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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be glad I have 2 boys

171 replies

Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 21:56

The lack of respect towards girls in our society is getting worse. I can't believe sending pics of your breasts is now common place for teenage girls. These images are in the majority of cases expected and then shared amongst peers. How has it come to this? I wouldn't even know how to start protecting any daughters I had. Whereas, I think it's easier to instil respect in women in boys than in girls. Can't believe how much times have changed.

OP posts:

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 22:49

ok maybe the sweetie bit was a bit rude lol.
lazaretto as I have boy girl teen twins obviously this is interesting for me, but 'how to help teenage girls; certainly did not seem to be the point of your OP did it?
and talking of 'lazy stereotyping' cricketballs, my dd is not a 'bitch' thanks.

Charlotte3333 · 22/02/2015 22:50

I have two boys (9 & 4) and don't think they're any easier than girls. I think teaching boys to respect women and girls is an incredibly difficult task, and one I had no idea I'd even need to teach until I became a parent.

I work in a school and though there are (wildly generalising here) differences between the way boys/girls play and socialise, I don't think either gender has it tougher than the other. I think as parents you have to work damned hard with whichever gender you get to instil self-respect and self-worth into them and hope beyond hope that you've given them the tools they need to make good choices.

Sagethyme · 22/02/2015 22:50

lazaretto when i read you title i thought wtf, but on reading your opening i think what you mean is as a society we have gone back 30 odd years to where once again women are seen as sex objects rather than intelligent human beings. And that if raising a girl there is a fear she will end up humiliated by social media?
As a parent of both a young boy and girl, i worry about social media as i have a deep distrust of it, as it seems to bring nothing but a great deal of unhappiness to all who use it, i mean look at the comments on here!
All you can do is your best as a parent and hope that teaching all children, regardless of their gender, about being decent and kind human beings, will lead to a better future for us all. Sadly there will always be those who want to dominate and power tends to corrupt. But that is always the way it has been if history tells us one thing, its humans have always fought with each other. Sad but true, and maybe we can raise a new generation where love overcomes all other adversity, and gender is irrelevant.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2015 22:51

Your own Op was in itself an 'extreme viewpoint'.

And reads like a very ill informed one at that.

Olbasaddict · 22/02/2015 22:51

It is always sad to hear women wash their hands off their boys and be so complacent, placing the responsibility of male behaviour towards girls, upon girls and only girls. No wonder between three and four women a week are killed at the hands of men. No wonder 80,000 women a year are raped by men. No wonder a call is made to the police every minute by women being assaulted at the hands of men. So many horrendous boys and men doing untold damage towards girls and women......but yes sure, it is SO much easier to bring them up right! Looks like it.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2015 22:54

semantics semantics....

And would you say that ^^ if everyone on this thread said, "All girls send naked pics to boys who demand them?"

Or would you say, "Hold on a minute, my DD didn't send any?"

Because I'm sure you said upthread that your DD didn't?

Mrsjayy · 22/02/2015 22:55

But you don't want a discussion you stated quite aggressively that young girls were flashing themselves had no respect and you were relieved you had boys fwiw the trend at the moment is cock pictures and my dd has had a few uninvited down the pamts shots message d to her phone maybe the mothers of boys shoul d teach THEM some respect

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 22:57

no worra I dont think I did perhaps you misinterpreted me.

Charlotte3333 · 22/02/2015 23:00

Also, a couple of years ago there was an article in a national paper that looked into this topic and asked if parents taught their sons that no meant no from a very young age, that they couldn't sweet-talk or whine their way into changing Mummy's/Granny's mind, would it have an impact on future generations and the way those boys would treat women in their future relationships.

It really hit home with me that if I raised my boys to think women were weak or could be wheedled into changing their minds, it almost sets a precedent that their own demands will be accommodated by women if they push hard enough.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2015 23:11

SunnyBaudelaire when I pointed out that you were wrong to say "it is the boys that are demanding this stuff off girls."

Because actually it's some boys that demand this, you said "semantics semantics".

It's not semantics at all. It is FACT that not all boys demand this stuff from girls.

Just like it is a fact that not all girls supply this stuff to the boys.

Roussette · 22/02/2015 23:12

My goodness there's some bollocks being spouted on this thread. And I say that as the mother of young adult DD's. There are pressures whatever gender, it's just different pressures, that's all.

Cricketballs - really. I have to disagree with your statement that most girls are bitches, what tosh. My DDs are still in touch with their friendship groups from school, a great lot of girls they were too, I know them all and not a bitch amongst them. That's not just luck and I hate sweeping generalisations like that.

As regards role models, not all girls are brainless sheep, you know. Sleb culture means nothing to my DD's.

They've never sent a boob picture to anyone that I know of, they don't post pouting pictures of themselves on FB (they would find that laughable) and they've been a pleasure to mother, I have no idea what the problem is.

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 23:17

well I did not say or mean 'all boys' did I? any more than cricket meant that all girls are 'bitches' I suppose!

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 23:17

my DD does not send boob pix or have any interest in the Kardashians either roussette.

Roussette · 22/02/2015 23:20

Exactly Sunny. It's all about self respect, and that's what we have to teach our DC's, male or female.

Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 23:22

Obviously an unpopular pov but I feel the same as the op tbh...relieved I have boys.

I've never personally experienced any 'problems' mainly (or generally) related to being a woman.

But the stuff I read about on mn...rape, domestic abuse, struggling single mothers after a man fucks off, problems progressing in the workplace, the difficulty mainly women face between work and childcare...

My children are the most precious thjngs in the World to me. And the fact that they're boys means they're statistically much less likely to have that ^ happen.

So yes...a part of me is glad they're boys.

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 23:24

umm you do know that statistically speaking the group at most danger of attack / mugging / robbery is teenage boys dont you >?

Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 23:26

It's not something I spend a huge amount of time thinking about but yes, I was (if that was aimed at me).

cricketballs · 22/02/2015 23:30

Roussette obviously not all girls are bitches; but I was, 90% of the girls I went to school were, a lot of the girls I have taught/teach are (even the nice ones have their moments) but the main difference I have witnessed.witness is that in the main (not all) boys will be nasty to faces and then forget it whereas most girls are nasty behind backs and let this linger

cricketballs · 22/02/2015 23:30

but you can't disagree about prom costs!

MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 23:35

Well I wasn't a bitch. My daughters aren't either. Saying "All girls are bitches" is just terrible and feeds the expectation that they are.

It's like saying "All boys are violent little shits that pull spider's legs off."

cricketballs · 22/02/2015 23:40

I have not said all girls are bitches but I have stated what my experiences are - are you seriously telling me that you have not been witness to bitchiness from girls/women MrsT?

Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 23:42

I'm a girl...I have sisters, went to school with girls, work with girls..I can't think of any female I know who I could hand on heart say wouldn't ever bitch about another woman. I can think of a few men though that genuinely have no interest in competitive bitching about their peers.

Maybe just coincidence? my arse

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 23:44

so what are you saying chessie? that therefore they deserve what they get? or what?

SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 23:46

and can we just stop with the 'bitch' thing - in every other European language it means whore, coincidence I think not,.

Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 23:47

so what are you saying chessie? that therefore they deserve what they get? or what?

Er...what? I genuinely can't see the link between that comment and anything I've posted?

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