To think that weddings are purgatory

[DameEdnasBridesmaid]

Especially civil ones, over in 15 mins and the worst part, hanging around waiting for the wedding breakfast. 3 hours yesterday between the ceremony and the breakfast. Total boredom and it was bloody freezing. I knew a total of 5 people and that includes DH.

It seems massively self indulgent of people to think that other people actually want to go to these over rated affairs.

Feebeecat, lavish affairs definitely are much better when everything is thought of, such as the one you describe. The problem is that they are much more expensive and people seem to want the appearance of a posh wedding without paying out extra for the little things that actually make it more comfortable for the guests. Personally I think that's where most people go wrong. Either have a less formal wedding somewhere cheaper and pay out for the extras like drinks for everyone and nibbles during photo waits, and kids' entertainer etc or have it somewhere posher and don't cut corners. If you have less well-off relatives they really shouldn't have to struggle financially to attend someone's wedding at a posh venue and then stump up even more on expensive hotel-priced drinks and food while they're waiting for Lord & Lady Bridezilla to float about having photos taken for an hour and a half.

You think 3 hours is bad... I went to one a couple of years back, where they got married around 10 am... reception didn't start for several hours and they didn't cut the cake til about 9PM. And you couldn't really sneak away from the reception til that bit had happened. Some guests had rooms in the hotel where reception was and slipped off and had several hours' nap in the middle of the day. It was such an ordeal. I was exhausted. Think we were the first to leave around 11 PM - 13 hour wedding. Nightmare.

Always prefer a civil one though, the hypocrisy of traditional church ones when you know the couple aren't religious, combined with the uncomfortable seating and the priest using it as an opportunity to harangue a captive audience, the fact religious ones go on so long ... I went to a Catholic one where the bride and groom were and very vocally intended to remain Child Freeby Choice, but they vowed to "welcome children gladly" aamong other things as part of their wedding vows - clearly they didn't mean it, which made a mockery of the whole solumn thing IMO. ..

The thing I truly hate is being seated with people you don't know at a formal sit down though - my worst wedding experience was the above mentioned Catholic one, which I was a plus one at but "named" on the invite as I did know the couple relatively well, though they were both very old friends of my then boyfriend.He was best man and seated on the main table, and I wwas seated with several older couples who knew one another. It was dire - and all the other classic wedding "sins" had been committed in the course of the day too, especially the hours of waiting about hungry and long distance between church and reception.

I'm trying to have the opposite of the "big wedding" - our ideal is him, me , my 2 kids and 2 witnesses. Which is what we worked out we wanted, no fuss and parties etc. We were going to compromise what we wanted by having a sit down meal with his famly (just parents, sister, nephew) afterwards to "celebrate"

we decided it was more respectful to tell them in advance.
We want to do it before this baby is born (I'm 33 weeks).

So now his mother's phoned to cry at him about it, and "we should be part of your big day", she's 'suggested' that they be our witnesses (so what about me, do I not get to have anyone who's actually there for me?), tried to make me feel bad by asking how I'd feel if my son said he didn't want me at his wedding (TBH unless it was specifically ME rather than "not anyone" I'd be all for it and offer to help him organise and pay!).. meanwhile his sister has informed him that they ARE going to be there no matter what we say and isn't listening that we aren't paying for a bigger room at the registry office (the smaller one only allows 6 people including the couple, and like hell are not having the kids there to let her and her kid in!)

And I haven't even told my family yet :-\ I think my mother will understand, she hasn't come near us since a year before the youngest was born and she hates fuss and feels awkward at parties etc too.

My brother will be peed off, but will accept it because he knows I hate fuss and parties.

So does my fiance, but his family don't seem to understand that.

And I've already had to tell one friend that it's pointless for her to turn up anyway as she won't be allowed in and it's a long journey to stand outside a registry office then go home...

I wish we had just eloped now tbh. They don't seem to grasp that we were telling not asking for permission or suggestions!

Honestly, we see it as "doing the legal stuff to get our relationship recognised in law" and would rather just do it and carry on as normal afterwards. They would rather have us forced into a big deal we don't want and have me spend the day in panic attacks, and him glaring at everyone, wishing they'd all go away, and worrying about whether I'll get through without the stress causing problems with the pregnancy.

It seems they'd rather him marry someone else, who'd go bridezilla rather than let us get married because we love each other and just want to be left alone for the day!

In short, you can't bloody win no matter which type you are!

I love weddings!!

Long photo sessions are the worst. I remember at my cousin's wedding, I was bridesmaid and spent 3 hours freezing. Ate strawberries dipped in chocolate at 9am, and didn't eat again until 4pm. I thought I was going to faint/throw up. It was horrid.

