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Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 10:49

Unfortunately pickled, if you'd like to read the whole thread, yes people have disputed that, which is why I and others have been up in arms about this whole thing.

Yes a shit hot lawyer would be good right now, hopefully op will be ale to afford one.

Also a change to the rules would be good.

pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 10:50

Cracking post fedup.

KatieMorag · 22/02/2015 10:50

Great post pag

pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 10:51

The point is Spade, I have read the whole thread. I was making the point that I haven't seen the view that you and others have shared.

tiggytape · 22/02/2015 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 10:53

fedup the OP repeatedly said her concern was for the children not that she was looking to be kept in the manner to which she'd been accustomed

pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 10:53

Views most certainly do have to be changed. The way single mothers are vilified in the press etc is utter wank. The fact these wanker exes get away with it is bullshit. Unfortunately these things aren't going to change overnight. Certainly doesn't mean that we can't make steps towards change, I'm just not sure what those steps are.

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 10:54

No fedup, the solution is that both parents should contribute to the raising of their children. Op is unable to work at the moment, she is doing all the childcare, stbx should be contributing a fair amount of his salary.

fedupbutfine · 22/02/2015 10:56

spadequeen no, it's far, far more complex than that.

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 10:58

Precisely pickled. Unfortunately that is not what has been said on here

Babynamechange · 22/02/2015 10:59

Agree with what fedup just said completely and pickled x

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 10:59

So fedup you don't think that stbx hold be paying more of his salary?

fedupbutfine · 22/02/2015 10:59

the OP repeatedly said her concern was for the children not that she was looking to be kept in the manner to which she'd been accustomed

then if she is only looking for support for the children, surely to god you can support 3 children not yet in school with no childcare issues and no mortgage or rent on £800 a month?

LittleBearPad · 22/02/2015 11:03

I couldn't fedup and it would piss me off to have to whilst Ex-DH fannied about with £3k.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 11:04

The children are entitled not to suffer financially because they have an abusive father and should not be distressed because that father is hell bent on punishing their mother. If they had a certain standard of living which the father wanted them to have while he was there he should be maintaining that as much as possible now he's gone.
What's so hard to understand about that?

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 11:05

And her eldest is in school. Do you read everything so carelessly fedup?

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 11:06

Maybe I'm in the wrong here but I'm sure I read that one of the children was 8. Just goes to show that some people don't read the thread properly so can make it seem what they want.

pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 11:06

Agreed fedup.

fedupbutfine · 22/02/2015 11:06

spadequeen. I am not the right person to ask that question. I am many years down the line from a similar position as the OP and have managed. I lost far more than it would seem the OP will. At the time yes, I probably thought my ex should have contributed a fair amount (I get no maintenance) and probably more than the amount the CSA would calculate. But I am a realist and I acknowledge the difficulties that relying on maintenance creates and I am grateful to be free of him and his control. I no longer need maintenance. Please don't think that means I don't think my ex should pay maintenance - he absolutely should and there is an impact on my long term future because I am struggling with pension contributions and maintaining the house appropriately - but I do think that women expect men (it's usually that way round) to pay in cash when things go wrong when they could themselves (and I acknowledge the OP is in a difficult position and for her it's not quite as simple) start taking some responsibility.

demonchilde · 22/02/2015 11:06

Careful now Blessed, 'you haven't been in HER situation you know- your story is yours alone'. Hmm

Which actually Sooty - is bollocks. I have been in the situation where I was pissed off my ex got to keep enough money to live well whilst we had to struggle. EXACTLY like the OP is. Of course the other details/ circumstances will be unique to her situation- that goes without saying.

The point I ( and some other posters) have tried to make is that moving on will be difficult if you focus upon how unfair it is for too long. That's victim blaming? Really?

To reiterate from the OP 'am I right to feel disgrunted or am I being grabby and entitled'. Whilst I fully sympathise with your plight, why ask the question and use those words if you are not prepared to hear from those who ( rightly or wrongly) agree wit the latter?

Pagwatch · 22/02/2015 11:07

Good grief, it just get worse.

The solution to men not taking responsibility for their children is to wholeheartedly embrace it and, not simply let the men walk away, but make a virtue of the woman bringing up her children on as little as humanely possible.

And a woman who thinks 'fuck that' is wasting time and wrong.

It's like Alice in Wonderland.

pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 11:09

Bloody hell, it's a long thread, quite easy to miss the fact the oldest is 8. Jeez.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 11:11

Of course it's not bollocks. By admitting that everyone's circumstances are unique you're accepting the premise that each person's story is different.

There's far too much of the attitude of "I managed and so should you" on here.

EdSheeran · 22/02/2015 11:11

"then if she is only looking for support for the children, surely to god you can support 3 children not yet in school with no childcare issues and no mortgage or rent on £800 a month?"

I think that £800 in a mortgage free home and no childcare needs should be plenty and I am quite Hmm about people who say it's not but that's not the point of this thread. The point is that he earns a huge amount and why should he get away with paying the bare minimum while he swans around living a luxurious lifestyle? They are his children too,

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 11:13

And as for "focusing on how unfair it is for too long" after years of abuse she threw him out a week ago.
How long is "too long"?
Have you ever heard of the stages of grief?

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