To think a 'cheap' wedding is just fine?

[Noseyvalentine]

First of all, apologies, this board seems full of wedding woe at the moment. Dp and I recently got engaged and have been looking at options for our wedding. I don't particuarly want a long engagement as we have other things we've been saving for, namely a deposit for a house, and I think the longer we put off a wedding the longer it will be before we can get a house as it will eat up those funds. We both have a very similar attitude towards money, we don't have a lot of it by any means as only dp works and we have three dc, but we're very good at living within our means and actively love a good charity shop! Ive looked into nearby venues and the cost is actually unbelievable, and in most cases doesn't include catering which can be up to £30 a head.
I'm more than happy to get a second hand dress, as really, I'll be in in a few hours maximum. But I seem to be hit with absolute disbelief when I mention to friends the corners I can cut. Favours for a start. I don't understand the obsession with buying each guest a piece of tat that they'll just throw away. Similarly, I'm a good baker and have every intention of baking my own cake. This was met with actual gasps of horror by my friend. My ideal day would honestly to get married at the church then bring everyone back here for a picnic. The problems with that being relying on the weather being ok, and also wether the garden is big enough. My house is a pretty modest size and not that pretty. My suggestion of people bringing a dish to share in lieu of a wedding present has also been deemed rude. I feel a bit stuck and deflated. As it is, we're looking at spending £6000 at least to hire and cater for a modest amount of people, less than 60, about a third of that number being children.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I being wildly cheap, and would you look down on my wedding? I think with some decorations my garden could look lovely, and yes I'd have to clean up afterwards but so what? It would save us thousands and we could even maybe afford a few days away afterwards too. Anyone had a cheap wedding and regretted it? Or an expensive one and still regretted it??

We are getting married this July and in total its costing £5000.

registry office (its beautiful and seats 120) £500
function room of a waterfront restaurant £300
my dress was a sample sale dress £450
bbq with all the trimmings £950
photographer is a friend as wedding gift
cake is being made by a friend as wedding gift

all decorations are being made by me and my mum

we have even had enough in the budget to gave flowers done by a florist and a hairdresser/make up artist
budget also includes hotel rooms for 2 nights and honeymoon (static caravan on a holiday site with dd)

£6000 is plenty of money for a wedding!

I think your wedding sounds like a refreshing change from all the over hyped nonsense that seems to surround so many weddings nowadays. There was a time when people had the wedding they could afford and people were just happy to see them getting married and to be invited to help celebrate the occasion.

The nicest wedding I ever attended was a simple one, with the bride going around handing out food and the wine being served in cheap disposable glasses and everyone sitting around the garden on a beautiful sunny afternoon relaxing and laughing and enjoying themselves. Far, far nicer than the formulaic events in hotels with favours and special chair coverings and fireworks and big loud bands and hours of photographs that all just merge into each other and only really stand out for the bride and groom themselves.

Best weddings I've been too have been the budget ones. More fun, less twee. Good time had by all.

The best weddings I've been to were mostly homemade affairs and very individual. But then I'm a fan of modest weddings where the emphasis is on getting the people you are closet to together to share an amazing life changing moment.

I 'd love it if the guests bought their signature dish to share instead of a present it must be obvious to your guests you now have all the household items you need. The people who really care about you and your family wouldn't bat an eyelid at your plans and would just want to celebrate your wedding your way.

Congratulations and good luck. Hope it all turns out well

Focus your spending on the bits worth spending on - for me, photos. Anyone who turns their nose up at a budgetted wedding is a [Insert criticism of choice - I would say 'arse']. My dress was the perfect style and fit for me - unsold stock donated to a charity shop. Cost 120 squid. Donâ??t drive yourself nuts trying to find bargains. The cake idea sounds fab but "outsource" if is too much strain. As I say to every bride and groom to be "It really is all about you". Sod other people's expectations.

Your wedding sounds very like mine, so no I certainly wouldn't look down my nose at it !

I made my stationery and table plans. Mum made the bridesmaids dresses (only 2), I got my dress and shoes half price end of season. DH was a chef at a private school at the time and we were able to use one of their spaces (and the beautiful grounds) free of charge in the school holidays. We had a fairly elaborate buffet catered by DH, his colleague and our best man (also a chef). We hired a DIY bar service which cost us £70 and I made the cake which one of DH's colleagues decorated.

We went away the following morning to BIL's second home in Scotland, with flights paid for by IL's and car hire paid for by BIL & SIL as a wedding present.

Still going strong 12 years later!

My parents garden might work well, as might dps parents house. But the weather! That's my main concern. If I could guarantee a lovely day, I'd 100% do it here. But again, I'd need the older guests especially to be comfortable and a blanket in the floor isn't a great option for that. Hiring a room at a nice restaurant is a nice idea too, Ill look into that. For us, the marriage is the important thing. I wants the dc to have a lovely day to remember too.

