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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? So fed up

114 replies

hopingforamiracle · 23/02/2015 14:52

I'm sick of trying to please everyone. I have endometriosis and I'm in a lot of pain today. I was supposed to be doing a birthday cake for my friends daughter's 3rd birthday. I let my friend know I may not be able to bring the cake as I'm unwell, she was angry and said she'd pick one up, tried to make me feel guilty etc. I said no worries, I'll just bring it up later. I've just finished the cake while being doubled over in pain and had to tell me friend I'm really sorry but I can't drop the cake off. The party is in an hour and my friend is really angry, trying to make me feel guilty. I've apologised and she knows about my health issue but all she cares about is that her daughter hasn't got a birthday cake for her party. I told her I was going to bring it up tonight anyway but that's not good enough. AIBU?

OP posts:

RB68 · 23/02/2015 22:11

Frankly a friend would have collected it in the first place if d it for a favour for her and she knew your issues - or at least have been prepared for that. The cake was done and ready per OP so it was only delivery an issue, with end you don't always know when its going to be an issue - like any illness. Its not like it arrives on day 28, some mths it can be better than others - you have no way of knowing. Perhaps the friend should have allowed for this before nagging and pestering or at least been prepared to say - I can come and collect. At 3 they hardly know whats going on so as someone already said so long as its cake and there are candles it will work. She should just turn it into the family cake

PiranhaBrothers · 23/02/2015 22:18

So what happened to the cake in the end?

Did it reach the party destination or is it still sitting, glowering at its maker

PiranhaBrothers · 23/02/2015 22:27

One more question ....

Is this person your friend or is she actually your SIL?

Original poster

hopingforamiracle · 23/02/2015 22:29

Both. Well, she was.

OP posts:

Ilovemybedbaby · 23/02/2015 22:43

God knows if this is reverse or not but I've had 3 op's due to endo and its horrendous, but I also don't understand the going to all the trouble of making the cake in first place if your ill, I understand endo believe me,sometimes I can't get off the bathroom floor! But if u promise something for a kid ya know

PiranhaBrothers · 23/02/2015 22:45

But what about the cake OP, where is that now?

More importantly, what flavour is it and is it a Frozen themed cake?

CrispyFern · 23/02/2015 22:46

Don't bite off more than you can chew in future.

Also, think about giving more notice if you're going to drop a mate into the shit. One hour pre-party isn't the time to text to say you're too unwell to provide the cake.

The night before, fine, people get ill.
One hour before? Very thoughtless, and it must be really causing her stress. I'd be pissed off.

maddening · 23/02/2015 22:53

Yanbu - you gave her a more than an hours notice - she stomped like a toddler till you dragged yourself up to finish it then couldn't have the empathy and appreciation to sort picking it up from you - she is not a friend

VeryStressedMum · 23/02/2015 23:22

So this friend is your SIL? So...The child is your niece?

emotionsecho · 24/02/2015 02:10

Could you just confirm that you did complete the cake, OP?

I'd I've sent it in a taxi if I'd gone to the trouble and suffered/struggled to complete it, advised her it was en route and that she would have to settle the bill for the taxi.

my2centsis · 24/02/2015 03:47

First off I have endo and you have my sincere sympathies....

BUT I'm sorry you are completely UR a 3yr olds party centres a lot around the cake! You have left a mother of young children an hour out from the party having to try and get a new one.

I think it's rude and the fact that you have had ALOT of posters saying YABU yet every time you comment it's bad mouthing her trying to justify you being rude.

From now on when you get asked to make a cake say no due to all the drama previously! It sounds to me like you like being centre of attention making these cakes and everyone thinking your so kind ect but when it comes down to it you actually don't want to.

Hope you feel better

perpetua72 · 24/02/2015 07:04

YABU. Your fault for leaving it all till the last minute.

OP, if you have a long term condition or something that's likely to flare up and leave you in this position (I do, so I know what I'm talking about here) you do NOT leave things until the last minute. You do them in advance when you're capable of doing them. Why didn't you make this cake days ago?
I'm not surprised your friend is angry, you've let her down horribly.

realgonekid84 · 24/02/2015 07:10

yanbu op. She should have got a cake from shop when you 1st said you were ill.

realgonekid84 · 24/02/2015 07:18

Sil should not have got angry with op when ill. She should have nicely said don't worry I will pop to Asda and get one. Than op wouldn't have had to let her down at the last minute. Although I accept maybe shd could have done taxi thing but it is easy to be wise after the event.

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