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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We do love a wedding one, don't we?

403 replies

patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 09:04

My first aibu wedding thread (I think!).

So DP's close friend called round to our house to tell DP that him and his DF had booked their wedding for next Summer, in Italy. He told DP they are having an intimate wedding, hiring a villa for the week (cost to be split by guests) and as guest list only extends to 20 people, they are only inviting DP and not me.

DP said he felt put on the spot at the time so mumbled something about speaking to me and getting back to him. DP rang me straight afterwards to say no way was he going and he thought it was outrageous to invite him to Italy for a week without me.

For context, DP and I have been together two and a half years. We're engaged and have bought a house together. We're also ttc and had two mcs last year. They know all this. I get on with both bride and groom and have met them about ten times since I met DP.

Also for context, their guest list comprises mainly family, two single friends of the bride, a mutual couple friend of the b&g, and two friends of the groom (the other friend of groom is in a new relationship).

I know it's their wedding, their choice and it's an invite not a summons yada yada, but aibu to think this is pretty shitty?! I feel put out and so does DP and tbh they've gone down in our estimation.

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 13:02

Mrs H that is the situation but they don't know about our plans yet - they're know we're engaged though. We got engaged shortly after them, they've been together a few months longer than us .

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 20/02/2015 13:03

Yanbu OP. Not in the slightest.

Im glad your DP isn't going to go.

MrsHathaway · 20/02/2015 13:05

In that case OP you are obviously stealing their thunder and ruining everything on purpose and deserve to be locked out of your house while your new DH goes away without you.

Wink
fatlazymummy · 20/02/2015 13:08

Wow, I've heard it all now. A week long wedding? Seriously, get over yourselves people.
I would just politely decline this one, and not give it a second thought.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 13:51

MrsH I hope they wouldn't see it that way Shock

We want low key and minimum fuss as poss and we'll prob tell ppl in passing after the event. No thunder stealing... :D

OP posts:
Yarp · 20/02/2015 14:02

OP

I can see why you and your DP are pissed off about this. They have, in their desire to do it how they want (quite rightly) been pretty thoughtless.

They will have to suck that up. It isn't pleasnt realising you have alienated people by your choice of wedding.

KatelynB · 20/02/2015 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crje · 20/02/2015 14:13

Think If asked your dp should blame work commitments for his absence or anything but the truth.

Good luck with your own big day & ttc x

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/02/2015 14:15

Yes its rude of them. Thoughtless.
All the best with ttc.

Charley50 · 20/02/2015 14:20

Crje - why shouldn't he tell the truth (in a polite way)?

FaFoutis · 20/02/2015 14:20

YABU. I think it is fine to invite just one of a couple in those circumstances. It wouldn't bother me at all.
Fine to refuse the invitation too.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 14:45

crje DP is going to tell the truth. Not in an arsey way, just 'I won't be coming because money and annual leave is limited and I'd rather spend it with patience, plus we're ttc so can't commit that far ahead'.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/02/2015 14:46

Jesus wept! What a pair of asshats! Come take a week off work and pay a king's ransom to pay for our destination wedding, just yourself. What are they, 18? I would decline, which I see he will do. And NO, you don't need to make an excuse about work. Just, Thank you, but I can't make it.

You will, most likely, receive a tout for cash from them, a begging note disguised as a 'request' for a gift. As if it's not enough they expect guests to pay for their wedding.

Send them a card.

heartisaspade · 20/02/2015 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yarp · 20/02/2015 14:55

Think the problem is that they have not realised it betrays an attitude towards their friend's partner.

Lovely to invite people they have been close to in the past, but it does also kind of say "your partner is not someone I am interested in having a relationship with in the future". Wich is pretty insulting when you are expecting that friend to take time and spend money on you.

Doggygirl · 20/02/2015 15:07

YABU - their numbers are limited, they don't know you well.

I had a small wedding and refused to unmarried partners of friends / family unless I knew them well.

It was a wedding, not a party and I don't care if anyone was fucked off.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 15:12

You sound like a nice friend, Doggy :)

OP posts:
crje · 20/02/2015 15:17

Think telling the truth has potential to rub them up the wrong way.

I would limit my explanation to one that didn't have anything thing to do with cost & single invitation .

Sounds very warm & fuzzy doggy Grin

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 15:21

They didn't worry about rubbing us up the wrong way so we'll have to agree to disagree crje. DP will do them the courtesy of being honest just as they were with us re reasons I am not invited.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 20/02/2015 15:26

"Think telling the truth has potential to rub them up the wrong way."
Well, they didn't worry their little heads about their invites doing the same, did they?

The truth - 'I won't be coming because money and annual leave is limited and I'd rather spend it with patience, plus we're ttc so can't commit that far ahead'. really really shouldn't rub B&G the wrong way. There are practical reasons I can't come and these are the reasons. Unless of course they've gone zilla and we have no evidence they have, no, not at all, really no and think everyone's life goes on hold for The Wedding of the Century.

TheRealMaryMillington · 20/02/2015 15:28

Doggygirl, did you also insist on people spending a week and £££ to attend your wedding abroad, without their own intended spouses?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 20/02/2015 15:31

Who would go on an expensive holiday they have to pay for in a place they can't chose, with people they can't chose, at a time they can't chose, just because someone was marrying in the middle of it?

Not me.

TheRealMaryMillington · 20/02/2015 15:32

OP I think I would assume that they were not trying to be rude or piss you off, unless they are generally horrible (in which case why are you friends?). They just haven't thought it through.

salthill · 20/02/2015 15:34

Oh to go back to the days when we were happy to get a set of pans as a wedding gift.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 15:37

I'd be happy with some pans salt, we're desperate for some new ones :o

Maybe I will write them into a poem request and send it to our parents haha.

OP posts: