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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be glad I have 2 boys

171 replies

Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 21:56

The lack of respect towards girls in our society is getting worse. I can't believe sending pics of your breasts is now common place for teenage girls. These images are in the majority of cases expected and then shared amongst peers. How has it come to this? I wouldn't even know how to start protecting any daughters I had. Whereas, I think it's easier to instil respect in women in boys than in girls. Can't believe how much times have changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:08

I'm not goading. I was once a teenage girl and no one could tell me how to behave as I would do as I liked. I'm not slating girls. I'm trying to discuss how we help the current situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:09

Ok...I'm missing something. What?

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 22:09

OP you're not trying to discuss anything. You're saying you're glad you've got boys as girls can expect a shit time of it.

How fucking dreadful is that!?

wigglesrock · 22/02/2015 22:09

Well to be honest with your attitude and already formed opinions of young women I'm not really sure you could help.

paddlenorapaddle · 22/02/2015 22:10

YABU

This is not a boy/girl issue but an issue about how we sexualise our children both boys and girls are equally at risk

Children get their attitudes from their parents the sex of said child is irrelevant

ScotsWhaHae · 22/02/2015 22:10

having changed, don't kid yourself
I'm only 30, I've witnessed and been party to enough of that shit.

I'm relieved that I have boys and don't have to guide a girl through it all.

I will raise respectful boys, I know they aren't easier.

MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 22:11

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Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:12

I'm purely saying societal influences are incredibly strong towards girls as there are so many expectations. There is less societal pressure on boys to behave in a certain way towards girls.

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 22:12

Scots so you don't see yourself guiding your boys through it all? You will just sit back and if they take part in things which you wouldn;t like "your girls" if you had any to go through....but you need not worry as you have boys who are less likely to be a victim?

So you're not guiding your boys at all?

Missjolly · 22/02/2015 22:13

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Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:14

For gods sake. I am a real poster. I she an opinion that society is more pressurised and harsh on girls with respect to their dignity and protection. What is wrong with that?

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 22:14

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ScotsWhaHae · 22/02/2015 22:14

The abuse, the male privilege, the disrespect and the vulnerability. The expectations society have for our girls, the princess shit, the career v child turmoil and the patriarchal society.

I'm not turning my back on girls. I will continue to fight and shout for change and make sure my boys do to. It's just easier to be male in this society.

If that isn't true then what's feminism about?

Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:15

I agree, my boys respect women but they also respect themselves as society enables it much more than girls respecting themselves.

OP posts:
ElsaLitcha · 22/02/2015 22:15

Oh dear. Your poor lads, OP.

hmc · 22/02/2015 22:15

"I can't believe sending pics of your breasts is now common place for teenagers"

Is it? And where precisely do you get this information from?

MrsTawdry · 22/02/2015 22:15

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ScotsWhaHae · 22/02/2015 22:16

Mrs tawdry I mentioned ensuring my boys were brought up respectful, feminist boys. That was in my first post. I'm just relieved that they are one step removed.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2015 22:16

I posted on your recent thread along the lines of 'I've got two boys why do people ask if I want a daughter?' or similar....

Did you secretly want a girl but would never tell Wink

cunexttuesonline · 22/02/2015 22:17

I think I get what Scots is saying, I often wish I was a man Grin especially just now when I am pregnant.

Unfortunately, I think it is still a man's world out there, but things are slowly improving in workplaces etc. I work in a male dominated environment and things haven't moved on that much but the younger guys are I think more respectful towards women which is great. I will bring my sons up to believe that men and women are equals and teach them how to look after themselves

Original poster
Lazaretto · 22/02/2015 22:17

Don't swear at me. I know plenty of men who respect women. I also know plenty of women who respect themselves. However, times have changed and it seems young girls are under much more pressure to risk their self respect for approval than boys are.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 22/02/2015 22:17

" the patriarchal society."
in fact I would argue that in fact we are living under a matriarchal society.

ScotsWhaHae · 22/02/2015 22:18

Boys won't have to sit on a bus watching a man become visibly aroused looking at a picture of an idealised version of what they are meant to be in a newspaper that is on sale in every shop

WyrdByrd · 22/02/2015 22:18

There are huge pressures on both sexes these days - they may be different but I'm not sure that they are more or less.

I think we need to teach our children about respecting themselves and others as human beings and individuals, not based on what's between their legs.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2015 22:19

I have 3 boys and it doesn't mean I only have to deal with 'half the shit'.

What me and my DH deal with, is bringing our boys up to respect themselves and everyone around them, regardless of their sex/gender.

To try and teach them not to bow to peer pressure and to remember that every single photo they send digitally (whether rude or not), means that they completely lose ownership of it.

We also try to teach them not to judge or join in with the gawping/ridicule of anyone who does make a wrong judgement call, meaning their photos (whether rude or not) get passed about against their will.

I was proud or my (then) 14yr old when he went to his head of year and told her that both boys and girls were passing round a topless photo, of someone in their year group.

I was even prouder of him when he sat up half the night comforting her on Skype, telling her that just because she made a wrong judgement call, it doesn't mean her life is over and that she's not a decent person. She eventually realised this and with the help of her other friends, she managed to get over massive embarrassment/ridicule.

I was just as proud when he spent hours talking to his friend who got beaten up in town, the assault videoed and passed around Facebook and Youtube for all to see.

So actually, the fact I have 3 boys and no girls means fuck all when you put it into context. I really don't envy being a kid/teenager today. At least I didn't have to worry about mistakes/embarrassment going viral.

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