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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you don't go out for dinner before going out for dinner?

134 replies

cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:18

It is my DHs birthday and I have booked a table of 8 at a new restaurant for tonight. Usual bunch of friends going. The restaurant serves 'small plates' for sharing- think posh(ish) tapas but not necessarily Spanish food.

Just met up with a couple who are coming and this was their exact response:

"I don't like anything at that restaurant, it looks like Waitrose threw up on it, so we are going for tapas before we join you at the restaurant for drinks. You are too posh for us!"

I found this really rude, especially as we are due at the restaurant in a few hours and they have only just told me they don't intend to eat. They actually invited another friend along (without asking first) who is also now not eating, so that means 3/8 of us will be hogging the table with just a drink. Can't see the restaurant being too happy about this!

a) AIBU to think that you should not go out to eat before someone else's birthday meal out, and sit at the table with just a drink (on a busy Saturday night)
b) AIBU to be offended by my friends reaction to MY choice of restaurant. I would never remark on someone else's choice of restaurant in that way! When we go to burger places I would never say "oh, I'm not coming, you are too common for me!"
c) AIBU to find it a little rude to invite a friend along to a small Birthday gathering when she has no idea who anyone else is?

Not a big deal, but would you find any of this odd behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:41

Worra! Grin

OP posts:
DrEllieSattler · 21/02/2015 16:41

That's hilarious!!!

I'd reply and say that you're sorry that they don't approve/like/want to eat with the party and respect that they want to go elsewhere so why don't we all meet at X for an aperitif and then go for our respective meals as "I'm sure your other friend would feel uncomfortable as she wouldn't know anyone at DP's birthday"

Sparkletastic · 21/02/2015 16:42

Yes tell her it's not on - you will be doing her a favour is she's socially unaware. DH would surely be more naffed off about them sitting watching you eat?! Who does that? Very odd behaviour. Did her DP comment or just her?

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:43

Oh god! Just read you've agreed to be her bridesmaid! Bridezilla springs to mind!

You need to tell her that she's upset you, and you find it rude they're eating elsewhere. Also inviting her friend isn't on as its your husbands birthday. It's just going to carry on and get silly if you don't tell her how you feel

flimmyflam · 21/02/2015 16:44

YANBU, they are very rude to put it like that. But in fairness the USP of most tapas/small plates places is that everyone can just order how much they want and it's fine to just get drinks. So I wouldn't worry about the restaurant's side of it.

FurryDogMother · 21/02/2015 16:44

Response: 'Oh, OK, I'll change the booking to 5 of us then, and catch up with you when we're done - enjoy your meal - let us know where you're having drinks and we'll try to make it'

serin · 21/02/2015 16:45

How rude!

Do you think she is worried re; the costs? Even so she shouldn't have accepted the invite.

Hope she is not planning on getting drunk at your expense.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:47

Her DP, but it was clear they had discussed it as she was agreeing with him and laughing when he was making 'posh' jokes. She invited the friend (actually another bridesmaid- does it make a difference?)

Sparkle, perhaps DH would be more annoyed. Might message to confirm with them. For all I know they cottoned on that I wasn't happy and have decided to eat after all. If they say no, I can then suggest my party gets a smaller table?

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:47

If it was her DP saying 'you're too posh' could it be him pressuring her to go elsewhere for something to eat?

Bakeoffcake · 21/02/2015 16:48

I would text or phone her and ask if she is eating or not as you need to inform the restuarant about how many are eating. If she says they aren't eating I would tell the restuarant. It isn't fair on them to give you a big table if you don't need it.

If you leave it all until you get to the restaurant you'll be worrying about it. It's your DH's birthday- don't let her spoil it.

HoldingtheFortress · 21/02/2015 16:50

Yes it's rude, but they'll be the ones who get to look like arseholes when you're all sitting around eating and they're sitting there twiddling their thumbs.

I wouldn't say anything, just let them make themselves look shit. Then mark their card with the 'twat' stamp and file it away for future reference.

As for being her bridesmaid - you know you'll be writing a thread about a horrendous bridezilla sometime next year if you do that don't you?!

MrsTawdry · 21/02/2015 16:50

It honestly sounds like they can't afford the restaurant you've chosen.

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:50

Hows this as a text: About the food tonight- if you guys would rather eat somewhere else instead thats fine, you’re welcome to join us afterwards for drinks in the bar if thats what you’d prefer?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/02/2015 16:50

I'm sorry, but I think you need to be a bit blunt.

You need to tell her that it is unacceptable to bring an uninvited guest along to some one else's birthday meal, and equally unacceptable to be so rude about your choice of restaurant and to eat beforehand and then just have drinks at a busy restaurant.

Or you just suck it up and fume tonight, as her behaviour spoils your dh's birthday meal.

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 21/02/2015 16:51

Ah, the other bridesmaid.

It's going to be a night discussing her wedding plans.

And you're paying for the drinks.

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:51

Text her and tell her you've had fi confirm numbers with the resturaunt - and you'll meet them for drinks later. And leave it at that.

Groovee · 21/02/2015 16:51

I'd reduce the size of the table and tell them to meet you in a pub later on.

88blueshoes · 21/02/2015 16:51

I agree with bakeoffcake. If they're not eating, get a smaller table and tell them you'll meet them in a bar after. I wouldn't enjoy my meal if someone was sat there just watching me and not even eating!!

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:54

Her reply: "its ok, its just DP being fussy lol"

SO ARE YOU EATING AT THE RESTAURANT OR NOT

lol

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:54

Agree with King. It will be wedding plan talks all night. They'll be sat at the other end of the table discussing her wedding.

Text her and make the excuse the resturaunt rang to confirm numbers

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:55

Second reply: "we will eat something with you later"

Bit blunt. Jeez. Thank god it IS tapas! Oh well!

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 21/02/2015 16:55

OP is it that the restaurant is too expensive for them?

Original poster
cremedecacao · 21/02/2015 16:56

Nope. They are a bit stingy sometimes, but they are perfectly well off.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 21/02/2015 16:57

Sounds like she doesn't want to celebrate your dh birthday but wants to discus her wedding plans and that's why she's invited the other bridesmaid.

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 16:57

So they're going to eat twice?

Tell her you'll meet her for drinks later, she's going to end up soiling the meal

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