Kept it in mind at my own wedding. Our ceremony began at 2.30pm, and by 5pm everybody was sitting comfortably at the reception venue, with massive plates of fish and chips, unlimited free booze, desserts, then a cold buffet at about 9pm.

My parents brought me up with iron clad rules on entertaining. You feed your guests until they burst, you oil them up with good wine, and you make sure they are warm. I think this applies especially in a wedding, because let's face it, nobody except the happy couple and immediate family give that much of a shit, plus there's a good chance they'll be divorced and doing it all again in 10 years time

It worked for us, people still go on about our wedding. When my younger cousin got married, the wedding cost about 25k and was very elegant and fancy. My aunt kept suggesting they made it a little more 'like Roseleaf and DH's'

We usually politely turn down invitations to weddings because we hate them so much. If it is a closeish member of DH's family we go, or people we really really like. Otherwise I think it is polite to say no and then the couple don't waste their money and limited places on people who are going but don't really want to.

I just don't like all the standing around and the fuss. I tend to think they are a waste of money as well (not my money I know but I do).

We went to a huge one-cousin of DH's- at a hotel in rural Cambridgeshire- and the gap between the wedding and the food was 4 hrs. DH had a bad headache at the end of the ceremony so we sneaked off to our room, stripped off and put bathrobes on, pulled the curtains and he slept and I sat on the settee with a cup of tea and watched TV for 2 hours then we got dressed and went back down. No one had noticed. We had a lovely rest of the day.

I love weddings. But then I have never been to one where I have had to wait hours for food etc! The one I liked least was my BILs wedding where DH was best man and I had to sit at a different table and supervise the kids who were quite young (I am not a fan of small children at wed
dings but as nephew and niece they could hardly not come!)

We got married ourselves at 3pm (Full catholic mass) but our guests were eating their dinner at 5:30pm. The photographer was pissed off because we refused to spend hours leaving our guests to go to the local park for endless soft focus photos! Our friends and rate our wedding as one of their top 5, it is still talked about nearly 30 years on!

And also, we were poor as fuck when we got married not much has improved but I look back at the photographs (random snaps taken throughout the day, as a wedding present by amateur photographer friend) and everything was so second hand (including my dress) and low key. Lots of people would probably look down their nose at my wedding, but I still get a warm feeling in my tummy just thinking about it. We had all our closest family and friends, nobody had to go out of their way travel wise, or put their hand in their pocket the whole day (we didn't ask for gifts either) but the main thing you notice is that everyone looks genuinely happy and relaxed. It was a gorgeous day, it cost very little, and I wouldn't change it for the world

Curly (may I call you that?!)
I agree, first one really was the poshest (and most expensive) wedding I have been to - they came from poorer beginnings though & a lot of family would definitely have struggled to make it, hence they thought of everything & took care of it, no fuss, just dealt with.
I have to say I dont understand the 'need' for posh weddings, I guess it's easy to get swept away with it all, but it doesn't make sense to me - would rather a bit of comfort & convenience, maybe I was just old before my time.

Just remembered sils last wedding, registry office, 9am. Reception at local hotel, 5pm Seem to recall going back to mil house & she sent dh & I to local tip as she had forgotten to put binbags out & didn't want them hanging around all week. And obviously that needed to be done in middle of her daughters wedding. Which was also dh's birthday. Actually, I've been to some really odd weddings

My wedding was awesome for guests.

48 people. Almost all people of the same age (30s), as DH and I have very little family, so no one sat next to great aunt Bertha for the duration.

Civil ceremony at 5pm in central London boutique hotel. 90% were Londoners, so people just got the tube to us, so no big expense.

Drinks after and then straight to dinner. We had twenty minutes of photos (family friend did it. I don't think even twenty minutes actually)

Then speeches and dancing.

When it finished, everyone went upstairs to the bar to carry on the party. No falling around messy drunks, no drama, just lots of laughs, fabulous food and setting and loads of love! We have been told numerous times that our guests want a similar wedding to ours.

Minimal stress for me. DH and I woke up the next morning, had a gorgeous breakfast with those that had stayed over at the hotel, and then we headed off on our honeymoon.

DH and I frequently talk about how much we loved it. Goodness, I want to do it all again!

Oh and we picked up the tab for everything. I guess that also added to the happiness of our guests!

I have to say I have enjoyed every wedding we have been to, in all their various glory. But the traditional thing is just not what DP and I are all about, hence the very informal relaxed feel.

