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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how you deal with cold callers.

186 replies

Missrubyring · 18/02/2015 11:13

Hi, I'm new to MN and just wanted to post something light hearted to start me off so ....

How do you deal with cold callers. Both at the door and on the phone.
I once had one ring who was trying to sell me something, I didn't have time (I never do) and so simply said 'I can't talk right now, I'm driving.' To which he simply said 'okay, sorry, bye.' Not realising the number he had called was a landline. (Not the funniest i know)

So has anyone else got any funny/ creative ways to deal with cold callers, whether they've been put into practice or not??

OP posts:
zippyandbungle · 18/02/2015 11:17

I sound very young, I'm not, but very useful on the phone when I say my mums not in.
Also I answered the phone last week as I would at work by mistake, he said "oh sorry. I didn't realise this was a business number. I will remove your number from our records" Result!

Teeste · 18/02/2015 11:23

I haven't done it myself, but my brother has had (one) great success with this counterscript - kept the guy on the line for about 10 minutes with the rest of the family listening in fits of giggles. Me, I usually just tell them we're TPS registered and ask them to remove my number - boring but works!

At the door, I point out the two stickers we have up saying no cold calling. One bloke told me, whilst holding printed pamphlets he referred to, that he couldn't read. Religionists and glazing salespeople also never think cold calling applies to them ('I'm not selling anything, only offering you a quote/salvation!'). I work from home so I get them all the time. I used to be polite, now it's just a sigh and 'No thanks' before shutting the door.

Notso · 18/02/2015 11:33

DS2 aged 4 often answers the phone and just says "I don't know you" to cold callers and puts the phone down.

Bettercallsaul1 · 18/02/2015 11:38

Notso - Grin I'm sure there's a marketing opportunity there!

ChipDip · 18/02/2015 11:39

I get those calls on my mobile so I just say I'm at work and can't talk.

Redheartsandflowers · 18/02/2015 11:40

I'm always tempted to say "I'm sorry I don't speak English" in perfect English but I've never dared.

I just say "No thank you" and put the phone down or close the door.

Lifesalemon · 18/02/2015 11:40

I tell them 'sorry, I'm the babysitter'

SistersOfPercy · 18/02/2015 11:42

At the door we have a sign so anyone ignoring it just gets the door shut on them or ignored altogether. In the past though I've simply lied and said "sorry, I don't live here".

On the phone I don't get many since I told the accident company I died in the accident I didn't have, but the odd one I get when they say "Hi is that Percy?" I'll play stupid and said "No, think you have the wrong number".

blacktreaclecat · 18/02/2015 11:43

I put DS 2.7 on the other day, he sang them Old MacDonald. It was pretty funny

ender · 18/02/2015 11:43

If a caller asks for the householder my 88 yr old grandmother says "I'm her carer, shall I wake her up?" They always say no.

BarbarianMum · 18/02/2015 11:51

Depends on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I say my mums not in (I'm in my 40s), sometimes I pretend to be my own PA and tell them Ms Barbarian is terribly busy at the studio, sometimes I pass them to one of the kids to talk to and occasionally I pretend not to understand what they're asking me until they put the phone down. If I'm in a hurry I just tell them to hang on a minute, put the phone down on the side and wander off.

Telling them I'm signed up with the telephone preference service has no effect at all Sad

LegsOfSteel · 18/02/2015 11:52

Them: "Hi, is that Mrs Legs?"
Me: "No, it's not. Do you know where she is?"
Them: "pardon?/sorry?"
Me: "She's not been home for days. We're really worried about her. Do you know where she is?
Them: "No, sorry"
Me: " well if you hear from her, tell her to phone and can you let the police know too. Thanks"
Them: "uh...ok"

bonkersLFDT20 · 18/02/2015 11:53

I tell them I'm not interested and then hang up.

It's a pretty grotty job. I'm sure they've heard all the gags and been wound up many times.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 18/02/2015 11:55

I'm boring. I just don't answer the door if I can see it's someone likely to be trying to flog me stuff (they have to walk past my living room window to get to my front door. And no, I don't care if they can see me) and I have caller ID so if I don't recognise the number, they can leave a message if it's important.

Piffpaffpoff · 18/02/2015 11:57

I just say no thank you and hang up/shut the door. It's a pretty unpleasant job so I don't want to make it any worse for them.

Perfectlypurple · 18/02/2015 11:58

When I get the you have been in an accident calls I ask when was the accident, they always say they don't know, so I ask where, again they don't know. So I ask how they know I have had one and they just say their records say it, when I ask where they get their information they can't answer. I then tell them I haven't had an accident, I'm not stupid and that I know hey ring everyone and try their luck and hang up.

CliveCussler · 18/02/2015 12:00

I quite like the "you've been in an accident" ones.

If you just keep asking them questions about the accident; where it was, when it happened, who else was involved etc. They soon get all flustered and end the call themselves.

The trick is not to let up on the questions and when they say they're not sure, just remind them that they rang you about an accident you don't even remember, so they must have the details.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 18/02/2015 12:01

my husband pulled a corker on those guys.
called up asking has he had an accident etc
he told them that he could arrange one and how much would he get.
they were saying no, that's not what they mean and he kept on saying no, no it's ok, I can arrange one if you like.
I had to shove a cushion in my face to stop the laughter.

PlayNiceNow · 18/02/2015 12:01

At the door I tell them I'm housesitting or cooking. Not very amusing, may have to get more creative.

Lolly12 · 18/02/2015 12:05

Sometimes pass the phone to one of the kids (aged nearly 2 and 4). They love talking on the phone.

If it is a dodgy call (e.g. Claiming to be Microsoft and wanting you to login to your pc), I try and find the most annoying loud toy, turn it on then leave the phone next to it. Any Vtech one usually does the trick.

kitchentableagain · 18/02/2015 12:07

Door - I either don't answer or answer and say "No thanks" and shut the door again.

Phone - I usually just sigh and hang up but sometimes I say "Frank (or Rita - based on gender of caller), is that you!? hysterical HOW DID UOU FIND ME? aside with phone held away a bit He's found me, he's found me, he's coming, we have to pack and go NOW!" then hang up.

I have a friend who pretends she thinks the caller is the 999 service calling back to talk her through assisting in an emergency birth/choking/heart attack but I'm always too scared to do that in case they call the real emergency services to my aid!

Comingfoccacia · 18/02/2015 12:07

I get all emotional and say that whoever they want to speak to is dead. Bit drastic but it works!

Picklesauage · 18/02/2015 12:09

On the phone, I just say 'no thank you' and hang up! Not big or clever I know, but it just the most effective.

At the door, I say I'm sorry but the baby needs feeding. I must go.

mrssnodge · 18/02/2015 12:09

if DS (22 not a child) answers a cold call, he simply states " I love cats< do you love cats too"? they ALWAYS end the call straightaway!

Rafflesway · 18/02/2015 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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