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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you don't go out for dinner before going out for dinner?

134 replies

cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:18

It is my DHs birthday and I have booked a table of 8 at a new restaurant for tonight. Usual bunch of friends going. The restaurant serves 'small plates' for sharing- think posh(ish) tapas but not necessarily Spanish food.

Just met up with a couple who are coming and this was their exact response:

"I don't like anything at that restaurant, it looks like Waitrose threw up on it, so we are going for tapas before we join you at the restaurant for drinks. You are too posh for us!"

I found this really rude, especially as we are due at the restaurant in a few hours and they have only just told me they don't intend to eat. They actually invited another friend along (without asking first) who is also now not eating, so that means 3/8 of us will be hogging the table with just a drink. Can't see the restaurant being too happy about this!

a) AIBU to think that you should not go out to eat before someone else's birthday meal out, and sit at the table with just a drink (on a busy Saturday night)
b) AIBU to be offended by my friends reaction to MY choice of restaurant. I would never remark on someone else's choice of restaurant in that way! When we go to burger places I would never say "oh, I'm not coming, you are too common for me!"
c) AIBU to find it a little rude to invite a friend along to a small Birthday gathering when she has no idea who anyone else is?

Not a big deal, but would you find any of this odd behaviour?

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 22/02/2015 01:57

Not sure I'd be asking them out again tbh.

And I'd be seriously rethinking the bridesmaid thing.

Did their "+1" go?

FatSwan · 22/02/2015 04:58

That's fucking nuts.

I'd be prepared for a lot of WTF moments like this for her wedding planning.

Glad it was still fun though!

JenniferGovernment · 22/02/2015 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 22/02/2015 08:08

And did she bring her friend to your DH's birthday?

Watch out, being her bridesmaid is going to be just like this Sad

ohtheholidays · 22/02/2015 08:17

Drop her like a ton of hot bricks and do not be her bridesmaid.

She is not your friend she's a flaming liability!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/02/2015 09:41

She sounds a right mare but think of the bridezilla threads you could write Grin.

Who the fuck does she think she is, snatching the bill from you like that?

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 09:47

She really doesn't sound very nice.

I agree, think about backing out of being bridesmaid.

Btw when it's one of our friend's birthdays, we all chip in more to cover their share of the bill - we don't do the opposite and make them pay more. I should bloody hope your dh had plenty of wine on his bday!

passthewineplz · 22/02/2015 10:29

And she's your friend because???Hmm

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 22/02/2015 10:37

Are you going to say something?

I ended a friendship when one of the group paid on their card after we had paid cash and then stole the tip. I'm very much swings and roundabouts but I hate meanness and selfishness (and twats).

FryOneFatManic · 22/02/2015 11:24

I'd like to know if she brought the friend/other bridesmaid and if she was trying to steer the convo to her wedding plans.

CharityD · 22/02/2015 11:27

I'd definitely be dropping this friendship, she sounds very rude and unpleasant. I would not be bridesmaid, in this case, OP. If she is that bad on a night out, what will she be like over her wedding. Run fast, now.

mommy2ash · 22/02/2015 11:59

I don't understand how these situations happen. why are you friends with this person. why would you agree to be her bridesmaid. if she calculated the bill wrong why didn't you correct her. to be fair if she ate and drank half the amount others did then her bill should be half. I hate when you order something small and then people want to split the bill evenly.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 22/02/2015 12:25

She did bring her friend, who was actually very nice.

DH just sat at the end of the table and chatted to his friend. They did have wine, although certainly not enough to warrant paying over double what everyone else did!

I quietly tried to check the amount he was paying but he shot me a look that said "please don't start a row on my birthday, I'll just pay" lol.

At least tapas meant that it wasn't obvious that they didn't eat very much, and as far as I know they didn't make a fuss (they were too far away for me to talk to them at all to be honest!

DH is an usher too so we are well and truly in the wedding group. Strange as we are really not that close to them!!

DH wouldn't want me to say anything more about the meal/paying, he's too nice and would prefer to keep the peace, but I am determined to say something if this happens again!

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 22/02/2015 12:42

DH is an usher too so we are well and truly in the wedding group. Strange as we are really not that close to them!! I suspect they don't many close friends judging on last night's behaviour.

Glad you and your Dh had a good night.

pilates · 22/02/2015 12:57

Glad the evening went well, your friend sounds a right pain.

I wonder if she will be more generous with her wedding Hmm, I doubt it!

This isn't boding well, I'm sure you are going to be back with an AIBU wedding thread.

rookiemere · 22/02/2015 13:00

To be fair re the bill splitting, there are countless threads on Mumsnet on how to handle it, if they weren't drinking and ate half the dishes you did, then it seems about right to me that they would pay £23 per head and you would pay £38 each.

On everything else though I agree tacky, tacky, tacky.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2015 13:04

I agree the bill should be split fairly, too.

But grabbing it as soon as it arrived at the table and dividing it up according to what she thought was fair, landing a much bigger bill on the birthday boy is just vulgar behaviour.

I agree with being nice for your DH on his birthday, OP, but any more behaviour like this and you're in danger of being treated like a doormat.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 22/02/2015 13:07

I cannot what for the wedding threads Grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 22/02/2015 13:07

Wait not what

rookiemere · 22/02/2015 13:08

So how would you ensure it was fair suburbanrhonda?

There are two different POV here. The people don't sound nice for complaining about the venue, but it does sound as if they felt it was beyond their budget. If she hadn't grabbed the bill, then doubtless someone else would have said "Let's split it equally" which is tricky for the person who wants to pay less.

I find it interesting that OP states that her and her DH had to pay £75 for a couple rather than stating the actual amount they paid each. It seems quite reasonable to me that if you have drunk wine say at a minimum of £15 per bottle , and eaten 2 more dishes of tapas per person at say £6 each , that this would equate to £15 per head.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/02/2015 13:15

I think you misunderstood, rookie.

I said the bill should be split fairly and on balance it seems like it was.

It was the other behaviour that was Shock, but to be honest, from what the OP has said about this person, I was not at all surprised she grabbed the bill before anyone else.

Even if someone else had suggested splitting it equally, the friend could easily have said, "If it's ok with everyone else, we'll just pay for what we ate and not pay for the drinks as we didn't have any".

wowfudge · 22/02/2015 13:19

There is no way on this earth that I would be this horrible, rude woman's bridesmaid in your position. There's a reason she doesn't have many friends.

rookiemere · 22/02/2015 13:22

Point taken suburbanrhonda - the friend does seem tacky on all the other fronts - it might have been better if they hadn't gone, rather than appeared and participated half heartedly, but I guess from their POV they turned up to a restaurant they didn't like in order to celebrate a friends birthday.

Having been stung with big bills on occasion due to lack of fairness at meals out, I have an issue with people who think it's bad manners for others not to want to subsidise their meal.

I don't think the OP is like that, but it can be easy to underestimate the cost of what you have had, particularly where wine is involved and it seems as if she feels like she's been had by the other couple, whereas from the amounts given, to me it sounds like a fair split.

BossWitch · 22/02/2015 13:34

Ooh do what jennifer said! I would never have the balls but you so should.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 22/02/2015 14:54

Rookie, maths is not my strongest point ;) so perhaps it was calculated correctly. It was more the manner of it that irked me a bit.

They DEFINITELY are not skint, just notoriously tight!!

OP posts:
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