To think that you don't go out for dinner before going out for dinner?

[cremedecacao]

It is my DHs birthday and I have booked a table of 8 at a new restaurant for tonight. Usual bunch of friends going. The restaurant serves 'small plates' for sharing- think posh(ish) tapas but not necessarily Spanish food.

Just met up with a couple who are coming and this was their exact response:

"I don't like anything at that restaurant, it looks like Waitrose threw up on it, so we are going for tapas before we join you at the restaurant for drinks. You are too posh for us!"

I found this really rude, especially as we are due at the restaurant in a few hours and they have only just told me they don't intend to eat. They actually invited another friend along (without asking first) who is also now not eating, so that means 3/8 of us will be hogging the table with just a drink. Can't see the restaurant being too happy about this!

a) AIBU to think that you should not go out to eat before someone else's birthday meal out, and sit at the table with just a drink (on a busy Saturday night)
b) AIBU to be offended by my friends reaction to MY choice of restaurant. I would never remark on someone else's choice of restaurant in that way! When we go to burger places I would never say "oh, I'm not coming, you are too common for me!"
c) AIBU to find it a little rude to invite a friend along to a small Birthday gathering when she has no idea who anyone else is?

Not a big deal, but would you find any of this odd behaviour?

Well I'm really confused now - will they be eating with you now or eating later or what?

If the restaurant is going to be busy, they will be grateful if you ask to make your table smaller, then they can accommodate another larger party of diners, not people just taking up space with a drink! Tell the 'friends' that the restaurant won't accept people not dining and that you will see them somewhere else afterwards for a drink.

I wouldn't be bothered about her not coming to the meal, or about being her bridesmaid either for that matter; she sounds as if she would make that a chore rather than a pleasure.

I wonder if they think they can just "come for a drink" and nibble bits from the sharing plates for free

I cant imagine a Restaurant would be happy to have three non diners at a table.

She is a fuckwit.

Is the uninvited/invited soon to be bridesmaid still coming ?

If she is I'd worry it's more about their wedding rather than your DH birthday

Get ready to steer the conversation away from that

Me too PuppyMonkey! I have no bloody idea! We'll have to wait and see now! I think by questioning it in person and then texting to ask if they are eating or not I have made my feelings clear (I think?). I think they are planning on coming but only ordering something tiny. Better than nothing but they might make themselves look a bit silly!

And we will absolutely still split the bill!!!

Make sure that you make it clear you're going to be a bridesmaid at a less posh wedding shortly before you turn up to hers...

And bring your own Tapas. Don't eat her posh wedding dinner.

I would write something like:

"Just checking that you're definitely not eating with us tonight? I need to let the restaurant know, to change the booking. Happy to meet up for drinks afterwards, we'll see you at the bar from xxxx"

I wouldn't mention their rudeness, or them bringing a friend along - it will just lead to awkwardness.

To be honest, from your OP I thought perhaps you may have been a bit vague with the arrangements and perhaps they've had a misunderstanding? Not accusing you, but offering a possible explanation for their behaviour. If that was the case, you don't want to fall out with them over this, just rise above it and enjoy the night

Although they are being completely rude and weird, I really don't think this is worth having a fight over at this stage. Unless you’re going to say you’re upset about the comments it seems like they’re not about to apologise and if you ask them to apologise it might just sour the tone of the evening. I’d be the bigger person and just try to have a lovely time. In my experience small plates places are based on the tapas/antipasti model – so the emphasis is on drinks and chat and some of the party not eating would not be as weird as if you were going for a three course meal. I hope you have a nice time regardless OP.

Possibly Holding. But then again, knowing them I kind of think they just don't see this as awkward or unusual at all.

I did bill it as 'DHs birthday MEAL out', but maybe as it is tapas style they thought it would be ok to eat somewhere else? Maybe?

Your message sounds similar to the one I sent her.

Thank you flimmy

Oh fgs, bin her off now. It's your dh's birthday meal; why is she taking centre stage with you dancing around her? Tell her it doesn't work for you to have a complete stranger at a celebration dinner, and the restaurant won't allow three people to take up space on a busy Saturday evening when they don't plan to eat.
Do it now; or you risk the evening being spoilt by an unpleasant scene anyway.

I just read your OP again and no you're not being vauge - she's being weird!

Don't let it spoil your night. Are your other friends nice and normal? Hope you can just zone out of her wedding drivel and enjoy being with them instead

Oh god, they sound awful. I hope your DP still has a good birthday evening. Do report back!

Hope the weirdos don't spoil your hubby's night. If they do, please tell her that her behaviour isn't on

Maybe you could tell a little white lie and say that you've contacted the restaurant and they don't allow non-diners at the table.. so you need to know are they eating with you or not?

Then if she replies that they're not, say that's fine, you'll meet them in the bar afterwards.

I agree with Floggingmolly
I'd sack her off permanently quite frankly.

She's being a twat by not giving a yes or no.

You've got more patience than me.

It's massively rude of them to make the arrangements complicated on their account. Are they eating with you or not???

I am sure I'm being too nice here... but I am going to go ahead and assume from her vague text that they are going to join in and I am going to HOPE they don't sit there awkwardly. Will make sure conversation is not just about the wedding too.

Shipwrecked, I asked her directly and she said "we will be eating something"

Just suck it up, let her look like a knob if she wants to, and enjoy the evening.

My feelings too! Would send virtual tapas but no emoji :(

instead?

How...odd.

I'd just text "Sorry, I'm confused..."

Which you are.

Cheers Creme

and happy birthday to your DH. Hopefully you'll all get drunk and enjoy your meal that looks like Waitrose threw up on it.

Perhaps you can let some of your friends in on the drama that has gone on, and have a little game of 'Posh bingo', saying things like "Ooh, this dish is so wonderfully presented, I particularly like the caper berry garnish with Harissa accents - I wonder if they sell these at WAITROSE"