To ask how you deal with cold callers.

[Missrubyring]

Hi, I'm new to MN and just wanted to post something light hearted to start me off so ....

How do you deal with cold callers. Both at the door and on the phone.
I once had one ring who was trying to sell me something, I didn't have time (I never do) and so simply said 'I can't talk right now, I'm driving.' To which he simply said 'okay, sorry, bye.' Not realising the number he had called was a landline. (Not the funniest i know)

So has anyone else got any funny/ creative ways to deal with cold callers, whether they've been put into practice or not??

I live in a no cold-calling zone so have very little patience with them - they've always some excuse why it doesn't apply to them (and sadly charities are exempt, so it can be open season with chuggers). Sometimes I simply ignore the door, sometimes I open a window upstairs and say "this is a no cold-calling zone" and close the window again and sometimes I do the same with the door. My house, my privacy, my rules. It really annoys me especially as I work from home and can be seen, so people think it's open season to bother me. But I don't swear or say anything rude. Except for one time when the guy concerned started laughing at me so I told him to bugger off before I called the police.

I don't mind leaflets being put through the door, but otherwise, door-to-door sales is just so passe in the days of Facebook recommendations. If I need to find say a carpenter or plumber I just go onto Facebook and ask for local recommendations - it's like having my own black book of contacts.

With telephone, I usually don't answer the phone if I don't recognise the number. Sometimes I look up the number online to see if it's listed as a nuisance number. If it is, the next time they ring, I answer and say "please don't call this number again" and put it down again. Some really are thick-skinned and continue calling, others don't call again (or use a different number the next time). I am on the telephone preference service.

The problem I've got is that my meter reader looks like a chugger and I keep forgetting and tell him to go away. It's their fault really, they should be in a uniform and look like a meter reader, but mine doesn't. I contacted my energy supplier to ask them to look into it and said I won't answer the door if it's not obvious who he is.

My husband has FOMI and always answers the door! I keep telling him it can't be a lottery win as he doesn't play the lottery ;)

Caller"hello-can I speak to Mr Purple?"
Me" yes hang on a minute I will just go and get him for you"

I then put the phone down on the side and carry on what I was doing- usually when I come back half an hour later they have got bored and hung up.

I have had the accident people, I just say "Oh good, I just fell down and grazed my knee, could you just be a dear and run down to Boots and get me some plasters" she put me onto her supervisor last time and he hung up after I asked him for the plasters.

Hassan from Claims Direct was a persistent offender, he got put onto DS twice, he only stopped calling when DS wet himself and announced " all wet, all wet". Now DS is a little older he can give them a proper conversation although he kept asking the last one if she was his auntie the nice lady had to go apparently.

Friend of mine had a good one, she used to put her them on 'hold' then place the phone next to the stereo speaker and put on her other half's Venom albums. They rarely rang back after Venom. I might try it as Dh has some very exciting records, I don't think anyone will ring back after Antiseen ever!

I have a no cold callers sign on my door and up until recently it's worked brilliantly however I have had a few callers recently . I open the door and point to the sign, give them a look then close the door.

I get very few phone cold callers but when I do my main objective is to get my number removed and get info from them to see if I can report them to TPS. Some calls from overseas work on behalf of UK marketing/data companies and you can get your number removed from them.

I report EVERY unsolicited phone call to my mobile and my home number.

If everyone did it I'm sure there would be a lot less cold callers.

We have srarted letting dd3 (3) answer the cold calls, while we all snigger in the background, she likes to answer with 'hello my name is jeff' quoted from 22 jump street in a mexican accent

We don't usually get anyone coming round. (We live in the middle of nowhere.)

Phone calls tend to be from the Pretend-Microsoft people, who are pretend-helpful. The last conversation went along the lines of:
Computerbloke: "Hi Mrs Funny, we've noticed a problem with your computer."
Me: "Really? That's terrrible! Which one?"
Computerbloke: "Aehm,...your computer."
Me: "Yeah, you said that. Which one? We've got five." (Three of those are for spare parts only, should be said.)
Computerbloke: "Aehm,...the one you are working on at the moment."
Me: "Really? That's odd."
Computerbloke: "Well, we've noticed a problem with it and I can help you fix it."
Me: "It's just odd, because I'm on my work computer and it's quite secure. I can assure you that if there were something wrong with it, I would know."

Computerbloke: "You probably don't know much about computers." (Cheeky sod.)
Me: "Well, actually, I work at administrator level for the technical support department of a global bank and I'm on my work computer, which is routinely checked for possible errors." (That's partly true. I used to work for them but don't anymore. My main computer is a work computer, though, and gets checked.)
He hung up on me.

I tend to say something like "do you realise my time is chargeable at a rate of £x per hour? Where do you want me to send the invoice?"

If they persist, I tell them they have already used up 1 unit (6 minutes of my time).

If they persist on the trying to give dodgy advice in a patronising tone way, I ask them if they are properly qualified to give that advice and that it might be a criminal offence for them to do so without (it is, in certain professional fields).

Alternatively, if I can't be bothered by all that, I say something like "No, I don't want to" and hang up.

When they ask if I'm the homeowner or bill payer etc I lie and tell them that no I'm not but I will go and get them. I then just walk away and leave the phone off the hook so they actually think I've gone to get someone.

I tend to go back to the phone about ten minutes later and they've always hung up.

