AIBU to consider having a 3rd child as a single mum?

[PastaDecor]

I have two DCs aged 5 and 2 both of which were conceived via sperm donor (but privately at low cost, not via an expensive clinic).

I'm nearing 40 and have huge urges to have a 3rd child.

I quite enjoyed pregnancy (a pre-existing anxiety disorder that got a bit worse notwithstanding), birth no.1 was very hard but birth no.2 OK. I do
go through periods of both poverty and stress as a single mum, but overall, mothering is what I feel really good at.

I work nearly F/T in a flexible IT-based job from home and whilst I do not at all make a lot of money, I get by and could manage with 3, to be honest I don't think it would be that much different financially than 2 at least until university age! I have worked out I could afford 7-8 months maternity leave which is what I had before before paying a nursery or childminder.

The other part of me thinks: look at all the stats for age 35+ mums, increased risk of Down's and how would I cope with that (again, my positive spirit thinks I would cope - somehow) or multiple births etc. I've been very lucky to fall pregnant very quickly in the past but it might be different now, and having a disabled child or twins might be too much to handle.

I don't really have a lot of "support" in that I have NO family around, but I've got friends I can call on if needed and DC1 is in school with DC2 heading for pre-school soon.

Am I mad? Should I strictly tell myself "no"? Or does anyone empathize and think I could (even should) do it?

Well, it's unfortunate that people in the rich west don't consider the rest of the world.

Elsa I have a friend who is an only because her parents were worried about the world's over population. She is 65. When I told them I was pg with dc3 they told me off for being irresponsible. Old school environmentalists.

Thanks for the new comments, I am still wavering and in the undecided camp! Not sure what it's gonna take to make me decide one way or another!

I have very little time for people who want to limit the number of children people have for environmental reasons, like the Chinese one-child policy. There are plenty of ways we can deal with overpopulation without banning having more children!

I also know a family where no.3 was twins, the odds do increase with age so that maybe explains it as it seems often to be child no.3. That doesn't really put me off, I would positively love to have twins.

Main worries remain finances partly because I just have no idea how much things will cost - and adequate support particularly if something was up in pregnancy / around the birth. I'm a bit surprised to hear someone up thread describing poverty as an embarassment as a teenager, I find that a bit sad, I expect her parents did their best and must have been a bit mortified by her embarrassment. I too worked a part-time job from around age 14 but that was OK, it probably gave me a lot actually in terms of confidence in the world of work, different friends, a bit of pocket money for my first pair of Doc Martens etc. When I say poverty I am not talking about one can of baked beans and no heating, as I said up-thread, it means things like local holidays, one or two outfits besides school uniform per child etc. I don't really think low income should be the reason to stop me, particularly as I'm lucky and have prospects of highering my income whenever all DCs would be in school (qualifications, niche market).

Raising my income I mean

From your description of your life, it doesn't sound like this would be an easy thing to do, you will be making your life harder and limiting the options (both due to time and financial constraints) of your existing dc.

It's a head vs heart choice really!

It's hard to accept the baby stage is over if you've enjoyed it.

Wow, I honestly never realised people made such massive life decisions based on that kind of thing. What a shame!