A good friend of mine was also saving for a house (and a new life as a family abroad) when her and her now husband got married.

The wanted a registry office wedding (Westminster) and then invited everybody (70 people) back to their tiny 2 bed flat with a Caribbean style bbq where their musician friends played for them. It was fab! And they had a lovely day.

I would go for the picnic idea. Your house can have suitable decorations added to brighten it up if you feel you need it.

If you're saving for a house then don't spend deposit money on a wedding day.

We went to a great pot luck wedding banquet in a school hall once - any local schools you could try?

I've known someone bake her own wedding cake. It was what she did, so it seemed silly to get someone else to do it. It was fine, but she knew exactly how much time it was going to take, and she thought of it as paying herself to avoid paying someone else.

We had some expensive bits, some cheaper. I'm particularly pleased that we had our reception at the village hall as it was so cheap and was fun decorating it together the day before. I regret having a 'proper' wedding dress tbh. I loved it at the time but it cost so much and has been sitting in my wardrobe for the last 3 1/2 years...Favours? Bah! Silly things. Do what you want so long as you get lots of alcohol so your guests can get very 'relaxed' later

The best weddings I have attended are the ones with the nicest people the cost rarely a factor. I dislike wedding where a cost seems to be attached to the invite, I give to the bride and groom irrelevant to what the cost of the wedding is but some weddings recently that I have attended seem to be about covering expenses that have little to do with guest more to do with the couples wishes and desires. Have been to a few bring a dish and they have been great.

I would love to go to your wedding! It sounds lovely.

I've been to a few cheaper wedding receptions (including my own, but we went small, so not that helpful for you) - one in a bowling club function room, one in the local town hall - a few receptions in church halls although I imagine you would have to get married in the associated church :-)

As to regretting it, as I say I had a small wedding and thoroughtly enjoyed it. Most important thing from my perspective was that my dad was there, as he got ill not long after. I do regret that I didn't go big and invite the extended family, some of whom were a bit miffed to miss meeting DH, and it would have been a chance to reconnect with the community I grew up in because it was very tight knit and I moved away. But do I regret not having the statement dress and 250 identically decorated bags of almonds in my life, no, I can honestly say it has never kept me awake at night :-)

People have some very fixed ideas about weddings though. I remember telling people when I got engaged and every single time it was like "where's the ring? NO RING?" followed by lots of huffing and puffing. My DH was finishing his PhD at the time, we were trying to save for a deposit for a house... sometimes I think people just get their whole wedding expectations thing lock, stock and barrel from like The Forsyte Saga or something. We're not all bloody aristos with tons of money in the back at the start of married life...

It's worth looking at hotel packages, we got one for 2000 for 50 guests +more in the evening, it saved on transport and made it convenient for everyone. I got my dress from a n oxfam secialist bridal shop (strongly recommeded) and my husband made our wedding cake! It was a lovely day

I think your ideas sound lovely :) If you are worried about bad weather for a picnic, have you looked into how much it would be to hire a marque?

We had a cheap wedding (under £2k) last summer. We got a friend to make the cake for £60, cheap wedding dress (£100), no bridesmaids, registry office, car was a classic car someone from a website voluntered to drive for a donation, reception was at a recreation club with a buffet as the main meal.

We got a few people to help us decorate the room in the morning, with balloons, home made bunting etc. We didn't have the money for an expensive wedding, but even if we did, we wouldn't have spent it. We had about 35 guests, and everyone says they love how small and intimate it was, cos everyone just mingled and had fun!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do :)

We had a registry office do followed by a pub lunch for immediate family and best friends only. Then we hired a pub room for an evening party where everyone was invited. We put some money behind the bar.
We didn't expect presents at all, though some people brought them anyway.
It was great. People talked about the party for years afterwards.
And we spent our money on other things.
I'd do the same again but I'm still married to the same bloke 25 years later, so I can't.

We are getting married at a registry office, us 2 plus 4 guests/witnesses. We're then going for a meal at a top class restaurant, so that plus rings and I reckon we'll spend less than £600

Honeymoon will cost around £8k though

I think bring your own dish wedding sounds really fun :) It's YOUR day, you decide whatever you want to do and everyone else will have to put up with it.

We got married in some woods in Scotland and then had a pub lunch after, nearby. TBH we weren't even going to do that much, but my parents wanted to contribute so they paid for that. If not, we'd have hired a village hall when we got back and either done the bring a dish or had a pea and pie supper.

Dress was Debenhams; cakes were M&S and decorated by us. Had toddler flower girls rather than grown up bridesmaids - got them frilly frocks in sale but didn't insist they wore them. Friends took photos and filmed it for us. Flowers for the littlies also came from M&S and were just a nice bunch I split and wrapped: I got a lovely bunch from a proper florist as I like flowers and am not good at arranging them (but I made sure they didn't know it was for a wedding as that doubles the price).