I often wonder how long they actually wait on the line for until they realise that nobody is coming

Redheartsandflowers that reminds me of an incident a few years ago on the tube. A tramp came into the carriage and started asking people for spare change. A young fairly vain man was standing on holding to a pole trying to ignore the tramp, but when he approached he obviously thought it a good idea to deflect him, pretend to be foreign, mumble some French along the lines of "Je ne parle Anglais, je ne comprend..." (sorry it wasn't exactly that phrase, my French is poor). So the tramp let him continue and when he had run out of steam, the tramp spoke to him in very clear French, then translated to the rest of us in English what he said, which was something along the lines of "I asked you for money, I did not demand it, I asked you kindly and you only had to say no to the money, I wanted you to respect me most more than anything, but you tried to treat me like a fool, and I have no respect for you because the first and only thing you have done is lie to me". You could have heard a pin drop, and as you looked into the poor man's eyes you saw a great and strong character. So, I am always a bit careful when I get a call, I am polite and respectful, and only if the boundaries are clearly pushed do I get firm and then terminate the call.

I spent one day in a job doing cold calling before quitting and when I did it after a call there were three options you could press (try again later, not interested or not a residence) it was their policy to never choose the "not interested option" so the only way to avoid a cal back was to say it was an office building. That's what I do now, not sure if it works but gets them off the phone quickly.

A Room I would never judge anyone for wanting to be left alone. Some people just cannot cope with it, doesn't mean they are vain or whatever.

"I'm sorry, I'm on call for the hospital: I need to keep this line clear". They usually put the phone down... and some have even apologised. The first time I used the phrase it was the literal truth...I may have used it the odd evening I wasn't on call too...

I have done too much cold calling in my time to be rude, however if the polite "no thanks" does not stop them going on work, I just say "ok well I'm hanging up, bye"

To be honest lately the cold callers I want to f right off leave me alone are the ones at work. Firstly, I'm really busy, not being boasty but I am. I can't get to speak to all the people I work with in a day, I've no time for randoms. Secondly, work cold callers are exceptionally rude and I can't be rude back as they know where I work. Saying "no thank you we have an exclusive contract for x with another supplier gets "oh really, and you think that's going to work/honestly I don't know why you think that's a good idea.."
Yes I'm sure I'd be better off waiting for you to call me out of the blue to offer a service rather than the reputable one I chose through extensive research. And after I hang up on you, the best way to get my company on side is to call back and ask to speak to my manager who sits next to me to sell your crappy service, NOT!

I LOVE cold callers, we used to get loads because DH (then DP) would give our landline number out to credit agencies etc. I used to either start sobbing down the phone when they asked for Mr Firsttime and say he'd up and left me for another man with 3 babies under 1 and did they know where he was? Is that you Mr Another Man? I went into long rants about how he'd beaten me, left me, defrauded me, I had a great time! (I find none of these things funny by the way but the confusion/ panic on the other end of the line was very satisfying!)

Ah, dodgy calls. I have been TPS registered since 2008, so cold callers will have their time wasted by me. If they can't be arsed to check their records then they can deal with the repercussions instead.

I like the Microsoft ones. Last time I pretended I had no computer. Took them 2.5 mins to get the joke and hang up.

Although my favourite to this day was a PPI related call with a girl claiming "We can help you even if we can't help you". I was very interested from that point in the conversation .

My DH, fed up with constant cold calls, said to one asking to speak to Mrs Madge, "no I'm afraid she is in a coma, we are all very worried." They ended the call, but I was a bit aghast and still feel a bit odd about it now.......

When I get the Microsoft ones, I answer "No I haven't got a computer.
Then when they say "what about a lap top" I say "is that like a tray you eat your tea off in bed" So funny.

My Dh likes to say "can I have your password please". Really winds them up.

I'm a telephone cold caller.
Although I'm speaking to CEOs and MDs, not the general public as such. But every so often I'll speak to a GP surgery practice manager or small business owner.

The most efficient way to get rid of me because I'm trained to badger and persevere (I have to just to get past the receptionist and then the PA) is to simply say no thankyou politely, and quickly put the phone down before I can get another word in edgeways, because otherwise we hook you in at lightning speed and keep you talking just to make a sale.

It's a soul-less job, and I never realised how unashamedly bad mannered the business world is at the high end until this job.

Putting the phone down on me or shouting abuse absolutely wrecks me inside, but then I'm sitting next to time served cold callers who speak with that distinctive robot monotone voice, and are harsh and unrelenting. I hope to find another job before I get to that stage.

I've found my niche for making sales as a cold caller by being myself. I'm super polite and genuine even in the face of crushing abuse, and have a quite sweet voice I suppose, somewhat meek mannered and make my pitch dance a little if I can so as not to bore the recipient.

We can all make eachother's day a little brighter by simple good manners I believe.

I'm a cold caller....I expect to be flamed for this lol. However it's pretty decent money for a easy job...albeit it is shitty.

Surprisingly I don't get that many rude people, most people are happy to give you the time of day.

We do love the people who joke about with is, does make our day :)

Phone i dont say anything just hang up. My time too precious to waste even saying anything. (I need mn time!!!) Why when im on tps are they allowed to call from abroad. No such thing as door cold callers as i live in a flat in a secure gated estate. If cold callers realise they just need to push the gate. However they couldnt get into the flats. Ever since we lived in a flat never had a cold caller.

I hate the recorded voice ones saying " we believe you've been in a recent accident blah blah" I always tell it to piss off, even though I know it's not a real person it just makes me feel better( and where did they get my new mobile number?)

I will often reply v enthusiastically-

" Oh brilliant" John said you would call back. I have the reference number andemail address here- do you have a pen? Can you write the numbers ( something long with lots of letters that I spell out using the police system- alpha romeo etc)
Get them to read it back ( by now they are confused) but I tell them I have spoken to the escalation team - and all they need do now is email both their line manager and "John" to release the information pack.

Works a treat.

My job is to ring people who've had a quote on our website and FILLED IN THEIR OWN FRIGGING PHONE NO
You know what, help yourself. Alter it by a digit or 2 if yiu don't wanna call