To think a 'cheap' wedding is just fine?

[Noseyvalentine]

First of all, apologies, this board seems full of wedding woe at the moment. Dp and I recently got engaged and have been looking at options for our wedding. I don't particuarly want a long engagement as we have other things we've been saving for, namely a deposit for a house, and I think the longer we put off a wedding the longer it will be before we can get a house as it will eat up those funds. We both have a very similar attitude towards money, we don't have a lot of it by any means as only dp works and we have three dc, but we're very good at living within our means and actively love a good charity shop! Ive looked into nearby venues and the cost is actually unbelievable, and in most cases doesn't include catering which can be up to £30 a head.
I'm more than happy to get a second hand dress, as really, I'll be in in a few hours maximum. But I seem to be hit with absolute disbelief when I mention to friends the corners I can cut. Favours for a start. I don't understand the obsession with buying each guest a piece of tat that they'll just throw away. Similarly, I'm a good baker and have every intention of baking my own cake. This was met with actual gasps of horror by my friend. My ideal day would honestly to get married at the church then bring everyone back here for a picnic. The problems with that being relying on the weather being ok, and also wether the garden is big enough. My house is a pretty modest size and not that pretty. My suggestion of people bringing a dish to share in lieu of a wedding present has also been deemed rude. I feel a bit stuck and deflated. As it is, we're looking at spending £6000 at least to hire and cater for a modest amount of people, less than 60, about a third of that number being children.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I being wildly cheap, and would you look down on my wedding? I think with some decorations my garden could look lovely, and yes I'd have to clean up afterwards but so what? It would save us thousands and we could even maybe afford a few days away afterwards too. Anyone had a cheap wedding and regretted it? Or an expensive one and still regretted it??

Apologies if this has been mentioned before but if you're looking for a marquee or large tent then contact your local scout group - ours has a large 'plastic' tent with sides which detach which can be 'hired' out (and often erected) - all that's asked is usually a donation to group funds which would be a lot less than a professional marquee company.

Get a gazebo in the garden, bunting, fairy lights, a few flowers, set up a bar area, you could probably ask on gumtree or fb etc if you can hire someone cheaply to assist with buffet/pour drinks etc keep music going or anything else. Sure someone would do that just for some pocket/extra money. You could do it all really cheaply.

When we got married, I drove our car to the pay and display car park in the town and then walked to the register office. We had afternoon tea in a nearby hotel for 8 immediately afterwards and then a buffet style party in our garden for friends & family the next day.

I did the catering, which was a mistake as I didn't get chance to chat much.

No flowers other than the ones growing in the garden or a wedding cake. No fancy schmancy dress.

I just wasn't that interested in a 'do'.

I sort of had two hen nights, although I wasn't that keen. Both just drinks in local pubs with a few girlfriends. DH didn't bother with a Stag do.

It's entirely up to you OP what you do. There's no law that says you have to waste loads of money on a fairly pointless event that lasts just one day! It really is just a piece of paper at the end of the day.

I just want to say how grateful I am for all this input. I had a really low day yesterday, ds was havjng a bad day and I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all. But today I'm really looking forward to dp coming home so we can discuss this properly. Hiring a gazebo is a great idea and I'll definately ask around for a few prices. Perhaps bringing a dish is a bad idea, but I do know several people would be happy to help with certain dishes so maybe I'll plan on buying most of it in, m & s and waitrose are great ideas and will be much cheaper than a sit down meal. Also love the idea of hay bales to sit on!

Just putting my pennyworth in again. As someone said up thread part of what you are paying for with a restaurant or whatever is that you don't have to tidy up before, serve up, worry about keeping food cold/hot and tidy up afterwards. Also you will have to call in favours for people to do all that if you DIY - I have a friend who is still slightly cats bum mouth about my ringing her the day before and asking her to put baubles on 64 fairy cakes as well as put up two friends at short notice.

