Worst wedding I went to was an Arab wedding in the middle east. I didn't really know anyone as DH had worked with the B&G out there and I had never actually met them or anyone else there - so I'd really just tagged along for the week's holiday was had organised around the day.
Groom was English, bride was Middle Eastern.
Ceremony starts at bride's house at 10am. Women and men are split up as per tradition. House is fairly big, but guestlist is huge, so we're all crammed into the side room for a while. Half the guests are Arabic and don't speak English, and there are only about 6 English women, including Groom's mum, sister and aunt. After about an hour, dates are offered round. I hate dates so I politely decline.
Half an hour later, we are allowed into the main room for the religious ceremony. Bride is wearing a bueatiful red dress with lace, diamonds, rubies and bling everywhere. She looks amazing. Groom wears an English mourning suit. Lovely bling Arab decorations, but after 1.5 hours of boredom I am ready to leave. ceremony lasts an hour and we are allowed outside. No drinks are offered, nor is any more food.
A Palstinian dance troupe then appears, dances 5 dances (all of which we politely clap for whilst the Arab guests get very very excitable). We are all the while being filmed by what look like massive tv cameras, but we later found out to be just wedding videoers. It's 30 degrees outside and we're there for about an hour.
Finally, cars arrive and we pile in to go to the reception. The drive is about 20 minutes, but takes about an hour because the cars drive at 10mph honking their horns and making as much noise as possible. They even block all 3 lanes of the motorway, causing massive arguments with other drivers. This is tradition, but after so long being bored and hot and hungry and thirsty, I am disinterested.
We arrive at the reception hotel - massive, blingy, posh place, which looks amazing. we all crowd in, the English people looking particularly hopeful of a drink and some food. We are then informed that the wedding is dry, so no alcohol can be served anywhere other than the hotel's main bar, but that's ok because the bride needs to change and then the wedding party and Arab family will be having 2 hours of photos because anyone can even enter the room for the reception.
Cue all English people almost running to the bar and ordering jagerbombs to take the edge off. We also ordered some snacks, but not full meals as we were told food would be served with the reception.
3 hours later (not 2), we are told that the reception is open. It's now around 6pm. room looks amazing, it has a dj in one corner, sit down tables everywhere and thrones in the middle for the B&G. Everyone finds their seats and sits down hopefully. they'd split the English and Arab guests so conversation was flowing. We look across the room and notice that there are waiters at the Arab tables - none at the English tables. About half an hour later we start flagging them down to order soft drinks as they show no desire to serve us.
More waiting follows. Then the B&G enter. bride now wearing a beautiful white western wedding dress. Then the music starts. they do their first dance. Everyone is then encouraged to get up and start dancing to full on dance numbers. English people look at each other with horror - we're sober, hungry and have been hanging round for hours. But we dance. Cameras continue to film.
Dancing lasts 2 hours. A slideshow of the B&G as kids then appears on huge screens around the room. It last about 20 minutes. We watch politely, oohing and aahing for the cameras where required. Cake then comes out and is cut ceremonially. Then the music starts again and dancing is again encouraged.
At this point everyone is confused re food. We are at sit down tables with bread on - all bread has been eaten - but no sign of food. Food was finally served at TEN THIRTY PM. I kid you not. 10.30pm. It was a huge world buffet - amazing food and so much of it, but by this point I was knackered, bored and ready to leave.
At 11.30 the dancing starts again and we are informed that weddings there usually go on til 4am. This is too much for me. At 1am, DH and I politely take our leave and spend 20 minutes trying to find a taxi back to our hotel.
The memories alone are making me hungry...