DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

[windchimes8]

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

good god sorry been hungover today you're worrying about being left home alone whilst your DH goes away?! what on earth does he do?

Please clarify for us Windchimes

a) If MiL is infirm / needs 2 (or more?) carers, why would you book a canal boat holiday rather than a B&B or nice cottage somewhere?
b) the bit about cooking dinners for a 21 yr old - are they coming with you or are they at home? Why can't they get their own dinners?
c) Are you going with them, or are you staying at home with the dog and your ds?
d) why can't either ds or a hired dog walker walk the dog if you aren't capable?
e) why the dog can't go with your dh on the canal boat (or is he?)
f) why the dog can't go into kennels ?
g) is the washing up, etc., on the canal barge, or in your house?
h) why is this a problem?

Thank you

So ...

the question is ''AIBU to think my DH should not go away for a week because the dog needs walking twice a day and i cook our 21 year old (perfectly capable) son a meal every night''.

One quick walk a day for the dog and the son can do his own food for a week. Solved.

Send the son out walking the dog while you cook his tea :D

storm or alternatively as I'm feeling silly perhaps the dog could cook the tea for the week.... like as in one of those helpful dogs.

Seriously? DH is going abroad with his family next month for a week leaving me to look after a 2 & 4 year old, whilst working full time from home. The way I see it, that's everyday life for a lot of single mothers and forces wives so I can suck it up for a week. Try not to fret, it'll be over before you know it, and get your DS to help out.

Why are you mollycoddling a 21 year old? If he is able bodied, give him a shove to look after himself for god's sake. You owe it to him. You sound wet. So many people have so much to cope with and this holiday isn't till later in the year - if you're that worried about food, you've got 6 months to make meals to put in the freezer;

I presume this is some sort of wind up because it can't be real! I'd been living away from home (not Uni) for 4 years at 21 years old, paying rent, working full time etc and you cook your 21 year old tea every night and are put out that you might have to do it at the end of the year without your DH there?

How lovely your DH wants to take his elderly mother away.

YABU OP.
For so many reasons regarding what it is you have to do whilst he's gone.
Having said that, it is a little rude to book something, not check with you and expect a snap decision.
If you're that worried about the house work, why don't you ask DP to clean it before he goes, with a view to you and DS simply keeping it clean.

p.s OP my husband is going to America during May half term for a jolly conference and I'm hear with my 3 DS aged 10, 7 and 5. I also work full time.

I hope he has a bloody brilliant time quite frankly.

here

My DMIL has been ill recently those this thread hit a nerve. OP your DMIL will not be around for ever. When that time comes do you really want to be the person who prevented her sons spending a holiday with her because you don't fancy booking a dog walker for a week?

Surely your ds can cook himself something either ready meal or omlette etc or u cook yourself something and leave his in the oven ie cottage pie. He can also walk the dog once a day too.

Also what does it have to do with bil what arrangements u make to be in place while your husband is away?

This situation is crazy. YABU and I can't imagine that you will return to the thread.

Yabu and ridiculous! I work full time and look after two boys aged 9 & 4 on my own (split up with ex) and manage to walk my dog too. I don't see what the problem is, seems like your looking for excuses for him not to go?

The DS21 can get his own meals and help you with housework, washing up etc.

Don't be so bloody silly.

Why don't you go on the holiday, OP? Leave your DS to walk the dog and do his own cooking and the housework.

Seriously, that would be a normal expectation for an adult, and they'd be doing it for life, not just 7 days.

Jesus, my 15 year old can cook his own meals and look help walk the dogs.

This is ridiculous.

I also get why you might be upset due to lack of notice. However I do think yabu. Your son may work long hours but is perfectly able to prepare his own meals and actually he could help you out too. He is lucky to have the benefits of living at home the rest of the time and have stuff like evening meals cooked for him. Plenty of men and women live on their own at 21 and many have children etc to also care for - so they would be coming home after a long shift and dealing with kids and running a household. I for one lived with my partner from 18 and so was responsible for my own meals, cleaning and running the house whatever the day I had had was like and whatever my workload.

Your post explains precisely why some young adults who enter the workplace are considered completely clueless!

As for the holiday your MIL is one lucky woman!

OK thanks for all your posts. Yes I was BU I see that now. No more posts please!

browsers A narrow boat holiday at this time of year ? Lucky woman my arse.

The "added work" this causes you will be minimal. One dog walk a day. If you can manage 2 hours every day on your feet at work, then an extra half hour isn't going to be an issue.

the other walk is done by your fully able bodied 21 year old son. who can easily take over the cooking for a week if walking the dog for 30 mins means you can't do anything else for the rest of the day. He should be doing some cooking anyway.

And if your knee is that bad (apart from when you are working) then your DS should be doing things like changing beds, hovering, cleaning the bathroom rather than leaving it to his disabled parent.

It sounds as if DS is a pampered prince, you have a sore knee and your poor DH has to do everything around the house if his absence for 7 days is such a catastrophe. Maybe he needs this respite break from his normal chores?

YABU for turning your 21yo into a manchild. He's a grownup and can get his own food. He probably won't get his 5-a-day of his own free will, but that won't do him any harm for a week. You should take the week as a holiday yourself, on your own, developing your capability to be a strong independent woman rather than this needy co-dependent obsessiveness.

YABU for coming here to whine with no intention of making any of the myriad of changes that are in your power because the only solution that you think is acceptable is for your DH and DS to stick in an unchanging frozen timewarp with you. Heaven forbid that your ds might grow up, or your dh might get to spend some quality time with his mum and bro.

OP you still haven't explained though.