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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that weddings are purgatory

179 replies

DameEdnasBridesmaid · 22/02/2015 08:13

Especially civil ones, over in 15 mins and the worst part, hanging around waiting for the wedding breakfast. 3 hours yesterday between the ceremony and the breakfast. Total boredom and it was bloody freezing. I knew a total of 5 people and that includes DH.

It seems massively self indulgent of people to think that other people actually want to go to these over rated affairs.

OP posts:
AuntieDee · 22/02/2015 08:58

Am I the only one that loves the social side of weddings?

BictoriaVeckham · 22/02/2015 08:59

It goes wrong when the happy couple forget that and start to think more about how it will look in photographs than how the people on the day (including themselves) will experience it.

Gnome that's exactly where it goes wrong and I'm doing my best not to worry about that (we're not even having a professional photographer because I have seen so many brides and grooms be bossed about by them on the day)

My priority is first marrying DP, and second that everyone who attends enjoys their day without being critical. Yet sooo many people are critical about weddings.

It's like there are different rules but I don't know what they are. The whole traditional wedding thing is bollocks to me so I keep making decisions that go against the 'norm'.

BeeInYourBonnet · 22/02/2015 09:01

I got married at noon, and we ate at 2pm. It was DHs only stipulation. Hanging around for HOURS of photos is tedious beyond belief. And when it all gets so delayed that the people who arrive at 7 for the evening do end up hanging around in the hotel foyer for hours because the poor sods who've been there all day don't sit down for their meal until 6pm - crazy!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 22/02/2015 09:02

I think Ineedtimeoff has a point about it being an age thing.

In my 20's the long gap could be filled up with me getting pissed. I suppose it could now but I have children to consider and less money to do that. Now I'm in my 40's the thought of getting invited to a wedding makes me shudder.

Andrewofgg · 22/02/2015 09:03

Bictoria You are so right about photographers and even more about videographers who want to be the star of the show.

Ask your guests if they bring their cameras to share any good photos with you. It was different when prints cost serious money - now it's click-click and then it's up to the victims people on the photo whether to print them or just keep them on the computer.

TenuousGrip · 22/02/2015 09:04

The main part of my wedding planning has been excluding the gap, I love weddings apart from gaps - had one last year when the service was at 12 but then there was no food until 7! And no shade, one seat for the bride's granny and the only drink was pimms (no alternative even if you didn't drink!)

BeeInYourBonnet · 22/02/2015 09:07

I just hate the wedding outfit trauma. I actually found it easier being the bride, than a guest. Chose my wedding dress v easily, but a wedding guest outfit (especially for a close family wedding) is a nightmare.

Don't want to spend a fortune in Coast or Monsoon (and end up looking like a bridesmaid), manage to find an outfit in Next/Debenhams for under £100 and then turn up on day to find 3 other people wearing same thing, find nice dress for decent money and then spend a wad on shoes/bag you are only going to wear once.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 22/02/2015 09:08

At most of the so called traditional weddings I've been too it's the photography that's delayed everything afterwards. Ridiculous! Bloody boring for everyone not considered important enough to pose in them.

benefoots · 22/02/2015 09:11

Worst wedding we went to we still refer to it as 'the wedding'.
Church was 1 hour from reception. When we arrived at the reception we had to wait 2 hours for it to be set up.
Nothing to eat during this time.
Once tables were ready we went to sit down and friends of brides mum (who had told her they weren't going) were sat in our seats!
Brides mum too embarrassed to ask them to move so we had our completely en edible food in the room put aside for the children.
Left for the 90 min journey home quickly and stopped for mcdonalds on the way Grin

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 09:16

AuntieDee

Me! I love meeting random people and finding out about their lives and secrets as they get more and more pissed! We once went to a wedding in rural Norfolk where we were sat with the vicar and the dc's old nanny and other random folk - was such good fun. Don't even mind if I don't like them as dh and I enjoy swapping stories later. Also love getting together with friends and family at a happy event.

BictoriaVeckham · 22/02/2015 09:16

andrew with Instagram and Dropbox and most people on 3G etc there will be photos on the day just not 'professional' ones. We've roped two of our guests who do photography as a hobby to snap away for us too.

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 09:18

benefoots - bet that was the best McDonalds you've ever had! What a terrible day.

MythicalKings · 22/02/2015 09:18

YANBU.

I used to love weddings back in the last century before they got so elaborate and staged.

Before the brides organised every little thing and insisted everyone complied with their ridiculous wishes.

Before there was a 2-3 hour wait between wedding and food.

Before stupidly expensive hen and stag weekends.

Before the hours and hours of choreographed photos.

HellBoundNothingFound · 22/02/2015 09:24

Yes to flat shoes and no 3 hour photography!

I wore flat lace ballet pumps, had my brother in law take photos (no posed ones as DH and are hate photos), as soon as I could I got to the pub, downed several pints of stella and did a small speech.

I could then be found smoking marlborough reds, chugging pints, avoiding wedding talk at my own wedding.

