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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you don't go out for dinner before going out for dinner?

134 replies

cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:18

It is my DHs birthday and I have booked a table of 8 at a new restaurant for tonight. Usual bunch of friends going. The restaurant serves 'small plates' for sharing- think posh(ish) tapas but not necessarily Spanish food.

Just met up with a couple who are coming and this was their exact response:

"I don't like anything at that restaurant, it looks like Waitrose threw up on it, so we are going for tapas before we join you at the restaurant for drinks. You are too posh for us!"

I found this really rude, especially as we are due at the restaurant in a few hours and they have only just told me they don't intend to eat. They actually invited another friend along (without asking first) who is also now not eating, so that means 3/8 of us will be hogging the table with just a drink. Can't see the restaurant being too happy about this!

a) AIBU to think that you should not go out to eat before someone else's birthday meal out, and sit at the table with just a drink (on a busy Saturday night)
b) AIBU to be offended by my friends reaction to MY choice of restaurant. I would never remark on someone else's choice of restaurant in that way! When we go to burger places I would never say "oh, I'm not coming, you are too common for me!"
c) AIBU to find it a little rude to invite a friend along to a small Birthday gathering when she has no idea who anyone else is?

Not a big deal, but would you find any of this odd behaviour?

OP posts:
ohbollocks2u · 21/02/2015 16:21

I think that's bloody rude and would suggest they leave it and you'll meet them another time

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2015 16:22

Yes they're fucking rude on all counts and I'd be extremely pissed off at them pissing all over my dh's birthday celebrations.

How will you handle this?

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 21/02/2015 16:23

Yes, they're rude.

Tell them not to worry and you'll meet them another time.

ilovesooty · 21/02/2015 16:25

Incredibly rude on all counts. Tell them not to bother coming.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:26

Well, I said that I thought it was a bit of a shame, reminded them that the restaurant we are going to is actually tapas style anyway, and told them that I was sure there would be something on the menu they would like. I was careful not to say "oh, sure that's fine" so I'm hoping they've got the message that I don't really think it's on.

OP posts:
TheSolitaryWanderer · 21/02/2015 16:27

It's not about the eating before they eat with you though, is it?
They were rude on several accounts, what they said and by inviting someone else.
So I'd recategorise them as not-friends. Arseholes, but not friends.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2015 16:29

I would also be questioning the decision to invite their mate, that really isn't on.

Tell them you're not happy.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:31

Awkward though, because today she asked me to be her bridesmaid... so not a good day to fall out with them!

TheSolitary: I just think its rude to purposefully go out for dinner someone else when you have already accepted an invitation to go out for dinner. Especially weird when they have actually chosen somewhere quite similar!

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 21/02/2015 16:35

I'd contact the restaurant to reduce the table number and then meet them for a drink afterwards

ilovesooty · 21/02/2015 16:35

It's rude to invite someone else. It's rude to go to the restaurant and not eat. Do you really want to be a bridesmaid to someone like that?

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:35

Not really :(

She doesn't have many friends....

OP posts:
funnyface31 · 21/02/2015 16:36

Make sure they get separate bill for their drinks!

I would also be upset/annoyed/pissed.

funnyface31 · 21/02/2015 16:36

Make sure they get separate bill for their drinks!

I would also be upset/annoyed/pissed.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:37

I thought about getting a smaller table, but I think this might upset DH a bit. I haven't mentioned it to him and I might not.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 21/02/2015 16:37

Yes, there's a reason she doesn't have many friends...

HolgerDanske · 21/02/2015 16:38

Hmmmm yeah there might be a reason she doesn't have many friends...

I'd be honest and say you found her comment really rude. Maybe no one's ever told her that she's rude and obnoxious.

ilovesooty · 21/02/2015 16:38

I'm not surprised her friends are limited either.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:38

On another note, she also invited herself over for dinner the other night with her DH-to-be and didn't eat then either, even though I had cooked extra at the last minute. Before anyone asks, she definitely doesn't have any eating problems! Just socially unaware...

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 21/02/2015 16:39

So they're going to sit with you in the restaurant and when the waiter comes over they're going to say,

"No, thanks. We've already eaten. We're just going to sit here and twiddle our thumbs while everyone else eats."

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:39

Wow! what delightful friends! I'd text them and say something like, you're very disapointed that they've decided not to eat with you and celebrate DH's birthday. And you'll meet them in a bar later for drinks.

Then I wouldn't bother texting them later on!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2015 16:39

Imagine the Bridezilla fun with her !Grin

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2015 16:39

OP, would you consider asking MNHQ to change your thread title?

I think, "AIBU to think my friends are rude cunts?" would be far more descriptive.

And needless to say, YANBU at all.

saturnvista · 21/02/2015 16:40

Tricky. I would say I didn't feel comfortable going along with her suggestion as the take is booked for eight. Then give the option of coming/not coming.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:40

Holger- It was the fiancé that made the posh comments and I did react to that a little!

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 21/02/2015 16:40

You either need to distance yourself or you might need to start educating her on social norms. If you don't you'll be stuck with this forever.