It was also all over by 6pm, which was entirely intended as we had two under two, and most of my friends seemed to have very small kids at the time. I do like a good piss-up but it didn't really seem necessary on this occasion!

There were a few problems, because my in-laws had some expectations which we just did not want to fit into (the pub lunch started being referred to as the "wedding breakfast" - a warning sign I shouldn't have ignored!) and, actually, even my very cool parents did. So I would say, do what you feel like because it is your day, but make sure everyone's clear on that well in advance!

Congratulations, btw!

The best wedding I went to was a very short registry office affair followed by a bring your own picnic get together on the grooms family farm. Many of their friends were very talented and gifted various performances. It was a really amazing day (like an actually nice festival, rather than a crappy buy lots of shite for and at one)
Go for it!

Best wedding I ever went to was a church wedding followed by church hall, fish and chips delivered for everyone, every table had a white paper table cloth, salt vinager and pickled onions,the went to France for booze, red, white and beer, set up a make shift bar , it was brilliant, everyone all sat on different tables so everyone really mixed well, had an iPad set up for music and instead of a wedding cake the bride had made cupcakes , such a fun and relaxing day , might be an idea to employ someone to take your son off when he gets bored that way everyone gets to enjoy your day, it's about a celebration of marriage not staging a pantomime, the simplicity is refreshing

Regarding the cake, you need to think about how big it would need to be to feed 60, when you were going to bake it and how to store it ready for the big day.

We did our own cake, and little cakes for guests that were shop bought. They cost £2 for 5 and we bought 40 packs. This was not as easy as it sounds as I had to make 5 trips to buy them as the shops didn't have enough in stock at once and then some melted in the car as it was 25C so I had to go, purchase a load of ice packs and cool bags and then rebuy them all. Would have been cheaper just to get a premade cake and have the luxury of someone else sorting them out and delivering. I had to make the surround decoration for the main cake myself which again cost a lot in materials and props and was a nightmare on the day to set up. I asked our food caterers to do it and they didn't do it right! So I regretted this bit got a load of hassle and didn't save any $.

Re flowers, again, you need to plan, if you are going to it yourself, when you will buy then, when you will decorate your place etc. Flowers wilt very quickly and really has to be done on the day. You will be busy doing other things. Re decorations, again, who is going to set these up and when.

Re food, again, it is the preparation and storage that is key. ok, if your friends bring dishes but not being culinary myself and short of time, I would worry about that and probably send something in from M&S. Also you would need to co-ordinate what everyone is bringing so that the meal makes sense. You could have 15 lots of sausage rolls. Where will the food keep cool ? It will spoil if the weather is nice. Who is going to set it up and make it look nice ?

Weddings are horrifically expensive, but I have found that in reality, you are not only paying for the goods, but paying for someone else to arrange things for you as you cant do everything and will be nervous and preparing yourself on the big day when everything needs to come together. This is why it costs.

Also £30 per head is not a crazy price. You could easily pay this in Pizza Express for a regular meal. People do expect a good feed at a wedding as it costs time and effort to attend.

My parents were considering offering me their garden for our wedding - hiring a marquee would have covered the rain problem, but they were also concerned about 60 people using one toilet - cost of portaloos was quite high I think. In the end we had it in a restaurant that has a separate bar area and a marquee in the grounds. You had to go up and choose your dinner and carry it back to your seat, but I don't think anyone found this a great hardship. It meant we could feed everyone for 50-60% of the cost of a hotel meal. Also everyone had a proper seat and cutlery which is better for the older / more traditional people. It depends on who your guests are going to be really!
I did cheap dress, bridal car belonged to a neighbour who drove us, another friend responsible for photos. I was very young and wanted to do everything properly - did sugared almonds in a bag for favours.

Our wedding was very simple (and cheap). Registry office for ceremony followed by lunchtime reception to keep costs down, 40 guests in total. Friend bought me my dress from Coast. It was a lovely day and everyone enjoyed themselves. The most important thing to remember is that this is your wedding day and you can do what you want. A pot luck meal is not rude, I would be happy to do that at a wedding :)

Good luck and stick to your guns and have the wedding you and your partner want!

Sounds good to me. One if my best friends had her reception in the local village hall with a cake made by her mum, a buffet which we all helped with in the morning. Plus some guests also brought extra dishes along (arranged in advance). We paid for our own drinks and the grooms mates performed followed by one of them doing the disco as a wedding present.
We all had a great time as we were there to celebrate their marriage and that was what mattered.
My neighbour made my wedding cake as a present to me (they were invited). But we had a chocolate fudge cake as the wedding cake -3 tiers very simply decorated. Neither of us like traditional cake and the children there loved it and if was a lot quicker to make than the normal wedding cake.