Work being difficult about covering child illness

[Dontnic]

Help. Tell me I am not unreasonable. I am part time, earn a lot less than my DH and have a far junior job. We have 2 children at nursery at the moment and between them I have needed to take off 12 days since July when I went back to work (I work 3 days a week) to cover illness.

They both had chicken pox, which lasted over 5 of my working days. Also, they keep getting S&D that does the rounds in the nursery. This means if they get it on my 1st day of the week, they can't go back in at all that week due to the 48 hour rule.

DH has had some days off to cover illness, but it just doesn't make sense for him to take equal time off when he has targets to hit, meetings to attend for clients/prospects etc. If his job is affected we are financially buggered. So he does take time off but I do the lions share.

Work have now had enough and said that I can no longer take my holiday at last minute notice to cover child sickness and I have to take unpaid time off for dependants.

However, the BIG sticking point is that they deem a 'reasonable' amount of time for this as up to 24 hours. So I can leave at 2pm but need to be back in the office for 9 the next day. That is the exact example they gave.

I've called my union and they said that this was correct! Apparently the law says 'reasonable' time off but various other places deem reasonable to be up to 24 hours as it is only to arrange alternative care - not to give that care yourself.

I have no family in the area and friends/neighbours are not going to want a sick child... that is if they are free as most of them work too.

What on earth do working parents do during sickness? Apparently even child minders don't take sick children so it isn't as though I can change to a child minder.

OP it occurs to me that what you need is a local grandparent. If your parents or inlaws aren't suitable then you need to find someone who is. Lots of nanny agencies will also provide introductions to vetted local babysitters. You have to pay up front but then the arrangements are between you and the sitter. An older person is more likely to be available during the day and at short notice. And you can build up a relationship with them over time.

We had a lovely lady who we go through an agency, she helped out at short notice sometimes just for a couple of hours and had the experience that a completely clueless new mum like me needed!

HTH, but sorry, your employer is not unreasonable. I would probably have sacked you by now.

It is shit OP, I do sympathise.

But your DH needs to do more. Its worse for you to take the time off because you ARE part time as its more of a hit on your working time.

DH earns almost triple what I do and he does his fair share of sick days.

We would use sitters.co.uk as well in an emergency. We've no family nearby.

Could you make up the hours and work in the evenings when the DC are in bed? Its knackering I know but would perhaps help. Of course that depends on the type of job you have.

This is why I've always worked shifts. When my kids were younger dh worked days and I worked evenings.
I had NO relatives who could help out with childcare at all (in fact I was also a carer for my mum).
I know it can be easier said than done, but it's maybe time to start job hunting for a job which is opposite to your dh's

OP, I sympathise with you, I really do. I'm very lucky to work for a sympathetic employer as a single parent with very little back up plans for illness. However, this week my DD had chicken pox and I took Monday off and paid her old childminder to come to my house and care for her Tuesday and Wednesday. She's had quite serious problems with UTI's, so I had to take quite a few days here and there last year for hospital appointments and when she was ill, so I am mindful to not be seen as taking the piss (even though you are actually not, you are just acring for you ill child).

People keep telling me they get less episodes of illness the older they get, so I guess we just have to do what we have to do until then. It does make a real difference if you have a flexible employer and if things have got to this place with your current employer, it may be the right time to start looking for another employer and try to find one that is as family friendly as you can - working fron home, dependents leave, flexi time, duvet days etc. They do exist. I'm not sure which sector you work in but this website is useful to get a feel of the comany www.glassdoor.co.uk/index.htm.

I also think even if your partner can do one day now and then to cover sickness etc, then it's only fair no matter how senior his job. Surely the more senior his job the more potential to work at home/juggle his diary etc if just for the odd day at the end of an illness?

I do think people have been harsh on here and I think you are just doing your best and feel you are between a rock and a hard place. This is why so many working parents send their sick children to school and they get berated on MN for that too, so you won't win on one of these threads!

YANBU OP, I'm an sahm and more than once have looked after ill kids of friends who WOH. You are in an impossible position. I know the law, companies, profit, etc etc but does the economy work for us or do we work for it? There is no human element in the machinery of capitalism.