We booked out a local restaurant for the afternoon and evening. They did a really lovely buffet. No swagging on the chairs, lovely food etc.

Anyway - have a fab day!

Nosey, your ideas sound lovely; remember, it's your (and your other half's) day, not anyone else's so it should be what you want.

From the weddings I've been to over the past few years, I think most money was wasted on favours, covers and bows for chairs and fancy floral arrangements on tables.

DD sings at weddings, so she's been to literally hundreds! The one that stuck in her mind most was in a marquee in a field (I think they were a farming family), and the bride had done all the decorations and flowers herself. They had a hog roast and people sat where they liked (no table plan) so mingled far more than if they were sitting in a set place for the whole meal. DD said it was so relaxed, and everyone was just obviously enjoying themselves. So, as long as you can arrange some emergency cover for possible weather issues, I'd say go with your day and enjoy it.

We didn't want a fuss or any interference so with the exception of our children no one (including parents) knew they were going to our wedding they only knew they were coming to our daughter's naming ceremony. It left us free to do it in whatever way we wanted. Your wedding is about the act of being married not a fancy party IMHO.

There were 35 and in a pretty small garden so were able to hire a marquee and tables and chairs from a local company for about £500, if you shop around they often will do tables and chairs. A local company did an afternoon tea for everyone for £450 including brining all the china and cleaning up.

I made the cakes and a friend iced them. Did 3 smaller cakes of different flavors as it was much easier than doing a tiered affair. Home made cake is always nicer than shop bought IMHO!

Used a local photographer who was only just starting out and trying to build up his business. He only did 4 hours and it cost £190 including working up all the photos

Bought our own booze and made a cocktail table, one for adults, one for kids and supplied Pimms on arrival and French non champagne sparkling wine with the tea. Dh negotiated a good deal with a local wine merchant.

My son's (senior) school had a great A level age string quartet so paid them £50 each to do music for the ceremony. If you have a local school or college then maybe you could find something similar or a band to do the music.

Instead of favors I bought vintage brooches on ebay and used them to decorate the tables as place settings, everyone loved these and they got to keep them. We also hired table cloths and glasses and bought cheap bunting from ebay to decorate.

If you're London/Surrey way and you want the name of any suppliers I'd be happy to pass on who we used.

A friend booked out a small local restaurant for her reception on a Saturday afternoon 1-4pm for 60 people. They did the catering and the whole thing cost around £1000. It was a great success as we had the whole place to ourself and very stress free for the couple. Then it was back to their place afterwards for drinks and delivery pizzas for those that wanted to continue partying.

Just to say the couple supplied their own drinks and cake

Suzy, that looks absolutely beautiful. If it weren't for the dc being slightly older, I think we might try and pull the same stunt. Not in London, but I've joined a few local weddingy pages on Facebook and lots of people seem to be advertising marquees and chair hire and things. Your marquee looks beautiful, exactly what I'd want. I could make the bunting I think, and that's somethig the dc could join in with too

I got married in a registry office. We then went back to our house with family and close friends, about 20 people for a small snack lunch. Then everyone left and came back later to a reception in the local leisure centre hall.

We already had a one year old and had booked the registry office intending to just slip off and do it with just witnesses but my mum found out and insisted on a reception do.

A familiar theme here but my dress was also from monsoon and not even their party/bridal wear it was a long cream linen dress. Very plain and simple and what I wanted. I had a small posey from a local forest and shoes from hobbs.

Florist not forest.

Wow Suzy, that is beautiful. My dh is from overseas and we had a very low key wedding as MIL was very ill.

If I had been at home I would have loved to do something like that for immediate family and friends.

Thanks, it was a lot of fun planning it and I think there is definitely something special about not just throwing money at it! We had such a lovely day and you will too if you're doing it your own way and not trying to please (and mostly that seems to be impress these days) anyone but yourselves. Really good luck.

Op where are you based if you don't mind me asking? Just because people may know of cheap suppliers/tips etc

When I got married We did it CHEAP and it was such a good day.( I had already done the formal thing first time round,it was not a good day :) )

I bought a few joints of meat and a turkey and roasted them myself,my guests brought a side or desert,only if they offered though and enough of them did.I supplied beer and wine and soft drinks and if people wanted spirits they brought their own.

I got married in my back yard,which is not pretty :o but we had hired one of those big tents and decorated it ourselves. That hid most of the yard. I bought paper table covers for pennies to cover the tables and hired one of those balloon filling machines. The tent was strung all over the insides with fairy lights and the table decorations were bunches of balloons tied onto a brick wrapped in fancy paper. There were tiki torches all over the yard,Citronella ones cos of the mosquitoes but they looked great.

Set the buffet up in my kitchen and left people to it. It was excellent if I may say so myself. There were kids everywhere all having fun,the adults came and went as they felt like and there was no dress code,I had people in shorts and flip flops. Party lasted well into the morning night.

Biggest expense was the tent. It would have cost 1/2 as much if I hahdnt rented the tent but June in Mass is unpredictable weather wise. The total wedding costs for me was just over $1100, that was food, dress,cake,booze. The tent ( that included tables and chairs) cost $600

That is really lovely suzy.
Our wedding cost about £1000. We had only 20 guests - immediate family and very best friends only. Registry office, lunch at a local restaurant, back to my parents' house for cake, champagne and sandwiches etc. Buttonholes were the only flowers I think. We didn't give any favours, but we didn't mind if people didn't bring gifts either. We paid for a couple of people to stay in nice B and B so that they could be there. I wore a monsoon dress I'd worn a few times before. I bought my DSCs new clothes for the day, as they were our witnesses. That was about it, I think.

One of the best weddings I went to wasn't actually a wedding. We received an invitation for a surprise party at my uncle's house. When we arrived it turned out to be their wedding reception (that was the surprise!). The day before they'd got all dressed up, gone to the registry office with their kids and v close family, then gone out for a pub lunch afterwards. They had official photos taken which they had on a laptop at the reception. We all bought a dish, they did their first dance in the garden! They cut the cake, made speeches etc. It was fab.

we did 'cheap' also and it was a perfect day I decorated with paper pom poms rather than flowers and did our own bouquets and button holes same as you are planning to do. I bought my dress on ebay - it was made in china with the measurements i emailed to them and posted to me within about three weeks! it was absolutely perfect - only needed a slight final fitting that i had a local dressmaker do, exactly what i had always wanted, it looked a million dollars but only cost £93 delivered!
I would say definitely get a photographer - you will want good snaps of your happy day, and having smudgy photos or no record of certain parts of the day is something you would regret.

I have been wondering about hiring photographer. I think if we get married in the warmer minhs we'd probably pay a lot but we know someone who's quite good who we might ask to step in, the only problem being that we'd probably invite him as a guest and it's probably not fair to ask him to also be 'working'. Might have to see if he knows someone he'd recommend. I've emailed the vicar asking what dates he has available so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Do you live near a youth hostel? Many of those are now available for hire and have large dining rooms, plus you could then offer accommodation to those travelling. They often don't costs huge amounts to hire

Or you could go for say this one which sleeps 72 has dining for 60 and is beautiful. just find somewhere local to marry you everyone could stay!

exclusive-hire.yha.org.uk/properties/england/yha-hawkshead-main-building

Op I not only think cheap weddings are fine I think unless you can really afford incredible venues, they are best.

Its your day and people raining on your parade doesn't sound very supportive of this, you don't have to invite anyone. Will your garden fit awnings, can you have music on, will neighbours object?

Either do it at home, or just do drinks and snacks in a hall. I think best parties are in small squashed spaces, always think of breakfast at tiffinys.

I have read most regrets people have after wedding is doing things to please other people, not themselves. Just remember you could elope, you dont have to do this or invite anyone.

Weddings are a bit like baby names, keep it a secret till the day, then no one will comment!