think your potluck idea is a good one but might be harder to organise with that many people. You could rent a room in a pub that would provide the food, get a buffet-style meal for 50 which would cost a lot less than a sit-down meal. Lots of pubs these days offer a room for birthdays/christenings etc., I don't see any reason you couldn't have a lovely wedding without spending a fortune. Best of luck and enjoy your day, whatever you decide to do.

It sounds like it would be a nice relaxed day, don't discuss your plans with your friends when their reaction so far has been so ridiculous!
Its your day to have the wedding you and your partner want, you don't need anyones approval or plan a wedding that they would like!

Not read the thread so probably repeating. However I'd go for a huge gazebo (morrocan style maybe?), bunting, a hog roast, bales of hay, overlapping rugs, clusters of cushions, bring and share food, wedding cupcakes (homemade) t lights and seasonal garden flowers in jars, budlia (or what ever plants in season) entwined on gazebo, fire pit in the evening, marshmallows to toast, a guitarist strumming in the background (or low key music on Cd) a cocktail or two, pimms, huge barrel or two of local beer,

Bowls full of sweets also

We had a lunch at home of stuff people made for us, and a party at home in the evening.

Our wedding cost £500, including a silk dress and a gold ring. I totally agree that you should have the wedding you want. Also, I think people spend silly money on weddings these days, and a lot of it is keeping up with the joneses, promoted by the industry.

Ps heard of a lovely wedding in a field , all home made, with bales of hay for seats and an old marquee.

A bring and share is easy enough to arrange and will often fall into place naturally with minimal effort. A few weeks before the event you could always start a private Facebook group asking people to bring one of their favourite food dishes along. And if anyone knows what they are bringing to list it on the FB page so everyone can see.

Friends had a joint 60th 3 years ago in a village hall which they decorated. They had the food catered-chilli,curry and veggie options, baked potatoes ,bread etc . Served buffet style . And puds. I think she said it was about £10 a head (mid Wales) .
In the USA its very common for the bride's friends to each make a cake (different flavour) , which they arrange prettily on a table- one has a 'bride and groom' put on top, whiich is the one they cut . Could get friends etc to do same-less unpredictable than having friends do all the food? . The guests were asked to bring a bottle (I like the idea of suggesting a supermarket mid-price) They provided fizz for toasts . Was great fun and all ages mixed well . They used an ipod for music/dancing (with naturally a 60's theme) with fairly hefty speakers. And we all had a quiz relating to them to do .
I do think the food (and drink) is actually quite important. DD1 went to a wedding a couple of years ago and she said the food was really second rate-tired sandwiches and the like . It's what she remembers about it, sadly .
A friend did my wedding photographs (this in the days before digital cameras) .I hated the idea of smiling for a stranger!Neighbours donated chrysanthemums-bronze and dark red mostly- from their gardens (twas early Oct ) and mum and I did the church flowers the evening before .
And no one had ever heard of favours and matching chair covers back in the day ...
Friends son's wedding 'do' was in a village hall Theyhad sunflowers as a 'theme' and everyone bought food . she said it was lovely

I don't think it is rude to ask people to bring a dish. The nicest wedding we ever went to was of two friends who were 18. Her Dad was moving abroad with work and she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. They got married with no help from her parents as they weren't happy with the marriage and being 18 they had no money. They got married on an absolute shoestring. The reception was at a friend's house and I was asked to bring a quiche and a trifle. It was a lovely day as it was all about the fact they wanted to be together. They celebrate their Silver wedding this year.

Our wedding was pretty cheap and many people said it was the best wedding they had ever been to!

If space is your primary concern, could you ask a local pub if you can hire their space and bring your own food? They may charge something like £500 for the space and for corkage, but may let you do it.

Where are you located?

I would be happy to lend you my dress- it's a coast 16 so fits a 14.

Also meant to say- when I was younger I used to do wedding photography. Two of the nicest weddings I went to were super cheap and amazingly cheerful.

One had a picnic outdoors. It rained like crazy in the morning so everyone just moved inside and laughed it off. They were sooooo sweet; an older couple who had both been married before and hated weddings but loved ghosts so their honey moon consisted of driving around Canada looking for haunted houses. the second were friends of mine, they went out to a lovely wooded space on an Vancouver Island and just had a massive piss up / BBQ / bring your own dish in lieu of a present.

It was amazing!

I'm so pleased I started this thread, it feels like a total weight off. I spoke with dp last night and we both agreed we'd just go ahead with a smaller do and stop trying to pander to what people expect. And the sooner the better still not sure what to do about the garden but when it stops raining we're going to measure up to see what kind of gazebo we could fit there at a push. I'm really looking forward to everything now

It sounds like the perfect day! I bought a 'cheaper dress' as it was the one I liked. I made my own cake as I wanted to. It didn't look very good (lack of skill) but tasted fabulous and everyone commented how nice it was I had done that. I skimped on flowers and had small bouquets as they were not important to me. We didn't have favours either for the reason you don't want them. We did have a 'posh' venue and splurged on a live band as DH loves music. You should spend on what you want to and save on things that aren't important to you. One of the best weddings I ever went to was in a church with reception in bride's parents' garden. We ate Cornish pasties and drank wine by candle light. Perfect! Congratulations on engagement. It's your day (and soon to be DH's).

We had a low-key wedding with a reception at home. It was lovely but the only bummer was it pissed it down (in late August!) so we had to make an emergency dash to Ikea for some gazebos the day before which was a right PITA. We were unlucky, but you really do need a contingency plan for the weather.