Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my colleague was a bit snarky about baby visiting

156 replies

Behindthepaintedgarden · 17/02/2015 14:12

A woman at work had a baby recently and sent a message via one of her friends that she would be calling in with him on Friday at about 11am. One of my colleagues has just sighed and said 'Jeeze, like any of us are interested'!

AIBU to think that was a bit snarky? It doesn't take more than a couple of minutes to wander over and say 'ah he's lovely. Congratulations' Sad

OP posts:
HootsMon · 17/02/2015 20:05

I work in a large open plan office where there is usually, at any given time, around a dozen women off on maternity leave (public sector for you). Barely a week goes by between baby visits - the mothers never stay for less than 45 mins and never remove the baby when it starts crying. My (very busy and quite stressful) job involves speaking to medical consultants on the telephone and it's really embarrassing when there's a fucking baby squawking in the background.

It's not like they don't all look the same anyway.

Andrewofgg · 17/02/2015 20:09

HootsMon Are the public sector more fertile, then?

At one point there was a "pod" in my (open-plan, public-sector) office occupied by three pg women and a father-to-be; and a lot of joking about the water in that part of the office. When the first of the women went off on maternity leave the woman who moved in got teased witless about it!

HootsMon · 17/02/2015 20:16

Are the public sector more fertile, then?

No - it's the ridiculously over-generous maternity leave policy.

phoenixrose314 · 17/02/2015 20:17

When I went to work with my DS after he was born, I only visited my close colleagues who I consider myself to be friendly with, and didn't bother doing "the rounds" - it felt wrong to me to demand people say lovely things about my baby when they don't know me that well!!

So, I get it... but I think that your snarky lady should have realised that actually SOME people do care, and not made a sweeping generalisation that nobody gave a crap.

grannytomine · 17/02/2015 20:21

I think the question of people with fertility issues is difficult. I know someone who lost a baby and waited quite a while before she did have a baby. She said one of the things she found hardest was other people not talking about their children, not wanting to talk about pregnancy, not asking if she wanted to cuddle the baby. So I think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Andrewofgg · 17/02/2015 21:12

Well HootsMon I will leave it to those concerned to disagree Grin

Transporter · 17/02/2015 21:26

Puppies yes please.

Babies noooooooooo!

(But I wouldn't say it out loud Wink Confused )

SoleSource · 17/02/2015 21:43

A photograph should do it.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 17/02/2015 22:20

I worked with a very needy self absorbed woman who bought her baby in weekly when she was on mat leave. In a bloody hospital too I ask.
She would just lurk around and it was very awkward as everyone was so busy

notquiteruralbliss · 17/02/2015 22:44

It might be more the case that the colleague is coming into the office to see people and just happens to have the baby with her. I called into the office for a meeting when one of mine was 3 weeks old, but only because I was coming in anyway for a meeting and it made sense to catch up with my team while I was there. Baby was with me but spent most of the time stuffed under my tee shirt feeding or asleep.

fluffymouse · 17/02/2015 23:20

Personally I would love to see a dog, as well as a baby. But I bet the mumsnet 'we hate dogs' crowd would be up in arms if someone had an aibu about bringing in a dog.

Some workplaces do allow dogs, Amazon is a well known example.

leedy · 17/02/2015 23:46

Yup, we allow dogs as well.

TheCraicDealer · 18/02/2015 00:11

Anywhere I've worked I think the majority of people would be happy to see the baby, unless they didn't get on with the parent who happened to be their colleague. Then you're just horrified the person you dislike has multiplied.

My most recent experience of this was in a small family run business, one of the directors had a baby boy who would be brought in to crawl around the office for an hour the occasional Friday afternoon. It was good for morale, an excuse to take a bit of a break and watch him doing toddler shit while drinking tea.

Honestly, there is nothing scarier as a childless individual than looking a baby and thinking, "fuck, I wish I loved anything as much as that kid loves petit filous".

Notrevealingmyidentity · 18/02/2015 00:22

Bizarrely I am not keen in the idea having a child of my own, loathe the idea if being pg and especially the idea of having a small baby I'm the house BUT would love a squish if someone's baby if they brought him/her to work...

