To tell our daughter that it's gonna be tough being female?

[MissyMew123]

So hubby tells DD that she can be anything she wants to be, which I fully support, (this comes about after watching the The Voice and she asks why only one girl judge?) I say it's tough being female in a male dominated world. AIBU or just being realistic about the world we live in? He was mad with me cause in my experience it is harder to achieve as a woman. I'd rather she knows that or is it better that she thinks nothing but her abilities will get in her way?

Yabu.

Don't burst her bubble. It's not that tough any more

How old is she?

Life is tough for everyone at times

Tougher for some than it is for others, regardless of their gender.

If you do tell her, what would you hope to achieve? To sap her confidence? To reinforce the difficulties you're warning against by convincing her she's never going to be good enough or it's never going to be worth bothering?

Your DD is lucky to have a supportive father.

I'd rather be a woman than a man, at least I got the chance to give up work and stay at home with the children; much, much harder to do that if you're a man. It's not all doom and gloom.

Yes, when she's old enough to understand.

I think she needs a bit of both encouragement and realism. Like, to be told that she can achieve great things as long as she works hard enough.

Might be a bit harsh saying her life is going to be harder because shes female. As long as you get a good partner and work hard at your job (and be lucky enough to work for a good boss) your life shouldn't be much harder than that of a male (not counting pregnancy or periods, can't be helped).

I point out how sexist the world is to all my children in a way they can understand. I think this makes them stop blindly accepting all the bullshit that society throws at them.

But doing it in a way that shows that anything is possible, and that attitudes can be changed.

I can't believe people actually think we don't live in a sexist world, Jesus.

YABU

YABU. life is tough. But when she's a woman, hopefully, it won't be so tough for her. And now it isn't that tough, it's what you make it. And not having assumptions helps.

well youre not wrong, but id rather teach my dd that she has the world at her feet and help her break down barriers in her way. I think if youre not careful it could do her esteem more harm than good. Depends how old she is though and how mature.
ive been having more indepth conversations with my teenage ds about inequality and trying to get him to think a bit critically about those sort of issues, but my little 7 year old, I would never tell her things are harder for girls. I tell her girls can do anything a boy can do and vice versa. theres no such thing as boy things and girl things. I have told her that in the past and that some people think that girls arent as good as boys, and that people with brown skin arent as good as people with white skin, but that we all know that that isnt true and its important to not let people tell you you cant do something when you know you can.

I went to an independent girls school who drilled into us we could be anything we wanted to; lawyers, doctors, teachers, SAHM's, sportsmen, actors, anything we wanted. The ethos was to work hard and then you would have the freedom to choose to do what would make you happy. My parents reinforced that message at home. I now work on a bank trading floor which is very male dominated but have truthfully only ever felt that I am limited by my abilities. I am grateful for that.

Talk to your children about sexism and unfairness if you wish, but why on earth would you tell your daughter that it's tough being female?

This was covered in an excellent feature in The Times today. It also emphasised how important it is that we stress to our DDs - from very early on - about how porn isn't indicative of how women should be treated in real life. The media might make out that women should aspire to be sex kittens purely serving men's sexual pleasure but it doesn't mean we have to be so.

Yabu just because there is only 1 female on the voice doesn't mean it is tough 1 of my dds works in what was a male dominated job she works free lance as she is still at uni but she gets requested back to do other gigs you can't be all doom and gloom with an impression al girl it isn't fair.

Yabu. Talk about sexism definitely but with a defiant, positive approach, not a defeatist one. My DW was the first female captain (commercial pilot) in her country and she achieved this against all the odds.

plus she comes from an extremely tough country in West Africa hardly known for it's gender equality.

I think the "it's-impossible-to-have-it-all" message is itself likely to lead women to underachieve. When you are brought up with that messaging your are likely to believe it and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ok, I hear you. But I don't like sugar coating things, I work in a construction related industry, and in my experience it is hard to get past being called "love" and being respected for what you do! You need a thick skin and ignore a lot. I didn't say it was tough to her, just that there are more men at the top than women. Which I beleive is still true..

YY EdwinBear - bring her up to be a determined feminist and she'll do great things.

It will be a lot better for her generation than it was for ours. It's shocking how sexist 80s TV was, and that was just normal and acceptable so recently. I am with your husband.

Like edwinbear I went to an all girls' school that encouraged very high aspirations and I would want the same for my DD. I think over 50% of new doctors are female, and that's been the case for many years. If all those girls had had it drummed into them that it's tougher for them, when they see women underrepresented in public, maybe they wouldn't have tipped that balance.

YABU. There's very few things she can't do (Pope for one) if she really wants to. Don't crush hwr aspiration now.

Talk to your children about sexism and unfairness if you wish, but why on earth would you tell your daughter that it's tough being female?

Agreed. I really dislike the defeatist tone of much of the Feminist forum on here. Everything is part of the patriarchal oppression of women. Far from being supportive of women it's largely a litany of negativity with sweeping generalisations that everything is set up to do women down.

There's so much more practical real life advice on AIBU.

Don't tell her anything about what she might encounter. Just encourage her to be, in the here and now.

I went to a school that said you can be anything you want, work hard etc. My mother always said whatever I did aim to be twice as good and make sure you earn enough to support yourself at all times.

She was realistic, hardworking and my biggest cheerleader.
I admit to being somewhat risk adverse but I wouldn't have the career and life I have if I had believed the sugar and spice version of do whatever you want from school.

Depends on your child op.

Sexism works both ways. As someone said upthread, it can be tough for men who want to give up work, go part time, or enter occupations like childminding.
And those of us who've lived though the teenage son years are very aware of statistics concerning young men, eg they are more at risk of someone starting a fight with them on night out.
The world can be tough for everyone. Fair enough to start discussing sexist attitudes with your children in a way that's accessible and appropriate, but as a parent of daughters and a son, I would never have spoken to my children like the OP has, because it imparts a very negative and inaccurate view imo.