To think that weddings are purgatory

[DameEdnasBridesmaid]

Especially civil ones, over in 15 mins and the worst part, hanging around waiting for the wedding breakfast. 3 hours yesterday between the ceremony and the breakfast. Total boredom and it was bloody freezing. I knew a total of 5 people and that includes DH.

It seems massively self indulgent of people to think that other people actually want to go to these over rated affairs.

I had a big production affair many moons ago, and don't remember any complaints about the gap between the church and the breakfast, but then we were in lovely grounds and the drinks and canapes were flowing.

I love a good wedding and am looking forward to the one we are invited to this summer. But then I like an excuse to buy new clothes (any excuse) and a good day out.

I am also fortunate that we are now in a good financial postition

I really like wedding. I like the dressing up. I like (actually bloody love) the ceremony. I like it when the reception has an element of the couple and is personal to them.
For some reason we were invited to 24 weddings in 2013, mostly children of my old friends or colleagues, and went to about half of them and enjoyed them all. The best ones always reflect the couple IMO and consider guests to be guests so they are actually hosted rather than standing about as scenery.
We got married last year and as it wasn't the first time for either of us we felt absolutely no pressure to have 'a wedding' in the usual style and had a day completely reflective of how we would choose to spend a day. We love music, fetes, festivals, have children and teens, and dislike having our photo taken. So that's what we did.
Barn wedding, civil ceremony with really heartfelt readings (our bit done)..then all day bar, cake and crisps available from the off, garden games, kids stuff, circus skills workshop, bouncy castle, music (two separate acts), picnic blankets as well as indoor space, food (pulled pork baps, paella, salads) ad lib from street food stalls in the grounds from about an hour after the ceremony finished and then a cake of cheese ploughmans buffet of 6 cheeses and naice meats with salads and pickles with bread until 10 pm. Sweetie buffet and snacks ad lib and a ceilidh in the evening. We have photos from the professional but also loads other people took: children dancing, people who'd never met before playing croquet and boules, lovely family shots of three generations of the same family being taught to juggle, kids with their tongues hanging out in concentration over some craft puzzle in the little activity books I made, DH and I impromptu dancing to one of the singers mid-afternoon, Adults on the bouncy castle. We bussed everyone in from our town and from the local hotels for the whole day/evening, everyone was there for the duration if they wanted to be. Everyone could drink or not as they chose. No dress code, no gifts. It wasn't polished, or clever, or worthy of a wedding blog. It was also the best wedding I have ever attended and many of our friends with children said the same thing. My Mum felt it lacked gravity...oh well!!!!
YABU. A wedding does not have to be a forced formal affair; if it looks like being one and you don't fancy that, just decline the invitation.

momb your wedding sounds perfect and a million miles from what we endured yesterday.

My DD is getting married later in the year and I hope it will be a similar joyous occasion. She has and is still considering how her guests can can have a great time. Everyone is invited for the duration - no 2 tier guest lists. She cares not one jot what people wear, will not be agonising over 'favours', everyone will know what is happening and when, transport will be provided. And if anyone declines the invite then we give a cast iron guarantee that we will not take offence.

To all the posters who have said I shouldn't have gone, believe me, if I knew what I know now, I would've declined and lived with the fallout. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

rubybleu
Yes, I know about the change - but it is the same process in the registrar's office as before - only from march registrar's will have no choice but to refer some couples to the HO so that the HO can look at each case (depending on their visa). Couples who are not being referred are giving the same information and are asked exactly the same questions as those that are. And the notice appointment is as necessary for all those who are getting married in religious buildings (except CofE) so doesn't just apply to civil ceremonies.
Sounds like you are planning a wedding - I hope it is lovely and that you have a wonderfully long and happy future

YANBU. Our problem is that DH's family are like pretentious cyber-men/women and my lot are rough as badgers arseholes. My cousin had her (fourth) wedding last year, the theme was A Clockwork Orange so the bride and groom and all the guests - most of them in their sixties- did the eye make- up, bowler hat, Doc Martens, the lot. Fantastic. Police called at the reception, as usual.

SIL is getting married - second time - at a darling French Chateau this summer and family and 'chums' are invited to a celebratory brunch after the event. So, fly to France, gobble down some food, be patronised for an hour and bugger off home again. No thanks!

Momb that sounds amazing!Can I ask what (roughly) it costs for a wedding like that?

I think marriage is worse.

my lot are rough as badgers arseholes

Another phrase to take into EL, thank you MrsFring

You're very welcome.

I love weddings, but I do love them more if there's a little bit of consideration for the guests. The weddings where we stood, cramped, in a tiny bar whilst they turned the room around and had photos done for 3 hours isn't my favourite.

My own wedding was my favourite, but by the time I got married all of my siblings were married and the majority of my close friends had married so I think I got the benefit of their weddings showing me what I didn't want.

We hired a huge community centre (a former church building many moons ago) in Scotland. Next town to where I grew up so only DH's tiny family had to travel. We negotiated with a local hotel to get a good deal and then, as the consensus from our families was that they expected a pay bar (we paid for all drinks until 8pm) we paid for the rooms.

Ceremony was 1.30pm in one room. Took 30 minutes, Humanist celebrant was lovely. The other room had games set up for the kids and lots of chairs. Originally we planned on people taking picnic blankets out into the garden with sandwiches and canapés, but despite being July it started raining while we were in the ceremony so the picnic blankets ended up spread about the hall next to the bouncy castle (there were chairs for the people who didn't want to sit on the floor!). Some of the kids spent a little bit of time moaning because the adults were a big hoggish with the bouncy castle and the games!

We had two student photographers who took family photos of the guests as well as half an hour or so of photos with us and the immediate families. MIL was happy because we agreed to have of smoked salmon vol au vents (enough for her, Great Aunt and their friends who were invited) and my grandparents were happy because we let them contribute financially which meant all of the families were invited all day.

Meal was at 5. 3 speeches from 4.45-5, my Grandad, best man and me (DH doesn't like public speaking). Grandad made people cry, best man made them laugh, I was a mixture. We had a hot buffet so people could choose between lasagne, chilli, shepherd's pie and something else which I'v forgotten with all the sides. Unlimited wine, beer and soft drinks during the day (although a couple of my relatives thought there was a 6 drink limit or they'd have just been ridiculous).

DJ at night was DH's cousin who'd pretty much canvassed a lot of the guests so his playlist went down too well. Wasn't too loud and there was seating in the other room if folks wanted an escape. Evening buffet was a delivery of pizzas, chips and hot rolls. Everything finished at midnight, although everyone knew we wouldn't mind if they left earlier, and we hired buses to take people home.

Reading that back that sounds really show-offy. I didn't mean it to be. It just worked because we were determined that if people were going to spend the day with us we wanted them to enjoy it (or at least not hate it).

I usually love weddings.

The weak spot is when you have a long hanging around time and can't effectively plan to keep your stomach happy, especially if travel time in involved.

The worst one I went to was a year before mine. The ceremony was at 12 and an hour from where we were staying with relatives, and the food wasn't until 7pm due to some sport thing on the telly. Only coffee and biscuits were on offer. Even though we took sandwiches for after the ceremony, we ended up desperate for food. By the time the wedding breakfast with excessively long speeches was done, it was 10pm and time to head back (the ceremony and reception made a large triangle from where we were). There wasn't enough seating for that level of hanging around, and even by Irish standards it was the middle of nowhere.

We tried to mitigate with ours. 2pm wedding so time for lunch or brunch before. Recommended a local pub to meet in for those travelling long distances. There was travel between the venues which couldn't be helped between our local church and poor availability of venues. It happened that our venue was by where we got engaged. We provided canapés and gave notice of the timings so people didn't have to starve. Lots of seating inside and out, with quieter spots.

Most of the photos were at the church worked out in order to do biggest groups first to gradually let the numbers dwindle. This gave chance for guests to go to the hotel and check in. The last photos were in the hotel grounds, so we weren't away for a prolonged period. We made sure that we spoke to everyone that came. Some family was over the night before so we met up to make sure that we spent time with them, which gave us more time on the actual day. We got more time with friends during the disco and day after.

The only crime we committed was requesting that gifts were money for home impovements. (No poem ) People were going to ask anyway and we were at the stage of gradually replacing the make-do things we had when we set up our home, but didn't have the appropriate items to set up a sensible gift list. (Also seconds from the local factory shop were much better value than the same item at a department store!)

The thing that spoils weddings for me is the waiting. I find this is worse if it's a church wedding, because (assuming there's more than one wedding booked) the first bride is late which has a knock on effect. The last wedding I went to we had to wait outside the church for an hour or so, then we had to wait for ages for our bride to arrive, then we had a very long ceremony to get through (greek orthodox) ,then photos, then the meal was delayed for some reason. So please brides, try to get ready on time .
For me a good wedding has - a short ceremony, is local (preferably in town, not the middle of nowhere), as little waiting as possible, very short speeches, plenty of nice food, affordable (if not free) drinks including soft drinks and a good disco.

