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Original poster

To ask how you deal with cold callers.

186 replies

Missrubyring · 18/02/2015 11:13

Hi, I'm new to MN and just wanted to post something light hearted to start me off so ....

How do you deal with cold callers. Both at the door and on the phone.
I once had one ring who was trying to sell me something, I didn't have time (I never do) and so simply said 'I can't talk right now, I'm driving.' To which he simply said 'okay, sorry, bye.' Not realising the number he had called was a landline. (Not the funniest i know)

So has anyone else got any funny/ creative ways to deal with cold callers, whether they've been put into practice or not??

OP posts:
RegTheMonkey1 · 18/02/2015 12:11

I'm not exactly a cold caller, but I do ring NHS outpatients to remind them of their appointments and to confirm they will still attend. Even when I get as far as saying I'm phoning from a certain hospital about their appointment, a fair amount say 'No thank you, I'm not interested' and hang up. Or stop me and say 'I'm not buying anything today'. Some say 'how did you get this number?' - er, because you gave it to the hospital as your contact number? When I get the dodgy double glazing/accident/PPI cold callers phoning me at home and they ask for Mrs RegMonkey, I usually say she's out or there's no one of that name at this house. I'm registered with TPS but most folk seem to ignore that. I do ask them to remove me from their data base, but I wonder how many actually do.

GemmaTeller · 18/02/2015 12:12

JW have just rang our doorbell - I told DH to ignore it.

We got rid of our landline and low and behold I start getting cold callers on my old mobile number.

One from O2 -
'we can do you a better deal than your current contract'
me 'oh really, I'm on pay as you go and only top up about £30 a year'
They've never rung back.

One from some claims company -
them 'I'm just ringing to check you got the forms regarding your refund'
me 'what forms?'
them 'to claim your ppi overpayment'
me 'what ppi overpayment?'
them 'on any loan you took out in the last few years'
me 'what loan I had?'
them 'well, any loan really in the last few years'
me 'so, you've no idea really whether or not I've had a loan but you've sent me a claims form?'
They put the phone down on me.

Now on my mobile if the caller doesn't speak in the 20 seconds following me answering the phone I disconnect the call,

Nomama · 18/02/2015 12:15

I do the panicked 'who got hurt?' response sometimes. But it feels mean, occasionally.

But I also like singing:

No no, no no no no, no no no no, [insert suitable ending]

... there's no one here!
... that's not possible!
or
... I'm not interested
... I'm not a real person

And so on.

I no longer tell them to sod off, an American phoned me back and told me off for being rude - he used some very choice terms too!! I shouted very loudly that time! But have not been rude since.

SinglePringle · 18/02/2015 12:16

By remebering that they're just normal people trying to earn a living and by speaking to them with respect. I just say 'thank you but I'm not interested, would you take my details off your database please? Thanks, bye'.

miraclegro · 18/02/2015 12:18

I usually ignore people at the door. Generally I don't get unexpected visitors and it is not the kind of neighbourhood where you'd get canvassers/JW anyway.

I often ignore the landline as well, as most people I know will be calling my mobile, and if I don't recognise their number on my mobile then I'll let it go to voicemail. I use a call blocker app to block any repeated unwanted calls. When I do answer the landline I don't speak until they've spoken first, with automated calling systems it tends to hang up if they don't hear anything. But if it's my parents then they'll speak first.

EveBoswell · 18/02/2015 12:18

I had two nice young men at the front door a week ago. I put the chain on the door and opened it a bit.

One said, "Are you the owner of this property?" I thought Blow This.

I asked, "Why do you need to know?" He answered with , "We're burglars...." That's when I closed the door. I know he was joking but his results are not going to be very good if he goes about his job like that Grin.

BadLad · 18/02/2015 12:19

On the phone I just politely say no - not because I think they deserve to be treated politely, but because they can just annoy you more by calling you back if they feel like it.

Door-to-door I sometimes talk to them like Andy Pipkin (from Little Britain), but I'm usually extremely horrible to them, to put them off coming back.

LlamaLove · 18/02/2015 12:21

I had one a few weeks ago. It was the day we were moving out of our house and just before we were getting the landline disconnected. I was really unwell that day and fuzzy headed and I sort of had a weird brain fog.

Anyway - some bloke called asking for Mrs Llama and explaining they knew all about my employment in industry and my unfortunate accident (have never worked in industry or had an accident). It was quite a long spiel he went through - meanwhile surrounded by removal men and feeling like I was on another planet I don't know where it came from or why I said it - it literally fell out of my mouth - "really how odd. I have never worked. I dont have any arms or legs you see"

The reply was a long pause followed by "erm, oh,erm,oh sorry to bother you we must have made a mistake".

I have also told cold callers in the past when they ask for Mrs Llama - that sadly she passed away recently and apologise for not informing them, they have missed the funeral and ask them if they knew Mrs Llama well! This too usually results in a quick end to the call.

goshhhhhh · 18/02/2015 12:22

My dh has turned it into a hobby. I am thinking filming him &putting him on YouTube. They usually hang up on him. It is hysterical.
If they say it will take 2 mins he puts the timer on...etc etc...