Stella, we do have a wet weather option which involves using the indoor space, though I'm trying not to think about it - the sun will shine! In the event though the guests will have to muck in to set out chairs for the ceremony then help set the tables up after - I have a number of hefty young nephews who will help.
As for the gardens, they have a number of gazebos and patio type furniture, I was also going to lay out a few picnic rugs and cushions, mostly for the many babies and kids. Throw some garden games, space Hoppers and balloons around - jobs a good 'un!

As for seeking approval, I'm a people pleaser, and am riddled with self doubt. MN is my best asset and worst downfall!

I do not like weddings. I hate the rampant sexism. I do not like the formality. I resent having to travel to the middle of nowhere as I don't have a car. When I got married we chose a place with good transport links, had an informal lunch so people could leave when they wanted to and sit where they wanted to, and none of that sexist nonsense such as being given away.

I am a soppy romantic so I love wedding ceremonies. The gap for photos drives me up the wall though. We made sure that we only had half an hour for photos after the ceremony (there were reception drinks to keep people occupied) and then we moved straight onto food and dancing. People said it was the best wedding they had been to and I think that was because they didn't have to hang around. Having done it at other weddings I wasn't going to inflict it on my guests! Oh and there was a free bar,that seemed to make people v happy

I have loathed every wedding I have ever been to apart from my own (£20 wedding dress, sarnies in our bedsit and barrel o booze afterwards and you wouldn't beleve the number of people who came up to us during and after and still 30 years on, saying it was the best wedding they ever went to!)

Oh and my best mate's civil ceremony which was her, her partner and just me and my husband. It was a genuine, happy, lovely, special day.

During the big expensive wedding, we were seated with some friends (as well as some pratty, snobby friends of the groom, rugby buggers from a private school so minor it was practically someone's living room). And our friends were saying the whole reception what a waste of money all the ostentation was, and how happy they'd been at their register office/pie n peas in the park do. And same with us with our under-£100-register office job. Not an inverse snobbery just - fact. People relax and have fun at informal weddings. At formal ones only the bride and maybe her mum enjoy it.

I did feel sorry for my relative who laid out literally thousands of pounds for an afternoon and evening hotel do, for the guests to be sitting there and saying their 50p weddings were better (and meaning it).

It is only British weddings which are self indulgent bollocks. When I see a photo of bride and groom standing about a mile in front of a stately home, I always feel sorry for the guests who must have waited hours to be fed while that nonsense was going on.

Oh the ones with the old fashioned cars are the worst! It's so bizarre. I would feel mortified to have one of those in my album.

I would say I feel sorry for the vicar who only gets any bugger to church now for weddings and funerals. Only I know in this case he was charging best part of £1000 for what was 20 minutes' work. And 19 minutes of that was him begging for money. Also bride came from a really rough little town so chose to get married in the village where I grew up but she had zero connection. Because the church is stunning. She hasn't gone to church once, since that day. I hate the hypocrisy of it - picking a pretty church for the photos. I am a lifelong atheist but loathe the hypocrisy and cant of people who think 'Jesus' is a cocktail, saying words of a dead religion they don't believe just so it will look posher in photos. Only churchgoers should be allowed to wed in a church but of course, the C of E would make no money and it does seem cynical, the way they milk it.

I used to enjoy weddings until the one we went to last year.

They got married in a church (although they aren't religious), and her dress was that big she could barely fit down the aisle, then on to a working mans club where my shoes were nearly suck off my feet by the minging sticky carpet. Three hours sat in a manky bar went by until the bride and groom arrived by which time a load of the guests were pissed. We went through to the function hall hovel and were served tepid chicken with congealed gravy which I managed to wrap up and hide in my handbag before feigning illness and leaving. We ended up having a rather nice meal at a little Italian on the way home. Unfortunately the sister of the bride is getting married this year and we're invited. I'm thinking of booking a holiday over the date of the wedding to avoid it and the family concerned.

wind chime aren't American weddings at least as bad? They have "rehearsal dinners" all my knowledge of American weddings is based on Friends and a few films

I hate weddings but love a good Christening. They always seem so much more relaxed and friendly.

I'm enduring hearing a workmates preparations for her wedding. I sincerely want to have an fab day an all but heartily sick of hearing about it. Of course I say nothing as I don't want to hurt her feelings...at least I can moan about here! And I'm not invited so that's good too.

Not all weddings are like that.

Our wedding was amazing, only our nearest and dearest there.

I've been to weddings where I've been really bored and spent half the day starving and looking at my watch wondering what time we're going to be eating.

I made sure nobody was ever hungry, bored or without a drink at any point through the whole day, we could afford to do that cos it was such a small wedding.

Everybody who was there (just immediate family and very close friends) says it was the best wedding they have ever been to.

YANBU to not enjoy the wedding

YABU to think that all weddings are the same.