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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? So fed up

114 replies

hopingforamiracle · 23/02/2015 14:52

I'm sick of trying to please everyone. I have endometriosis and I'm in a lot of pain today. I was supposed to be doing a birthday cake for my friends daughter's 3rd birthday. I let my friend know I may not be able to bring the cake as I'm unwell, she was angry and said she'd pick one up, tried to make me feel guilty etc. I said no worries, I'll just bring it up later. I've just finished the cake while being doubled over in pain and had to tell me friend I'm really sorry but I can't drop the cake off. The party is in an hour and my friend is really angry, trying to make me feel guilty. I've apologised and she knows about my health issue but all she cares about is that her daughter hasn't got a birthday cake for her party. I told her I was going to bring it up tonight anyway but that's not good enough. AIBU?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 23/02/2015 16:45

So when your friend initially responded in a reasonable way and said she'd pick up a cake, why did you tell her not to? What did the friend say to try and guilt trip you?

PtolemysNeedle · 23/02/2015 16:47

Yes theendof, a three year old that gets upset at not having the birthday cake they were promised an hour before their birthday is a brat.

That makes sense.

Hmm
lunar1 · 23/02/2015 16:51

It sounds like you both like the drama, why would she nag you if it went wrong last time? Why would you leave it so last minute if you knew there might be a problem?

chocolateorsalad · 23/02/2015 16:58

YABU. You've messed your friend about. You've left it until the day to make the cake, telling her that you may not be able to bring it today - the day she needs it! You should have said a firm no so she could arrange a plan B. She responds saying she'll pick one up, but you tell her not to. You then mess her about again by making the cake then telling her you can't bring it an hour before the party has started. So now she's without a cake, because you told her not to get one, and you can't bring the one you've made. And she has an hour until her child's party.

You said the cake was a gift, but a gift shouldn't cause this much hassle for the recipient.

chocolateorsalad · 23/02/2015 16:59

an hour before the party is due to start* I should have said.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/02/2015 16:59

I'd stop making cakes for people.

countessmarkyabitch · 23/02/2015 17:06

I'm sorry you're in pain, but YAB a bit U. You rang and said you might not be able, but when she said she'd get one you said no you'd do it, then you ring an hour before the party and say you can't? I would be thinking, oh ffs, I could have gone and got one, wtf am I to do now with people arriving soon and xyz still to do?

It sounds like you should never have said you would do it in the first place. Chronic pain is a terrible thing and I'm sorry for you, but it doesn't mean no-one can ever let you know that you have let them down.

MythicalKings · 23/02/2015 17:07

Why didn't you put it in a taxi for her?

Poor little 3 yr old. YABVU.

If you were my friend you wouldn't be after letting my child down.

Moominmarvellous · 23/02/2015 17:09

I'd be pissed off for sure, if you choose to have a birthday party they take a lot of organising and the cake is quite a big part of it for little kids. I don't think it necessarily makes them brats if they express disappointment.

It sounds like maybe you have form for this kind of thing, which I understand is out of your hands if you have a condition like endometriosis, but if that is the case, in her mind she might have been giving you the benefit of the doubt and has been let down again so I can understand why she's annoyed.

I had a hairdresser friend who would cancel or rearrange every appointment, all with what would be defined as a good reason (sickness, Childrens sickness, her own health appointments) and it got to the point where I just wanted a haircut, and couldn't be understanding anymore. I now go somewhere else. This sounds a bit like that.

theendoftheendoftheend · 23/02/2015 17:09

I know ptolemy it does.

clam · 23/02/2015 17:11

So, you've gone out of your way to make a lovely cake for her dd's birthday, despite being unwell and in pain, yet instead of being appreciative and thanking you for going above and beyond the call of duty, your 'friend' gets angry and has a go at you?

That's the last cake I'd be doing for her. Or anything else, for that matter.

Hope you feel better soon.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/02/2015 17:13

Except that the lovely cake is not much use to the OP's friend when it is still in the OP's house and is t going to make it in time for the party, clam.

clam · 23/02/2015 17:16

Well it might, if the friend came to collect it.

charlestonchaplin · 23/02/2015 17:17

Wow, the levels of child worship displayed on this thread!

Heels99 · 23/02/2015 17:17

Stick it in a taxi.
Don't make cakes for people again it is too much stress all round.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/02/2015 17:20

Thinking back to when mine were little, I can't imagine having the time to jump in the car and collect a cake only an hour before the party starts!

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 23/02/2015 17:22

Adding to the chorus of yabu. It's an hour pre party! Shock

Bair · 23/02/2015 17:24

I'd stop offering to make cakes for people as gifts, you spent 10 hours doing one for your SIL and got it thrown back. Doing them as gifts when you're not well adds a lot of pressure. A hobby is great when you're ill, but maybe stick to doing them for more 'popping round for a cuppa and look! Surprise cake!' than big events where emotions are running high.

Your SIL threw a shit fit because you had to change the design last minute and your friend is the same because it's been a last minute thing. Stress makes people act like pricks, no excuse, but not nice for you.

MrsPeterQuill · 23/02/2015 17:26

This sounds very familiar. Have you posted something like this before, possibly about a wedding cake? If so, YABU, it sounds like you have form for this. Stop taking on orders that you might not be able to fulfill.

MrsPeterQuill · 23/02/2015 17:27

*fulfil even.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2015 17:30

It was her SIL's child's birthday cake last time

Same thing, OP wasn't well, made it last minute and had a disaster.

countessmarkyabitch · 23/02/2015 17:35

Its nothing to do with child worship at all, its to do with letting people down at the lost minute.

clam · 23/02/2015 17:37

There might be someone else who could have popped down to collect it?

ashtrayheart · 23/02/2015 17:43

Just read about your last cake related kerfuffle - I would stop making cakes for people if I were you !

theendoftheendoftheend · 23/02/2015 17:47

Yea quite right countess OP's illness and chronic pain sure is selfish! Seriously, the friend know OP suffers, it's so it's the obvious to have a supermarket back up all this hard wringing is ridiculous.