MojaveWanderer123 · 18/02/2015 12:23

Not very funny but my dh answered my mobile yesterday and shouted up the stairs "babe? Have you been in a car accident and haven't told me?" "What?" I shouted down and so he repeated the question, I came running down the stairs and said "no, why?" And my dh said "because there's a chap on line who reckons you have" I said "hmmm I think I would remember that" took the phone off my dh and said "hello?" But he had already hung up. We did have a chuckle.

fabuleux · 18/02/2015 12:27

If in the mood DP often puts on a more gruff and sinister voice and says "Mike? Is that you? Listen, I've disposed of the body, when am I gonna get my cash?"
They normally hang straight up Grin

Rascalls3 · 18/02/2015 12:28

Most of these calls have a short silent pause at the start of the call
(I assume as the line is connected to an operator) and I quickly put the phone down before they speak. If a friend or family member is slow to speak they will be cut off too but I assume they just call straight back!! ( hasn't happened yet) Saves having to engage in any sort of conversation.

FryOneFatManic · 18/02/2015 12:30

I'm polite, but that's for my own benefit, not theirs. I'll be firm, even rude if the situation warrants it, though.

We once had a double glazing team cold calling our street while eating dinner. One young chap came breezing up to the door, knocked and when I answer said "Hello, I'm hear about double glazing. Would you like me to go away now?"

Of course, I answered "Yes" with a nice breezy smile and promptly shut the door.

DP was trying to stifle his laughter. Bet that chap never used that line again.

FryOneFatManic · 18/02/2015 12:32

Here, not hear. Obviously had a blank moment there.

LineRunner · 18/02/2015 12:32

I have a No Cold Callers sign on my door so if someone chooses to ignore it I feel it's reasonable to be fairly terse with them.

Same with the phone - I'm TPS registered so I am comfortable just hanging up.

NancyRaygun · 18/02/2015 12:33

I sometimes say "Oh thank GOD you've called! Thank God thank God thank God!" - normally an awkward pause then I hang up.

SomewhereIBelong · 18/02/2015 12:35

having been the cold caller - what other job can you get as an unqualified student where you get paid to sit down all evening in the warm with cups of tea...

I listen to the first line, then say

"I am not interested, but thank you for your call, could you please remove my number from your records"

Don't get many cold calls any more - so it must work.

Reekypear · 18/02/2015 12:38

Hello, hello I can't hear you your breaking up. Hang up.

Chuffchuff · 18/02/2015 12:55

Boring I know but I signed up to the Telephone Preference Service so I don't get any cold calls. Obviously I get the odd one at the door but I generally ignore if they're holding a clipboard or wearing a lanyard!

SoonToBeMrsB · 18/02/2015 12:55

Comingfoccacia

My mum did that when a caller asked for my dad a few years ago, she told them he died Shock Grin

pinksparklynails · 18/02/2015 13:00

when I answrer the phone to cold called and they say 'hello is this mrs sparkly'

I say....

  • no im her P.A do you have an appointment ?
  • are you on the list to speak with her today?

or my favorite

-this call will be charged at double the standard UK rate

they hang up straight away Grin

Oldraver · 18/02/2015 13:11

It depends on my mood. We get lots of calls but rarely anyone actually on the end to rant speak to. I have taken to unplugging the phone as OH works nights and they are a flaming nuisnace

On the occasions I have spoken to them sometimes I may wind them up but they are getting wise to it and I have had the phone put down on me a few times.

I'm on TPS so shouldn't be getting any calls so I feel no guilt at not answering or just putting the phone down

AmyElliotDunne · 18/02/2015 13:15

I'm with TPS and have a call blocker, but somehow the bastards still get through at least once a day. Luckily the original source of my phone number got my surname wrong so as soon as they ask for Mrs Don instead of Dunne I know it's not someone I want to talk to and tell them to piss off.

It's a risky game as it is also my work number so if anyone legitimate got my name wrong they'd get pretty short shrift! However, I'm so fed up with running to answer the phone thinking it's an order or my DCs' school that I feel the rage when it's one of these arseholes. I don't care that it's their job, they should get a job that doesn't involve intruding on my working day with pointless calls that can rarely if ever result in them getting any business.

Today it was 8.30am and someone called pretending to be from Microsoft technical department. I just called them a twat and told them to take my number off their list, but I know they won't. I have tried being polite too, but the same idiot will call me day after day until I just lose any patience I might have had.

MrsMonkeyBear · 18/02/2015 13:17

After months of a local double glazing/conservatory company calling. I got someone to come out and give me a quote for a conservatory. I lived in a first floor flat!!!

ouryve · 18/02/2015 13:17

I'm not very creative. I'm more of a grumpy cow.

At the door "I don't sign up for anything at the door."

On the phone "take my number off your list".

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