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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

154 replies

windchimes8 · 16/02/2015 12:01

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

OP posts:
PinkSnowAndStars · 16/02/2015 13:04

YABU let him go!

OTheHugeManatee · 16/02/2015 13:04

YABVU. You work a couple of hours a day and are annoyed that your DH plans to be away for a week? Plenty of people on MN have DHs who travel, who work away, AND have young children and even - gasp - full time jobs too. Your complaining is frankly ridiculous and both you and your adult DS sound lazy and spoiled.

MauriceTheCat · 16/02/2015 13:05

So MiL needs help and BIL most likely doesn't want to do everything on his own so has asked for your DH to join him to share the duties... that sounds perfectly reasonable.

DS can use time to learn the art of batch cooking and there are lots of good dog walking services. Both these ate perfectly reasonable too.

You although sound totally unreasonable and a little precious

CatsCantTwerk · 16/02/2015 13:07

YABU

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me

I think my suggestions are a fair compromise but think they will fall on stony ground i.e BIL.

Does that mean you will You be paying the extra for the holiday for them to go in school holidays, as surely as with any other holidays the price will go up dramatically in half term?

As for Your ds he is BU and YABU (again) on his behalf.

Only1scoop · 16/02/2015 13:08

"Let him go....let him go
And sail upon that river
Let him go let him go
A break from daily strife....
Here ds Stands pot noodle In hand

The dogs never bothered me anyway"

TheRealMaryMillington · 16/02/2015 13:09

Even with a sore knee, and an adult son who expects to be cleaned and catered for Hmm why would you think that you couldn't possibly manage without your DH for 5 days?

Is something else going on?

Is this a reverse AIBU?

ClockwiseCat · 16/02/2015 13:09

Is this a joke thread or am I just misreading it? How old is your DS? Can he walk the dogs?

Your DH's mum won't be there forever and it's nice that she is well enough to enjoy a holiday with her sons. Be gracious about this.

BTW your BIL needs to check with people before he books and commits them to things!

pictish · 16/02/2015 13:10

Your son can cook for himself AND walk the dog! I know this might come as a shock to you, but he's 21 and he really really can!
Yabu.

PtolemysNeedle · 16/02/2015 13:11

Ridiculous non issue.

Can you really not manage to look after yourself and a dog for a week without your DH?

Sounds like the bloke has good reason to need a holiday on his own, it's just a shame this holiday opportunity will mean more work than normal for him.

BolshierAyraStark · 16/02/2015 13:18

Sorry but I'm struggling to see your issue, the things you list as having to do while hes not there appear minimal...

YABVU

TheFairyCaravan · 16/02/2015 13:19

Is this a joke?

I can't walk unaided, I have arthritis in my spine, my pelvis is degenerating, I am awaiting my 6th major operation in 9 years and DH is in the Forces. He still goes away, he leaves me with the kids (one now as DS1 has joined the Army) for up to 4 months. My kids help out, they have too so they always have. DS2(18) is perfectly able to do his own cooking, washing and ironing.

If you really are struggling, I have some sympathy for you as it is hard, but point your DS in the direction of the kitchen to cook his own meals and while he is there tell him to make enough for 2!

NickiFury · 16/02/2015 13:21

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. I don't believe it's serious.

As for the question of why two adults need to care for an elderly women, their mother. Maybe they don't, maybe they'd just like to go away on holiday with their elderly parent because they WANT to and know that she won't be around forever.

I do find the shock and horror often expressed on here that parents and their grown up children might want to carry on doing some stuff alone occasionally once a spouse and possible children have entered the picture really sad and annoying. So unnecessarily territorial.

Pooka · 16/02/2015 13:23

There'll be less housework surely if just you and your ds, particularly since you'd both be working during the day.

Your ds can have ready meals, cook for himself (and wash up) and bung his own washing on/dry it. He can also help with the dog walking - he can do the evening one and you can do the morning one, or get dog sitter. He's 21 and could be living away from home, responsible for feeding himself and taking charge of a home.

TattyDevine · 16/02/2015 13:36

Sorry to bring up details from another thread, I know its poor form generally, though I feel its relevant here. Is this the same son that featured in the sofa choice thread who was unemployed a week ago? Has he now got a full time job? If so, that's great. Perhaps the OP doesn't want to throw him in the deep end so soon after finding work if he's only recently joined the workforce?

budgiegirl · 16/02/2015 13:36

I thought this must be a joke thread! Really? Your DS is 21 and can't walk a dog, or make a meal? That's a real worry.

I go away for a few days each year with my Dsis and my elderly mum.
My DH is left at home to look after 3 school age children, a dog, the house, washing, cooking and also his job (luckily his work is flexible, so he can just work school hours when I'm away). He also had problems with his knees.

However, he positively encourages me to go , as he knows how important it is to me to spend quality time with my mum.

livsmommy · 16/02/2015 13:42

YABVU on soooo many levels. Make your adult son cook his own tea that might help your knees a bit.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2015 13:45

Yes, it's a big ask, for a 21-year-old to bung a ready meal in the microwave so soon after joining the workforce? WTAF?

expatinscotland · 16/02/2015 13:46

So your H does all housework, washing up, catering and dog walking because you have a sore knee?

GraysAnalogy · 16/02/2015 13:47

you can cope perfectly well on your own you're not a child.

The timing is crap, I'll give you that, but stop making excuses they make you sound ridiculous.

Tinkerball · 16/02/2015 13:52

OP I'm really confused, a few more details would help - what exactly is it you feel us a problem if your DH goes on holiday you have? Do you not normally cook etc when your DH is at home for example? Apart from the fact no 21 year old needs another adult to be "responsible" for them, I'm failing to see what the difference is between your DH being at home versus on holiday?

Fairylea · 16/02/2015 13:52

Op not sure if this helps but when I was 17 and doing my A levels my mum and step dad went away for a week - they said they wanted to go away and I suggested I'd be fine on my own (I didn't want to go with them). I loved it! I didn't throw any wild parties or anything. Mostly I had pizza and enjoyed free run of the sofa and tv. I survived, as did the house, and I even managed to do some washing and remembered to lock up after myself. At 21 your son should be absolutely fine.

I'm wondering if it's more that you feel annoyed your dh is having a holiday and you're not? Could you take yourself away somewhere or go with him?

emotionsecho · 16/02/2015 13:55

Surely this is a spoof, it can't possibly be serious can it?

FightOrFlight · 16/02/2015 13:59

Does your husband usually walk the dogs and cook the evening meal? If so are you seeing this as being a massive inconvenience for you for just a week Hmm

Pay a dog walker and get in some takeaways. Not exactly difficult is it.

FightOrFlight · 16/02/2015 14:01

Oh god, you're the poster who was on about getting their adult son's approval for a new sofa because he 'doesn't like change' ...

NerrSnerr · 16/02/2015 14:04

I work long hours, my husband works long hours. We haven't eaten for 3 years as couldn't possibly cook too.

Bonkers.