Anyway onto solutions... Can your DH work from home at all? If he was working from home even ONE of the days you are WOH it would ease things up in emergencies - if he had an ill kid to deal with he'd have to make his hours up after you got home, but at least both of you would get your working day done.

Do you have any sahm friends with at least one LO at school? I don't mind watching ill kids because my eldest will be exposed to the passing bugs anyway - you need a local kitchentableagain friend or two who for love (or money , though ive never been paid) can help out in a pinch.

well I have a lot of sympathy because I've been in your situation.

One thing I've thought of - you say you have to plan ahead to work from home - could you have that sorted so that on any given day you have stuff to take home, so that you can say to the boss 'I'm off but I'm working from home' ?? I guess you might be working once the children are asleep but it might work?

It always surprises me on mn how many people can work from home!

DH has had some days off to cover illness, but it just doesn't make sense for him to take equal time off when he has targets to hit, meetings to attend for clients/prospects etc. If his job is affected we are financially buggered. So he does take time off but I do the lions share.

So you accept that his job might be affected by taking excessive time off, but you didn't think there would be an impact on yours?

I understand that he earns more than you, and for your family, his job is therefore more important. However, your employers are paying you to do the work that you are contacted to do. If you are not proving reliable, it won't really matter to them that yours is the lower priority career.

I don't really understand why your employer is saying that you can't take it as annual leave, after all it comes out of your leave entitlement so they're no worse off in terms of actual time taken off, just not great in terms in planning. If you spend a month's leave looking after your kids so you can't have a proper holiday that's not great for you, but it doesn't have an impact on your employer over the year as you would have taken the time anyway (I'm not downplaying the inconvenience of having someone off at short notice but YOU could be ill as well).

I think you are going to have find a way to find and pay for an extra day's childcare so that if you need to take a day off you can work an extra day. Your employer can then see that you making efforts to minimise the impact.

And the suggestion of above for planning to work at home is a good one if you can make it work.

Or find a different employer.

And they do get ill less often as they get older.

ouch. no wonder its hard for mothers to be taken seriously at work. you could get your dh to work from home or take time off, or try an au pair/childminder. it will get easier as the kids get older. cpx is the worst.

It is really difficult but I do have some sympathy for your employer. I used to manage two women who worked part time, both with husbands who had what was clearly seen as the more 'important' jobs in their families. The result was that it was always them who covered children's illnesses and consequently always me who picked up the slack. I slightly envied their husbands' bosses. If you're being explicit about this in work - ie that your husband can't take time off because his job is too important - it does send a terrible vibe.

How much leave can OP have left?

12 days on 3 days per week will be just about all of it, surely!

And they do not have to pay at all... as per the link upthread... no notice absences can be 100% unpaid leave, if your employer chooses.

The reality is her employer has reached a decision so OP must make alternative arrangements, or leave her current employment. It happens, sometimes life and work just don't gel. But it is something every couple who choose to have kids have to work out for themselves. It is no one elses problem to solve!

Muminhants I doubt they'll offer that when they can probably foresee future childcare cover issues with big holidays like Easter and Summer and an OP with no holiday left.

I can see both sides. I also have a husband who earns about twenty times more than me, but he also picks u the slack mostly because his job enables him to work from home easier than mine. TBF if one job had to go it would obviously be mine.

I'd really like to know if the OP has considered any of the options various posters have made about meeting the employer half way. Or is it really to be a case of "my employer is a meany so I have to give up my job"?

The thing is it puts enormous stress on everyone else too. I worked with a woman who's child had recently started nursery and the poor thing was ill at all the time. I took on so much extra work but in the end I couldn't do it anymore - her being off to care for her child was affecting my own health.

So businesses have to do something, they can't just pay for parents to stay with their children.

That said, it's ridiculously hard for working parents who have children prone to illness. It's something we really thought about prior to having children, something everyone should do. Unless you have family or find a good person to care for the child, it's impossible.