Went to a FAB wedding a couple of years ago. Church wedding (only ceremony that day, so not a production like as flm describes). After the ceremony, tea and cake were served to everyone, whilst the B&G posed for all the photos they wanted / needed, and people were called for the group ones. Everyone could sit or stand as they wanted, inside, away from the elements. Toilet available, tea and cake available. All provided by family and friends who offered when they heard of the plan, so lots of lovely variety.
I'd definitely steal that idea if I were getting married again.

Always seems a bit mean spirited to me to say you hate weddings. As if mates are bothering you by inviting you. Its only a day and its a special occasion for the couple..can't people just focus on being happy for them, instead of griping? There are so many moany wedding threads on here I wonder if some people actually like their friends?! Its only a day, I think its nice to share in friends' nuptials, why not. It may not be super-interesting for the mates of the bride & groom but thats life..not all things are interesting but we get on with it.

YANBU for the waiting around part, tho. But Id have nipped off the the pub or a nice cafe for a couple of hours

I am not the biggest fan of weddings. When/if i get married, I want to elope overseas and have a huge party when we get back

I love a good wedding. And luckily most of the ones I've been to have been good weddings. Nothing to do with how much they cost, but whether they were happy days and nice atmospheres and thought put into hosting the guests. I really love a good wedding.

Been to a few that were shit with hours of hanging around doing nothing. Funny they were all massive weddings for 100s of people (seriously!) but just got herded into a hall and sat there, for frigging hours, with no food, no music, no drinks, waiting for the bride and groom to make some big stupid entrance.

YANBU. The vast majority of weddings just follow the same old, same old format which entails hanging around for hours while photographs are being taken, and having the ears blown off you be a ridiculously loud band who seem to think they're playing in Wembley Statium and not in the function room of the Hollybrook Lodge or whatever. I really hate going to weddings and suspect a significant percentage of other guests are also there with gritted teeth and plastered on smiles, wishing they were at home in their slippers watching Strictly Come Dancing.

And as for the comment 'just don't go if you don't like them'. Yes, because it's always that simple and who cares about hurting friends' feelings, or causing umbrage to relatives, or embarassing your parents or your DH by refusing to attend an important family wedding.

Sometimes you love certain people more than you hate going to weddings, it doesn't stop most weddings being a crashing bore though.

My DN got married in a church. So far so good. Then all the 'close family' which didn't include us, scarpered off to a secret location for photographs and we were told to go straight to the reception venue. 2 hours we were there, just DH, our DCs and about three other people before everyone else turned up.
So when DN's brother got married we assumed it would be the same.After the church we all scarpered to the nearest town for a coffee, only to arrive and find the photographer was waiting for the 'relatives who got lost on the way'. Both memories make me shudder, although we felt more welcome at the latter.
Weddings are over rated. I think the bit that counts is the marriage afterwards (am happy to say the DNs are both still married).

It is only British weddings which are self indulgent bollocks.

I'd bet that's not true. For a start Chinese weddings are hugely indulgent. My Chinese friend showed me photos of her brother's wedding. The bride had five dresses and she said that was the norm and it's very very competitive. It's all about showing what you can afford (her family is pretty humble and not remotely wealthy)

I do hate big weddings. They can be fantastic but they can also be self indulgent, narcissistic nonsense.

Bictoria, I love weddings, I think most people do....enjoy yours

I love weddings!
One of the loveliest weddings I have been to was the simplest. The bride's mum was very sick, and they hadn't got much money. There were loads of people there, but it was how I imagine weddings were in the 50s/60s. Church ceremony (committed Christians) then into the church courtyard where dozens of old ladies from the church had laid out a "spread" with plates that everyone had brought along. All done in a couple of hours, we went home and they went and had a luxury picnic by themselves in a local park!
Our wedding was pretty big, but I was really conscious of people waiting around.
I must have considerate friends as I've never had to wait around for food at any wedding!

I do enjoy weddings generally. Especially child free ones now that I have dcs (mean!) - even though my own wedding included children as I didn't have any then..

However I do hate weddiweddings with a long wait between ceremony and reception. That is a bit odd as the guests are, well guests and normally you try to give your guests a nice time!

I did try when I got married to make it nice for guests. This mainly meant most of our budget (small) went on the food! We had the world's worst photographer and flowers by the local mad women from the church!

Ps I prefer church weddings myself as I like the singing!