Notrevealingmyidentity · 18/02/2015 00:23

Please excuse typos.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/02/2015 00:33

Ever thought your colleague may be suffering from fertility issues. If she is. Seeing babies and feeling obligated to rub tummies or coo at babies(as gorgeous as they are) is not nice for some people.
I know myself due to TTC for almost 2 years, pregnant women and new born babies can obviously unintentionally make you feel inferior and jealous. Don't be too hard on her.

sandgrown · 18/02/2015 07:04

My colleague on another team has just gone on mat leave. We have had lots of conversations about her pregnancy while brewing up at work. I do hope she brings baby in as I would love to see him but don't know her well enough to visit her home. I would definitely like a cuddle if offered.

TheChickenSituation · 18/02/2015 08:34

I don't think you can say 'work isn't the time or the place', it depends on the work place, and the general bonhomie within.

In some places, people are delighted to see a new baby, and in other places, they'd prefer babies were kept well away. Fine.

A woman in my office came in with her DH, two older toddlers and a new baby a couple of weeks ago. A whole entourage! She is a well-liked colleague, who'd had a stillborn baby previously so everyone was nothing but delighted for them all.

The little one was passed around for cuddles, with lots lingering to chat, and others saying congrats and going back to their desks.

I work in a lovely office!

EveDallas · 18/02/2015 08:58

I am very lucky in that in my last workplace we all liked each other, enjoyed each other's company and were delighted when one of our number had a baby. A monthly KIT visit was welcomed and we always made sure there was cake for the new mum Smile. The visits lasted a couple of hours and we all enjoyed them.

At any one time we also had a minimum of 5 dogs in the office and a maximum of 8. In the school holidays DD (from age 5 to 9) used to come up at lunchtime to walk the dogs with us whilst DH went to the gym.

Not all workplaces are the same and by God I miss mine.

pipsqueak77 · 18/02/2015 09:02

Does the colleague have kids of his/her own? I often find people don't "get it" til they have one if their own. If the mum with the baby just said pop by if you want that's fair enough. The colleague isn't under any obligation to go and see the baby. Sounds like they got up decidedly on the wrong side of the bed!

TendonQueen · 18/02/2015 09:16

Just rude of colleague. I agree with leedy and TwoSocks. It takes thirty seconds to smile and say 'lovely!' and if you don't want to hold the baby just say 'better not, I've got a cold coming and I don't want to pass it on'. Plus people like rude colleague are the type who freely bore on about even more trivial stuff like their haircut or what they're having for lunch, but don't like it when others do it.

LuluJakey1 · 18/02/2015 09:37

I understand why people bring their baby in.
This is what typically happens in our school. The woman arrives with the baby, word spreads and all the women support staff (who are not working in a classroom), make a huge fuss and hold the baby and gather round, sit and chat about their pregnancies, give presents and cards. Then the person takes the baby to see their colleagues in the dept they teach in (if they are a teacher) at Break or Lunchtime, and the same happens there. The men usually show some interest but not that much;a couple will be more interested.

It is all out of kindness to the mum and because the female staff - on the whole- remember their own excitement and just love babies.

I have a 7 week old DS and have not been in yet. I will go in because they will all be disappointed if I don't and everyone has been very kind.

BUT, I do think it is all a bit of a fuss and wonder at some people's ability to coo over a baby for as long as they are allowed to. I am not looking forward to hearing all of the birth stories re- lived.

OldFarticus · 18/02/2015 09:54

Genuinely love babies couldn't eat a whole one Grin However, people bringing them into the office is irritating. It wouldn't be so bad if they would take them somewhere else when they start screaming. I literally had to close a meeting room door in a woman's face because I was on a really challenging conference call and she was standing in the corridor, seemingly oblivious to her screeching infant.

Interestingly none of the new dads feel the need to parade their progeny through the office, it's definitely a woman thing where I work!

Andrewofgg · 18/02/2015 10:19

It's more often women than men who bring their little miracles in here, but when they do the men cluster round and admire as much as the women.

leedy · 18/02/2015 11:21

"Interestingly none of the new dads feel the need to parade their progeny through the office, it's definitely a woman thing where I work!"

Though presumably part of that is because they're unlikely to have more than a couple of weeks' paternity leave? I was off for nearly a year the second time round, I came in not specifically to "parade my progeny through the office" but because I wanted to visit my colleagues.