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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send my nearly 3 year old to her granny's for a fortnight?

152 replies

walshywoo · 19/02/2015 18:42

My parents have offered to take DD off our hands while DH and I get to grips with round two of babyhood with our 3 month old DS. Does it make us bad parents for being keen on the idea? I do have slight pangs of guilt as it's quite a long time, but I think it'd be a really enriching trip for her (they live in the south of France) and would give her some much needed attention. She's currently feeling rather jealous, demonstrating it in many ways such as refusing food, crying at night, potty training regression and faking injuries. Is it a cop out on our part? We just want our well-behaved terrible two back!!

OP posts:
Notagainmun · 19/02/2015 20:47

I was three when my Dsis was born and I can remember the feeling of people visiting to see her and not me. If my GP had taken me away I really would have felt replaced.

Please don't do it. I hated being away from DS1 when DS2 was born (hospital for five days).

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 19/02/2015 20:47

I think op has been scared off Confused

Its not a good idea. Either all go, or no one goes.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 19/02/2015 20:54

No! We went away for 5 days and our dd was asking for home every single day. Looking back I wish I had not left her.

children want their mothers - parents. dont leave her...

its like - your dh bringing a new woman home and saying, i do want us all to live together eventually but just for hte time being do buzz off dear and give us a chance to settle!

imip · 19/02/2015 21:00

Ummm, hell no! For all the reasons above!

I've 4 dc with narrow age gaps, they need to be around to be part of your new family, need the reassurance that you still love them, not just the new dc. If it all goes tits up, the south of France is not around the corner! The most enriching thing would be staying at home with you. Why not have the gps come up to you got a short while to help out?

Branleuse · 19/02/2015 21:04

its a terrible idea in the circumstances.

I think a better idea is you all head down to the SOF, have a little spring holiday for a few weeks, and your mum can help you out with the baby, and maybe babysit while you have some time with your dd.

Your baby wont remember this time as long as hes getting loved and fed, but your dd will and this could affect her relationship with her brother if youre not careful

Thisismyfirsttime · 19/02/2015 21:04

OP, since you say your 'dp' and assuming you don't have room for your parents to stay with you could you go with both kids to visit them? 2 parents to entertain dd, they could maybe watch ds while you spend time with dd in a nice setting, could dh visit for a long weekend or few days if finances allow?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/02/2015 21:04

People could at least wait and see whether she takes the well-reasoned, kindly-worded advice on board before they put the fucking boot in Hmm

Thisismyfirsttime · 19/02/2015 21:07

I meant 'dp' as in both parents being involved by the way which is why I thought it might be too much having them both stay with you!

Verbena37 · 19/02/2015 21:08

Cold you lol go to. The south of Frane so DD doesn't think she has been left without you but then spend some lovely evenings out with DH with GOs babysitting? It would give you the best of both worlds.

GokTwo · 19/02/2015 21:09

No, please don't. That's possibily the worst way of dealing with this ever. Honestly op, your poor Dd is behaving in an entirely normal, understandable way. This is when she needs you the most. A couple of days at the very most but 2 weeks?! That's SUCH a long time.

Verbena37 · 19/02/2015 21:11

Sorry, iPad rushed ahead.
Should have read:
'Could you all go to the south of France...'

BottleBeach · 19/02/2015 21:12

Hello walshywoo. I recommend having a read of Siblings Without Rivalry for some ideas about how to help.

Verbena37 · 19/02/2015 21:13

Or how about granny and or grandad coming to stay for a couple of weeks and taking dd for a few them and her trips so she is still having you time but she is also having a few nice afternoons with them?

Do you have family local in the UK I who can help out a bit more to give you a break?

Pooka · 19/02/2015 21:16

Best thing all round is to concentrate on her, and give her all the attention you can. I personally think babies are more robust than toddlers, certainly in terms of their emotions.

If your dh isn't around to help with the baby, better to get your mother over so that you can spend some one to one time with dd, and with the baby, taking turns almost.

My dd would go out with my mother for a day here and there. But really, it was all about trying to keep her happy, and ds1 just had to slot into our life's really. I'd feed and try and play with dd at the same time.

Alanna1 · 19/02/2015 21:42

Why don't you all go for 2 weeks? Or ask her if she'd like to go for a weekend? My 3 year old would probably say yes to a weekend with granny and grandad whilst baby stayed with me if presented as a Big Treat. But 2 weeks? - No.

Mrsbird311 · 19/02/2015 22:21

Wow!! They want to send her to stay with her grandparents not Fred and rose west!!!
This is a really normal thing to do in Greek families, your parents are an extension of you!! The grandkids have as much to do with their grandparents as they do their own parents, I think it would be wonderful for her to have a special two weeks with her grandparents all by her self , and it will be a wonderful bonding time for them , sorry can't see a problem

Verbena37 · 19/02/2015 22:30

I kind of do agree with mrsbird. As long as you won't spend two weeks worried sick she is in a different country.

MiaowTheCat · 19/02/2015 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsstarlord · 19/02/2015 22:34

Terrible idea, just awful. Don't do it.

Mrsbird311 · 19/02/2015 22:36

It's only France , if she gets homesick one of you can go and collect her early, really, things don't need to be made so complicated, you can also FaceTime/Skype it's totally doable

trixymalixy · 19/02/2015 22:39

No, just no. It might solve a short term problem but store up plenty of problems such as sibling rivalry for the future.

Verbena37 · 19/02/2015 22:42

The youngest is three months though......not a newborn. Three months is a long, tiring time for their dd to still be jealous and not used to the idea. A break couched do them all good.

Purplepixiedust · 19/02/2015 22:43

No, no, no. Please don't. My heart breaks for her.

WoTmania · 19/02/2015 22:44

Personally I wouldn't. Particularly not right now. If this was already a regular thing it might be different but she's already feeling jealous and insecure so sending her off for two weeks for the first time while keeping the interloper DS at home could be very distressing.
Another thing that occurs to me is whether they live in the SOF, if they do how well does she know them? I stayed with my GPs regularly but also saw them 2-3 times a week as a normal thing so their house was home away from home. Is that going to be the case or is she going to be staying with people she isn't particularly familiar with in a house she doesn't know.
I think the suggestions for you all to go, or GPs come here and help would work better.

cherryminx · 19/02/2015 22:51

Congrats on DC2. Sorry if you're having a hard time - it is hard work with 2. However I agree with all who say sending DC1 away is a bad move. Could be great but could be rubbish and if it is it will be really hard to repair the rift.

If your DPs are keen to help why don't you and both DCs go to them or ask if they could come over here to help you.

When I had DC2 we had an au pair for 3 months - my original idea was that she could amuse DC1 while I looked after baby but in fact it turned out that it was much easier for her to look after baby - who just needed someone to cuddle her and wave a rattle in front of her face while I played Thomas the Tank engine/ ran about/ sang songs etc with DC1.

Even then it was still hard work when she left and pretty soul destroying at times but we got through.

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