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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling Brave- wedding payment thread!

102 replies

grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:00

Hello all! My DH was "asked" to be best man for his friend from schools second weddings. DH was also best man at the first wedding.

Anyway we have just received a message from groom about the specific cravatte, blazer, shirt, trousers, and shoes we will be expected to order ASAP from ASOS.

The total will be about £175.

Not only are we already skint, but this wedding is already going to cost us significantly in terms of stag, hen, travel, present, etc.

I told DH he should say we can't afford that cost, but he doesn't want to rock the boat.

AIBu to think it's fucking ridiculous that a) we have been told to pay and b) DH is too fucking chicken to refuse???

OP posts:
Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:04

PS sorry for all of the typos, I have fat fingers and am on my phone.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 24/02/2015 21:13

YANBU.

I thought b and g paid for wedding party outfits?

What is with all the wedding threads at the moment? Clearly a lot of bride/groom zillas at the moment!

I suggest your DH says something along the lines of he didn't realise being best man required him buying his own outfit so due to financial constraints he'll have to sadly decline.

Only1scoop · 24/02/2015 21:15

Shock If there is a specific requirement then groom should hire or buy....

urterriblemuriel · 24/02/2015 21:17

YANBU - if they are specifying a specific outfit, they should pay.

I agree with crapbag, be truthful but just in a nice way!

no73 · 24/02/2015 21:18

I'd just say no and that you can't afford it. State what you are already paying out. Far too many people expecting people to pay to be part of their wedding party lately.

honeyroar · 24/02/2015 21:20

I think that it's selfish and awful when brides and grooms do that.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2015 21:20

I would be raging and he would know it. A second wedding? And you're skint. He rocks the boat with you or with his friend, he lives with you. That is fucking ridiculous. He needs to pull out. NOW.

OhBuggerItAgain · 24/02/2015 21:21

Nah - if they want specific items then they need to pay for the hire/purchase

Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:24

I know!!

I feel it is really cheeky and very inconsiderate. The bride and groom know very well how tight things have been financially for DH and I over the past few years, and we are just starting to get back on our feet really. We don't need a nearly £200 outfit cost, especially when a) DH will likely need it tailored anyway and b) DH will NEVER wear that kind of thing again, and c) that is about what DH spends in total on clothes per year, mostly due to finances!

It's just so rude and I think they are depending on DH being a bit of a "nice guy / pushover" not to just be honest and say no.

It's therefore frustrating for me on two levels, as I come out looking like the bad guy. But I just have my own finances as my priority, rather than his friend's second extravagant wedding!!!

OP posts:
DevaDiva · 24/02/2015 21:25

It's the bride and grooms job to pay if
they want specific outfits. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking any of our wedding party to pay for something they didn't want. YANBU tel DH to send his sizes to the groom so he can order.

BlinkAndMiss · 24/02/2015 21:26

This is only going to escalate - he has to be honest with them about the fact neither of you think you should have to pay for their specific choices. It's bad form of them to expect you to pay, attending a wedding seems to be expensive enough without having to pay to be in the party.

Seriously, if you or your DH don't speak up now you'll end up forking out even more. Is the wedding soon?

Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:26

Expat- I AM raging. His whole family is like that. They would rather, say, pay over the odds for a meal they can't afford than say the restaurant is too expensive, etc. or they would rather pay for crap than complain about bad food / service / etc. argh.

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 24/02/2015 21:26

YANBU. They want him wearing specific things, they pay. If they don't want to pay for his outfit, then he gets to choose what he wears (ie a suit of his choosing, which may of may not have been worn before.

All these bride and grooms that want other people to fund their perfect day, it does my head in!

Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:27

Blink and miss- I agree wholeheartedly. The stag / hen is a whole other issue!

OP posts:
Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:28

It also makes me more angry that he was told rather than asked- both about being the best man again in the first place, and now about the cost / choice / timeline of this!

OP posts:
katiegeee · 24/02/2015 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:29

He has also been told when / where / and how much the stag do should be (ironically "dirt cheap" as bride has taken a wage cut recently so groom can't afford much!!!)

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/02/2015 21:29

'They would rather, say, pay over the odds for a meal they can't afford than say the restaurant is too expensive, etc. or they would rather pay for crap than complain about bad food / service / etc. argh.'

Then I would be the bad guy and fuck it and them.

Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:30

Katie- definitely no reimbursement!!

I will make him send a message or call later. I am too angry to let this slide!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
grumpasaur · 24/02/2015 21:31

Going in to talk to DH now- will update later!

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 24/02/2015 21:32

Second wedding? Tell him you can't make this one, but you hope to be able to turn out for his third. Cheeky git.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2015 21:33

Second wedding especially. You fuck off the Registry Office for that.

BauerTime · 24/02/2015 21:35

Yeah agree I'd send measurements back and tell them to order.

Or just say that if he has to provide his own outfit then it will have to be something he already owns as cannot afford anything in addition to stag and hotel accommodation.

Hubb · 24/02/2015 21:36

I want to know what happens, pls report back OP!

CousinCairngormMcWomble · 24/02/2015 21:41

They're specifying shoes?!?

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