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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to send my nearly 3 year old to her granny's for a fortnight?

152 replies

walshywoo · 19/02/2015 18:42

My parents have offered to take DD off our hands while DH and I get to grips with round two of babyhood with our 3 month old DS. Does it make us bad parents for being keen on the idea? I do have slight pangs of guilt as it's quite a long time, but I think it'd be a really enriching trip for her (they live in the south of France) and would give her some much needed attention. She's currently feeling rather jealous, demonstrating it in many ways such as refusing food, crying at night, potty training regression and faking injuries. Is it a cop out on our part? We just want our well-behaved terrible two back!!

OP posts:

Lazaretto · 19/02/2015 18:54

In fact this must be a wind up? Or do you really lack empathy for your own child?

viva100 · 19/02/2015 18:54

YANBU. I frequently went on holidays with my grandparents from a very young age, started when I was just under 3. I l loved it and it meant I became very close to them too. I never saw it as my parents sending me away, I saw it as a treat. And it didn't scar me nor did it cause any rift in my relationship with my parents. I think it's a good idea all round as long as you manage it properly, don't tell your dd you want a break, tell her her grandparents want to take her on a special trip just for her (or sth along those lines).

TwoOddSocks · 19/02/2015 18:54

Some of these posts are quite harsh. I can imagine you must be knackered. Personally I agree though that it may be a bad idea. If she's feeling usurped and insecure in her relationship with you this might exacerbate it and just make her feel even more displaced. Is there any way help could come to you? Or you could all go away?

Jomato · 19/02/2015 18:55

Sorry I'm with the others, it's a really bad idea. She is feeling insecure, she is trying to understand how her family works now she isn't centre of attention, sending her away will make her more insecure and store up more problems. I say this as someone in completely the same boat, just turned 3 year old DD and 8 week old DS. She's had me tearing my hair out but it's a phase you just have to get through I think.

Turquoiseblue · 19/02/2015 18:55

She s too young to understand IMHO, think of it from her POV - new baby arrives, takes mummy and daddy's attention, has to share the limelight, she might have conflicting feelings about the baby - likes the baby but still acting out as feeling displaced etc. It might seem like she s been sent away now new baby has arrived.
It s completely understandable how it might seem like a good idea - the upside is she ll get lots of one to one attention from grandparents etc, but really she s adjusting, and going to have to adjust, regardless, to having a sibling. Sending her away is putting off the inevitable I d think, plus you might find a lot more behavioural issues when she gets back.
Is there a possibility of GP s coming to stay and being able to take her for day trips etc, and thus also being able to take the baby so you can have one to one with 3 year old too.
Just my opinion. But then maybe someone will be along who has done this and can report positives.
Congrats on your arrival btw.

SingingSands · 19/02/2015 18:56

Oh gosh no! Look, having a newborn and a toddler is no walk in the park. But your daughter needs YOU. Not to visit grandparents in the south of France. Two weeks would be a lifetime for her, she'd feel lost and confused and probably abandoned.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2015 18:57

I also think it would result in the opposite of what you're trying to achieve.

She's feeling very vulnerable at the moment and for you and dh to send her away for a fortnight would be terrible for her.

She needs the attention more than the baby atm.

hannahwex · 19/02/2015 18:58

I used to go and stay with my granny at the age of 3, I always remember loving it and feeling special. One of my most vivid childhood memories was sitting on a coach with her waving at mum and dad when we set off and then her getting out the sweeties she had bought me

She lived in Ireland

monkeyfacegrace · 19/02/2015 18:58

Would make more sense to send baby away and have time with dd.

And why are you needing to get to grips with a 3 month old?

I'd suggest all of you going to SOF and leaving baby with grandparents and taking dd out on day trips.

tshirtsuntan · 19/02/2015 18:59

Aaaw, no don't send her away, could you all go?

Shedding · 19/02/2015 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2015 19:01

Could grandparents come and stay with you for the two weeks instead? They could help you with your sleep deprivation, spend some quality time with older dc and maybe take younger dc for a few hours so that you can spend time with older one.

moggiek · 19/02/2015 19:01

Just no.

Mistigri · 19/02/2015 19:02

Sending her away while she's still adjusting to having a sibling probably isn't the best idea - perhaps you could arrange for her to go later this year? I would start with a week to see how she gets on.

British parents tend to be very reluctant to send young (or even not so young) children away without them, but in other countries it's fairly commonplace for children to be sent away with GPs or even holiday clubs from 3-4 years old, and most kids seem to enjoy it.

Lazaretto · 19/02/2015 19:02

Send baby away is even worse idea and that's saying something. Grandparents to stay with you or close by for 2 weeks would be wonderful compromise.

Mrsjayy · 19/02/2015 19:02

Oh no don't send her to her grans when her behaviour is like this could you go with her yex a holiday is nice but she is acting out because she isn't the baby anymore I think at her age she might miss you and feel abandoned or she might be fine only ypu know your dd

Shedding · 19/02/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misssmapp · 19/02/2015 19:03

Think this has already been suggested, but cold you parents come to say with you so they can look after ds and you spend some time with dd?

There is 2.5 yrs between my two and the first few months are tricky- but you need to accept your older child needs you a bit more at the moment. A long the bb is warm, fed and cared for , it will be- you dd needs to know you want her and sending her to her grandparents won't do this.

Leeds2 · 19/02/2015 19:03

I wouldn't.

Could your parents come and stay with you, and give your DD some attention within the family home, and also look after DS on occasion so that you could spend some time, alone, with DD?

Marynary · 19/02/2015 19:03

I think it would be a terrible idea in your circumstances for all the reasons stated but other poster. Could you do visit your parents with both your children? They could look after your baby while you give your dd some attention.

Chippednailvarnish · 19/02/2015 19:03

She's only a baby too, imagine how rejected she'll feel.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 19/02/2015 19:03

My parents did this to me and I went after my sister with a vengeance. Very bad idea, it started when I was 4 & ended when we were teenagers. Bad idea. I did not do this to my children because I knew how it would end.

Morelikeguidelines · 19/02/2015 19:04

I agree with all the PPs that it's not a good idea.

Not a bad mother for being tempted of course, but I don't think you should do it.

All the reasons above - it will just confirm her fears that she is being ousted and replaced by new baby.

Agree that best of all would be for Granny and Grandpa (or whatever they are known as) to come to you to help you out. Ideally they or your DH could take the baby off your hands for a bit so that you can spend some quality time with your DD.

Baby at this age will not mind at all being passed around and will not notice who he is with (obviously if you are bf this can be factored in). DD will notice.

Spadequeen · 19/02/2015 19:04

You need to get your 3yr old involved in life with her db.

Agree with others, whilst you might see it as good bonding time with her gp and a break for you, I doubt very much this is how she would see it.

Get her to help out, she can help with baths, she can get nappies at change time, she can get you a drink when your feeding. Yes it makes everything take longer, but she will feel big and grown up.

It is hard, it is tiring but it's what happens when you have more than one child.

Please don't send her away

misssmapp · 19/02/2015 19:04

Sorry...

could your parents

and

as long as the baby is ....

My keyboard keeps getting stuck !!

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