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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that weddings are purgatory

179 replies

DameEdnasBridesmaid · 22/02/2015 08:13

Especially civil ones, over in 15 mins and the worst part, hanging around waiting for the wedding breakfast. 3 hours yesterday between the ceremony and the breakfast. Total boredom and it was bloody freezing. I knew a total of 5 people and that includes DH.

It seems massively self indulgent of people to think that other people actually want to go to these over rated affairs.

OP posts:

trixymalixy · 22/02/2015 08:40

So just decline the invitation then. They'll probably be relieved, if you are in real life as you are coming across here.

This is just one of those MN things isn't it? Most people I know love a wedding.

tilder · 22/02/2015 08:41

I love the marriage bit. I think a lot of it is beautiful, makes me cry. When I can ignore the sexism of the whole thing.

It's the wedding bit I can't bear.

desertmum · 22/02/2015 08:43

I love weddings - going to one in April which will be a bit of a do - can't wait, going shopping soon for outfit, hat, present, confetti, it's an excuse for a few days away without the DC, see old friends, have yummy food, lots of wine and a bit of a dance.

MrsFunnyFanny · 22/02/2015 08:43

I'm with you, I totally hate weddings. I didn't have one myself, and I don't going to other people's. They always seem like such a lot of hassle and expense. I suppose if you and your husband to be both have fabulous, 'normal' families then having a real wedding might be great - but for me it was just never an option, as the thought of putting everyone in the same room made me shudder. And still does! We sneaked off for a weekend with two friends, and had a quickie wedding in a registry office, then just went out for drinks and food. I really enjoyed our day, it was perfect for us.

emms1981 · 22/02/2015 08:43

I went to one wedding where they got married in church then a select few (auntys, uncles but not their children even if they were older) were invited to a meal and then the reception was in the evening, so we went to the chippy and sat arround for hours.
Its the expence of new outfits for the 4 of us and a wedding gift we don't get a thank you for that pees me off.

eurochick · 22/02/2015 08:43

I love weddings. And there is no need for the womenfolk to sit in silence while the men speak. At our, there were no formal speeches. My husband and I each said a few thank yous and my female best mate toasted us, so there were more women speaking than men.

MinceSpy · 22/02/2015 08:44

If I get invited but don't want to go I just politely decline/send regrets.

BictoriaVeckham · 22/02/2015 08:46

I'm doing a speech at mine - I'm a gobby shite the best of times, my wedding day won't stop me.

Think my DM is giving me away too, not comfortable with the whole "man handing me over to new man" thing, especially when I've been with DP for 10 years. DDad and DSdad are in the back ground though

DeliciousMonster · 22/02/2015 08:46

Can't stand them. I'm dull, don't drink and am veggie. And the issues all that causes with people wanting to argue/get you to try just try some steak/come and have a boogie/go on have a glass of wine, it won't kill you...no but I might if you don't fuck off wanker

I'd rather spend the day weeding a garden in all honesty.

TenuousGrip · 22/02/2015 08:46

Same boat here Bictoria!

People who hate weddings - have you ever been to a 'traditional'/large(ish) style wedding that you enjoyed? If so what worked?

Brandnewattitude · 22/02/2015 08:46

I love weddings even if I don't know the couple.

However I haven't been to one post-divorce and I can't help feeling cynical about romance and vowing to stay together for better for worse.

Andrewofgg · 22/02/2015 08:47

Best in my memory was when the groom added to the usual heard-it-all-before speech the words:

I'd like to thank my Dad for coming and my Mum for being there at the time

A moment of silence: then laughter that went on, and on, and on!

Ineedtimeoff · 22/02/2015 08:48

I wonder if it's an age thing. In my 20's I would go to at least 5/6 weddings a year, most of which were the weddings of colleagues and friends. I enjoyed attending, it was just there were so many of them! I've long since lost touch with most of the couples and their weddings are distant memories in the past.