I hope you manage to sort something because it does get better and it would be a shame for you to pack your job in

She might still have a lot of leave if she has carried some forward from maternity leave- I came back with 65 days to use by march in November.

I'd have had a lot more sympathy for the OP if she and her DH had shared the time off equally. It is difficult to juggle work if you have a child who tends to be sick a lot.

However, my sympathy evaporates when I read that DH's job is too important for him to take time off. If the OP's job wasn't important to her employer, I presume she would have been made redundant by now.

muminhants taking annual leave with no notice, whilst it is part of the OPs leave entitlement must have an impact on the rest of the office/department.

We do a handover the night before we have time off, so go over what needs to be done, when, by who.

You can't do that if you find out at 9am that this paticular member of staff is "on holiday" that day.

Other staff members must be very resentful, having to do their own work plus the ops with no notice.

Is it about importance more than earnings though,really?
Who would risk a £40,000 pa professional job for a £10,000 pa unskilled one?

I don't think it is, really.

Ok there are days when I would cause a massive to 10 people by taking a days leave with no notice.
There are days when DH is travelling all over london. So we work out who's day can be rearranged to cause the least hassle for other people.
One of us works in a professional job, one of us works in a skilled role that is not looked at as an "important job" but it doesn't matter
Our chosen jobs are important to us and to our employers regardless of who's job looks better on paper.

You have been very unlucky that your kids have been this ill. I have no fsmily help and did once have to have an emergency nanny when I was ill myself and couldn't look after kids.
You do need a back up plan OR use a nanny instead of nursery. The are options available to you but it seems tsking more time off work isn't one of them. I do think your employer has been more than fair letting you tske short notice holidsy, most wouldn't they would make you take unpaid emergency leave.
Good luck and hope your kids health improves soon.

OP YABU and seem to have a massive sense of entitlement. Have you ever thought about how you taking 12 days off in six months impacted on your fellow workers or your manager? I suspect not. Of course your children are your priority but that doesn't mean you should assume your company is happy about it. Why should they be?

Your attitude can only make it more and more difficult for mothers to find work. If a company, especially a small one, has had experience of someone similar, which has impacted heavily on their output, you can be sure the replacement will often be either male or an older woman. I was in HR before retiring and saw it happen on several occasions with the managers for whom I recruited.

Tbh it often suits the employer more to let you use annual leave,not always benefitting the employee.
As my union rep explained with my old job -if you take annual leave you only get to take it once.
Etofd should be used for reasonable leave as unpaid,in order to preserve your annual leave -which you will probably need to cover holidays etc.
The point is that reasonable etofd is a statutory right,and no one should feel coerced to take annual leave instead if you are using it in a reasonable way.

If the employer has granted the op short notice annual leave for childcare,that has been at their discretion and I can't see how that can come back on the op.
Its what happens in the future that they'll be monitoring -if the op uses etofd in a reasonable way she is fine.
I would hope for better health from now on in,now the chickenpox crisis is over,and make advance plans to cover any future absences now annual leave will be lacking.

My job doesn't allow for working from home unless it is pre arranged in advance.

My job would allow for different working days, but my childcare doesn't allow for flexibility. I need to book the days I need well in advance, as the nursery needs to book their staff quota. I could on the off chance ask for a different day and if the nursery had space then fine, but it is unlikely for my younger child.

My job is just as important to me as my husbands is to him. But the reality of finances is that for the household, his job brings in a lot more money.

Of the days off I would say that I have had 10 days and my husband has taken 3. I have 17 days holiday a year, which is nearly 7 of my working weeks.

You have my sympathies OP - the situation sucks, absolutely, and there are many of us in the same boat.

Your employer is not being unreasonable, you have had the equivalent of 4 weeks off work - but I recognise it does feel unfair on you because you are the primary carer.

I would speak to your DH and see if it is feasible for you to give up work until your children are of school age, or take up an evening job. If not, then he must take time off going forwards. If you were fired, this could impede you from finding work again.

Things improve massively once your kids start school - they've had every bug by then!

Ooerr assuming the op has been there two years and has employment protection (hypothetically as we don't know) what exactly would you probably have sacked her by now for,can I ask?