Go with what feels right to you! All the guests enjoyed our day because it was relaxed and not overly structured! although I can imagine some hated it Grin

benefoots · 22/02/2015 09:25

thatsucks it was gorgeous!
Have 2 weddings to go to this year. Completely back to back. 2 outfits, for me and children.
2 hotel stays, not looking forward to them at all. Grumpy old cow that I am!

lotsofcheese · 22/02/2015 09:25

Agree Mythical! And the grabby wedding lists! The sexist ceremonies & self-indulgent "me-me-me, I'm a princess for the day" shite.

Luckily I'm in my 40's now & the weddings are few & far between.

The divorces on the other hand.....

GreatBigJabberwock · 22/02/2015 09:30

Went to one wedding where no food was served until 5.30 and I hadn't eaten at all that day as I'd offered to help out and been roped into a morning of driving bridesmaids around etc, so only had time to get myself ready and get to church. Other people left and went to McDonalds, really wish we had but we spent about 3 hours being promised food was 'coming soon'.

Went to another wedding where I only knew the bride and her family, wasn't allowed a +1 and was put on an obvious 'randomers' table with loads of the grooms friends, who all knew each other and spent the whole time catching up so cue me sat all alone amusing myself.

Almost scared to post the details of my upcoming wedding now in case I've crossed any sacred line but we're having the main meal 3 hrs after the start of the ceremony, which was the earliest we could do it, so having small snacks straight after the ceremony to give everyone something to do during photos and avoid the hunger. We're putting on either taxis or a bus for everyone from ceremony to reception and back (to avoid parking & traffic problems) and everything will be provided, no-one has to put their hand in their pocket from ceremony to end of the reception at about 8pm. No wedding list and when people have asked about presents we've said plainly don't worry as everyone's had to travel and pay for clothes etc. Only invited close family & friends so no-one should be sat lonely kicking their heels waiting for food. Have we got a reasonable chance of everyone enjoying it?

engeika · 22/02/2015 09:30

I agree. Generally awful. But went to a good one last year. Ceremony at 12 in a lovely "venue". Downstairs for lunch at just after 1. Excellent food. Two large side rooms with fires and sofas so seating, quiet and tea/coffee/booze. People could stay for dancing and more food later if they chose or slip off home if tired/kids/elderly. The quiet rooms were always available as were gardens. Hardly any formal photos. Brides brother a bit of a photographer and snapped as the day went on.

The80sweregreat · 22/02/2015 09:35

Sadly, i seem to attend more funerals these days than weddings.
Just try to enjoy people being happy. They are big business thes days it seems from reading things on here though, which is sad.

KatieScarlettreregged · 22/02/2015 09:44

Great weddings I have been to;

The one where we all travelled to the very north of Scotland, stayed cheaply in a B&B, church ceremony and all day drinking afterwards in the local pub. Cost us about £150 all in. Relaxed, informal and the locals were fantastically welcoming.

The one where the couple got married in a beautiful golfing hotel where the humanist ceremony made me cry. Immediately afterwards while photos etc were happening, we were munching on canapé with champagne. An hour later it was meal, speeches then dancing to an amazing band. The bride provided flip flops for those that needed them me and the whole thing passed in a flash, not a second of boredom. Beautifully done and organised perfectly. Her hen took place at a local hotel, no fuss, just a meal then drinks on the beach. Again the whole thing cost me just under £250 including gift and outfit.
Neither of the brides above were bridezilla in the least. That helped.

CalamitouslyWrong · 22/02/2015 09:46

I usually hate weddings too. It's the weird timings that don't fit in with hunger patterns and the hours of bloody photographs and the other causes for waiting around.

I don't care if it is 'your day'. Having people standing around for hours while you have 5 million photos of yourself taken, and they can't escape because the venue is in the arse end of nowhere is just never going to be fun for your guests. A couple of canapés and a glass of pimms does not make this tolerable.

And then the couple insist that you sit and look through their photographs the next time you see them. It was boring enough at the time they were being taken; after having stood about while they were taken, I very much resent being asked to pretend to be interested in 500 photographs of a bride, a groom and too many bridesmaids in unflattering dresses during the obligatory extended family christmas gathering.

Also the people who insist 'it's an invitation not a summons', you see plenty of AIBUs which show that many brides and grooms (and their parents) are not all that laid back about people just not wanting to go to a wedding.

patienceisvirtuous · 22/02/2015 09:52

This is why we're just doing the marriage part, then going for lunch with immediate family :) I can't wait... :)

The only part I need to worry about is finding a nice outfit!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 22/02/2015 09:54

Oh god yes! calamitous Being made to look through a million wedding photos is horrendous. What the Fuck are you meant to say!?! Only so many times can you repeat 'aw how lovely' or some such bollocks without wanting to scream!!

I sincerely do hope everyone getting married on this thread has a great day, just don't invite me please!

Andrewofgg · 22/02/2015 09:57

Funerals can also be enjoyable. You sometimes get together with people you've lost touch with and are glad to meet again. And no bloody photographers . . .

CalamitouslyWrong · 22/02/2015 09:59

We only did the marriage followed by brunch with the witnesses.

I don't want people getting married not to enjoy their weddings either, but I don't think its at all uncommon that at least half of the guests (especially at a big, so-called 'traditional' wedding) to be enduring it out of a sense of obligation.

But, please, do remember to keep your wedding photos to yourself unless you are absolutely certain that someone wants to see them. And really think about whether you need hours of them being taken at all.