In my 30's the number of weddings I was invited to decreased but my irritation increased. Mostly due to time and financial constraints. I think it's for those friends/colleagues where there are only a small connection. I tended to decline these invites.

Now I'm in my 40's I get invited to and attend very few weddings and these generally are for family and close friends that I'm really glad to see get married. And it's the only time I get to catch up with distant family.

I agree that you can't always decline an invite for close family unless you have a good reason. You mostly just have to suck it up!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 22/02/2015 08:48

I hate the long gap between ceremony and whatever else comes after too. It's such a fucking performance! I kept mine as simple as possible and even that managed to stress me out. I like Weddings as long as I'm not invited to them.

GnomeDePlume · 22/02/2015 08:50

I dont enjoy weddings mostly because I dont enjoy getting dressed up and being sociable.

BictoriaVeckham I think that the thing to remember is that people are coming to your wedding to see you and your partner get married. They are there because they love you and wish you well.

It goes wrong when the happy couple forget that and start to think more about how it will look in photographs than how the people on the day (including themselves) will experience it.

EdithWeston · 22/02/2015 08:52

When you decide accept/decline, you probably don't know there's going to be a 3 hour gap.

You might realise that there is time to be filled (guessing from time of ceremony to normal eating times) but it's quite reasonable to expect guests to be adequately looked after for the full duration of the event from start to finish.

And the example of parking everyone in a bar where there was no seating must have been mortifying for the poor hosts when they realised such a startling and uncomfortable omission.

BictoriaVeckham · 22/02/2015 08:54

We need a list of things that make a wedding enjoyable, don't we TenuousGrip?!

So far we've established:
1/ small gap between ceremony and sit down food or canapés served
2/ bride to do a speech

Anything else?

TourGuideBarbie · 22/02/2015 08:54

I'm on the fence with this... I always say I love weddings but in reality, the three I went to last year were exactly what you've described and I couldn't wait to leave.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 08:54

I hate weddings. I suppose if my niece ever gets married I'll have to go but other than that I have no intention of ever attending another one

TourGuideBarbie · 22/02/2015 08:55

Flip flops make a wedding enjoyable

After that long wait for food where you offer elderly relatives the only chairs, your stupidly high / impractical shoes are killing you.

ThursdayLast · 22/02/2015 08:56

Gnome that's a lovely sentiment but its made strikingly clear on MN just quite how many folk resent a couple for having the temerity to enjoy their wedding day!

In general I think OP YABU because I love a wedding, but i have attended a wedding where the B&G dusapeared off for photos and it was interminable.

I'm getting married this year and am almost certain ive seen an AIBU about it already

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 08:56

Wow Mumsnet sure does hate weddings!

I totally agree, waiting around for hours without being fed, watered or entertained in some way is bloody awful and very bad planning (or bride and groom being tight arses).

But most the weddings I've been to have been great as I like/love/care about the couple and most people do think about their guests and give them a good time. And I love a drunken dance marathon with my lovely dh (all together now: Come on Eileen...).

MidniteScribbler · 22/02/2015 08:58

My wedding to (now Ex)DH was pretty relaxed. Afternoon nibbles and drinks lakeside for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. If I were to ever marry again, I would elope, no question. My partner and I and DS and a witness or two. Sounds blissful.

Now where do I find this new partner?

LaurieFairyCake · 22/02/2015 08:58

There's never anywhere to go between the ceremony and the food because they're usually in the middle of nowhere.

Thanks to Mumsnet I packed sandwiches and a picnic rug last time and we snuck off to eat in the garden - we were viewable from the crowded bar with no seats and got comments from strangers all day how jealous they were

OhYouBadBadKitten · 22/02/2015 08:58

If I were to do mine again it would be nice ceremony then straight into the church hall with a catering company doing loads of canapés and drinks, then in the evening off to the pub for more drinks, bar food and music. That would be it.

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