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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? So fed up

114 replies

hopingforamiracle · 23/02/2015 14:52

I'm sick of trying to please everyone. I have endometriosis and I'm in a lot of pain today. I was supposed to be doing a birthday cake for my friends daughter's 3rd birthday. I let my friend know I may not be able to bring the cake as I'm unwell, she was angry and said she'd pick one up, tried to make me feel guilty etc. I said no worries, I'll just bring it up later. I've just finished the cake while being doubled over in pain and had to tell me friend I'm really sorry but I can't drop the cake off. The party is in an hour and my friend is really angry, trying to make me feel guilty. I've apologised and she knows about my health issue but all she cares about is that her daughter hasn't got a birthday cake for her party. I told her I was going to bring it up tonight anyway but that's not good enough. AIBU?

OP posts:
sparkysparkysparky · 23/02/2015 15:02

Couldnâ??t read and fly. YANBU and I hope you feel better soon. Thanks Does the mother of the party girl know you are having a bad time right now? She needs to show a bit of female solidarity even if she's up to her eyes in party stuff. It can be a bit Bridezilla Blush when hosting a party. But so what? Her pal is poorly . Hope the pain eases for you.

HedgehogsDontBite · 23/02/2015 15:04

YABU and a shit friend if you think it's ok to leave a child without a cake for their birthday party after agreeing to do it. It's such a shitty thing to go that I suspect this is a reverse

TheRealMaryMillington · 23/02/2015 15:06

YANBU, you've made it, she can come to collect it.
Or stick it in a minicab
But don't waste any energy worrying about it and do what you need to do to get well

nocabbageinmyeye · 23/02/2015 15:08

I see both points to be honest, it's an hour to go, she's probably under pressure and unless you have had endometriosis you can't really comprehend the pain or what's involved with it so she probably just doesn't get it. The arrangement should never have been that you would drop off if you weren't feeling well, I would suggest she stump up for a taxi

Littleturkish · 23/02/2015 15:12

If this was reversed and you were my friend I would never ever be cross.

Ok, it's a birthday cake for a party, but unless you live somewhere really remote it is very easy to just pick one up. She needs to check her compassion.

ChipDip · 23/02/2015 15:12

Yabu why did you want to make the cake knowing that you have a lot going on. Off course your friend would be upset at last minute having to go get a cake.

RainbowFlutterby · 23/02/2015 15:13

I agree with Hedgehog that it's not on to leave a 3yr old with no Birthday Cake.

I'd suggest not doing favours if you have an illness that may mean you let people down at the last minute.

In answer to AIBU though - I think neither you or your friend are really.

Allstoppedup · 23/02/2015 15:14

hedgehog the child is 3 and the mum could always nip to the shop and get a cake, a cake is cake at that age- she shouldn't have tried to guilt trip the OP who has obviously got worse whilst trying to do this. If the OP is in a lot of pain it's really not a good idea for her to be driving anyway.

She knew the OP was in pain and had said she would struggle to get the cake to her, she should have arranged someone to pick it up if it was that important.OPs condition is unpredictable and she couldn't have known she would be ill.

OP, perhaps your mistake in this was to bow to the guilt trip. Maybe you should have just apologised and let your friend pick up another cake from the shop as an hour before the party it was probably pretty stressful to hear that the cake wouldn't be there.

I don't think YABU but I can see how your friend is upset.

Are you charging for the cake OP or was it a gift/favour?

Original poster
hopingforamiracle · 23/02/2015 15:46

The cake was a gift. Didn't really want to do it after the last cake mishap and her ungrateful attitude. But she nagged and I agreed. Her sense of entitlement is shocking and I just don't want to deal with her anymore.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 23/02/2015 15:49

I can see both sides. If I was having a party and promised child a particular cake I would be very annoyed if I was let down on the day. But if your sick, your sick.

Piratesloveunderpants · 23/02/2015 15:50

Last cake mishap? Sounds like you've had your fingers burned before (he he he....a baking joke!!!) seriously though, you should have told her no. That way she couldn't be mad at you and she'd have just bought her own cake.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2015 15:52

Why is it all so last minute?

Surely the cake should have been made days or even weeks ago?

Gen35 · 23/02/2015 15:58

Your friend is being u although I think it's a lesson for you not to exert yourself for ungrateful people. She should have offered to come and get the cake at least...

BuzzardBird · 23/02/2015 16:03

I do empathise with the pain but you would know you were going to be in pain today and could have made alternate plans. I would be very pissed off to find out I had no cake an hour before the party. Kids parties are by no way a relaxing affair and a 3yr old will be really upset to have no candles to blow out.

Hope your pain is so over.Thanks

Sparkletastic · 23/02/2015 16:03

Don't think you should commit to things like this if your health condition means you might not be able to do it. Bit late this time but just apologise and say you won't be making any future cakes.

OhFlippityBolax · 23/02/2015 16:06

Why are you making the cake today? Why didn't you do it at the weekend or last week? Yabu sorry.

BolshierAyraStark · 23/02/2015 16:09

Bit unorganised to be making thr cake on the day surely?

Appreciate you're in a lot of pain but can also see your friends pov-dissapointed 3 year olds aren't good.

Littlef00t · 23/02/2015 16:11

Well she won't nag for one again so at least you won't have that again. She does sound very entitled but from the perspective of a 3yo its not a birthday without a cake so I can imagine with an hour to go she struggled to see solutions that would mean there was a cake for the birthday.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2015 16:11

Didn't you have a similar problem making a last minute cake for your SIL recently?

Charitybelle · 23/02/2015 16:21

YANBU to be ill and not be able to do the cake. YABU not to be clear with your friend as early as possible that you couldn't do it and stick to that. All this last minute faffing would have fucked me off too. As for posters saying she could just pop out and get a cake, how do you know she can? Do you know if she drives? How many kids she has in her care and if they can be taken/left with someone. Would she have to take the birthday child round tescos to buy their own last minute cake? What if she gets early arrivers to the party, she doesn't want them to arrive to an empty house! It's a bit shit really. Lesson learnt for next time, know your own limits and be clear with people.

PtolemysNeedle · 23/02/2015 16:29

I can understand your friend being angry at being let down over her three year olds birthday cake at the last minute.

You were either capable of doing it or you weren't. If you weren't capable then that's that, but if you are capable, even though it's a struggle, then you have to get with it. You can't expect to be all wishy washy and say you might/can't/will/won't in the way you seem to have done and then expect the person on the receiving end not to be angry when they have a young child's party to get ready for.

BackforGood · 23/02/2015 16:33

YABU to give her such little notice.
If you are a cake maker of such talents that you make for other people, then I'd have thought you wouldn't just be thinking about bunging something in the oven when you got up this morning - surely it would have been made before now? I can understand her being stressed and therefore angry at the idea of suddenly not having a cake, an hour before the party. Yes,, we know in the whole of life this isn't a tragedy, but it would be pretty damn annoying to be let down when you are already a bit tense about hosting a party.
I don't know much about your condition, but perhaps if it is something that comes on suddenly without warning and leaves you too crippled to do things, then agreeing to help people by making them a cake isn't a good plan for the future? Or at least not without a warning that you have this condition and could be struck down without notice, leaving them cake-less at the last minute?

theendoftheendoftheend · 23/02/2015 16:35

Ffs it's a cake if that's enough to ruin the kids birthday she sounds like a brat you'd already told your 'friend' you were unwell onus is on her to have a back up plan. She sounds like a pain in the arse.

needaholidaynow · 23/02/2015 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/02/2015 16:40

Why not just bung the cake in a taxi?